Proof That My Intelligence Has Declined Since College
I’m a believer in the “use it or lose it” concept. This is exactly why the muscles in my arms and legs function like wet noodles. This is also why my cursive looks like I am writing with my toes. I’m learning more and more how this applies to your brain as well. I’ve always heard about older people doing crosswords and other games to “keep their mind sharp”… and it makes sense. I didn’t realize that the mind-dulling process begins the second they hand you your diploma. (Or in my case, you sit outside with 5,736,829 of your closest friends, hear speeches, see fireworks, and then someday maybe they’ll mail you your diploma… speaking of, where is that thing??)
Lately I’ve been noticing that I’m not smart. I used to think I was smart. In high school, I was smart. College, well, I think my intelligence was the same but I was surrounded by thousands of students with brains so big they were oozing out of their ears. Now, as I’m in the workforce, I know it’s not just them, it’s me.
How else could you explain my new appreciation for Brittney Spears and Beyonce? I am not one to like that type of music… but sadly, each time Womanizer or Single Ladies comes on, I turn it up and sing along. And you know that these come on at least 12 times each day. I know they are stupid songs. I can’t help myself. The clapping or tapping or whatever is going on in the background of Single Ladies just makes me excited. And can someone please explain to me what type of swagger a champion actually has?? Because I’m singing it, but I’d like to understand it!
I’m also realizing that when you’re in school, you learn many non-school related things. News spreads like wildfire across college campuses: Popular names, brands, lingo, party plans, meetings with free shirts or food, etc. It’s amazing. I think there is some sort of newsletter. How else did 5000 sorority girls at UT learn to wear their Uggs, Nike shorts, and Northface jackets the same day? The connection we (the old, boring people) have to this information is quick and fleeting. Occasionally you can catch it in a blog, in a song, in a witty reference on a sitcom. So the other day I was on facebook and saw an acronym that I’ve seen a lot in the past few months. “FTW” I couldn’t figure it out. The way most people use it is at the end of a sentence, or as it’s own sentence… this makes the usage of context clues almost impossible. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone so I actually googled “What does FTW mean?” It’s sad, I know.
I think the tipping point was yesterday. I am now accepting that my brain is melting (maybe too much hulu?). I started the day with one of those instances of not knowing where your keys are. I was wondering where they were as I was driving to work. I found them on my desk. (After I took them out of the ignition, brought them into my office and put them down on my desk.) Yeah. Ridiculous. Last night, I took the Murano to get gas. This was the first time we’ve filled her up. I got out of the car and walked to the back. I had NO idea how to open the gas thing. I’m talking about the outside opening thing that you have to open in order to get to the thing you unscrew. I sound so smart right now, I know. It was flat, no lip to grab onto. So I walk back to the driver’s side and look for a button. I know there are some cars where you push a button and it pops it open. Nothing. I go back and push and pull and beg. Nothing. I call Stephen to see if he knows. No idea. I’m two seconds away from calling my friend Veronica (who also has a Murano) when I push the “sweet spot” and it opens. Thank God. But the damage was done. I felt like a fool.
I read regularly. Stephen and I do crosswords for fun. We watch and read the news. It’s not enough. It’s time to start doing even more crosswords. Maybe I’ll take up bridge. I should also become a regular viewer of Wheel of Fortune. Anything will help at this point. To all of you college kids, remember what it’s like. You’re the smartest you’ll ever be.
For the win!