Buying the Perfect Shoes

April 14, 2009 at 9:53 am 12 comments

It is so hard to find a great pair of shoes. You just never know how they actually fit. They aren’t fools. They know that all they have to do is adapt to the unique curves of your feet long enough to convince you that you can’t live without them. It’s so sad girls. They see us coming. They see us coming and start looking all sexy. They temporarily contort themselves to fit our weird feet like a glove. Then, once money has exchanged hands and you’ve welcomed them into your home, they change. All of a sudden you notice that they have weird lumps and rough spots and with each step your feet throb and grow a blister the size of a water balloon. Oh the frustration. You limp home screaming, “Why oh why?! How did you fool me? You lied to my face and left me here to lick my wounds. Well I won’t tolerate it, no I won’t! You will spend the rest of your days in the back of my closet. Your days are done. Yes, that’s right. Next to my bridesmaid shoes and yard work tennis shoes. What? It smells back there? It’s dusty? Well get used to it. That’s your new home! (Okay see you in four months when I’ve forgotten this pain and develop a new love for your beautiful curves.)

 

I don’t think this behavior is exclusive to shoes. Think about it. This is precisely why your avocados feel perfect in the store but are hard as rocks later that night when you need them for dinner. It’s also why puppies are so cute and fluffy and lick your nose but then come home and crap on your floor and shed 365 days a year. But we don’t accept this. We try to outsmart these devious goods. “Oh, just throw some salt and pepper on those avocados, they taste just fine. Actually I prefer these hard avocados… Yumm..” We try to talk ourselves into it. Like when the paint swatches look fine in the store and then you bring the paint home and now your hallway looks like a little girl’s nursery… It’s no big deal, I sort of like this. It’s a nice color, really. I think it could grow on me. I’m not opposed to a change, of course, but I think this color is just swell.

 

Now I’m a firm believer that every girl should own a pair of red shoes. I’m new to this belief though, so I had to go out and buy two pairs of red shoes… you know, to catch up! The first pair is pure perfection. I love them. I think that they’d even make overalls look sexy. The second pair I bought, well, I didn’t have a choice. I found the purse that I had to buy. You know how that is? I just didn’t have a choice. I saw it and knew I was going to buy it. But sitting next to it were some matching shoes. These shiny red flats… the reject sizes. All on sale. Since I wear a monstrous size 10, I can often find reject shoes. And sure enough, there they were. I tried them on. They were light, breathable, and oh-so-cute with the purse I was holding. It honestly didn’t take much deliberation. I bought them.

 

Of course their mission was to trick me into buying them so that they could ruin my life.

 

Last week I wanted to wear these shoes with some jeans. After just 2 steps I knew I was going to have a problem. I slapped a bandaid on each heel and told those shoes that they weren’t going to win this battle. I walked to the other side of the house. I realized my steps weren’t normal. There was something inhuman about them. I was trying to step without actually stepping. Ladies, I’m sure you can relate. It somehow reminds me of a horse trying to walk down a sidewalk without stepping on the cracks. The bandaids had slipped (already!) and there were red marks on my heels. I rushed back to my room to arm myself further. Two more bandaids, this time, the fancy cloths ones. Hmm, what else? I ran to my dresser. I was bound to have an old pair of knee length hose from my banking days. Sure enough! I slipped them on. Ahhh! That’s what I’m talking about. They were so cute! And just like that, all of the pain went away!

 

I guess it’s not that hard to find perfect shoes. Just make sure you have the perfect bandaids to go along with them!

 

——

**Also, I’m going to the Rice / A&M game tonight… which means I won’t be able to watch Biggest Loser. DON’T spoil it for me. No texts or comments or emails PLEASE! I’ll watch it tomorrow night and post about it on Thursday. (SPOILER ALERT: The Losers were in my Good Housekeeping magazine this month… Ron’s beard is gone. WHOO HOO! I’m sure that’s what you’ll see tonight during the makeovers.)

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Entry filed under: Chelsea. Tags: , , , .

I Lose, You Win One Small Step For Man

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. osarah  |  April 14, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Very well put! I fall victim to forgetfulness on the discomfort of my shoes often. It’s sad, really.

    John always wonders why I buy shoes that are so uncomfortable. I try to explain that most good looking shoes are not comfortable. My most comfortable shoes are my Rainbow flip flops. Too bad those don’t fly in the business world or in cold weather. Otherwise, I’d wear them every day.

  • 2. Christine  |  April 14, 2009 at 11:15 am

    Beauty is pain. 😦

  • 3. Lindsay  |  April 14, 2009 at 11:26 am

    1. SHOES!!!
    2. I still have an extremely deep blister from those 4-5 inch peach heels I wore on the cruise & it hurts to wear anything but my moccasins…but they were so cute I don’t care..I’d wear them again!!
    2. My red shoes are marvelous. They are very strappy and have yet to give me blisters. We should have a competition to see whose overalls look sexier with our red heels.
    3. No matter what you say, your hallway still looks like a baby’s nursery….sorry, Sister…gotta be honest!

  • 4. Chelsea Hurst  |  April 14, 2009 at 11:31 am

    Who will judge said contest?

    Oh girl, I know! That hallway is the worst! You’re looking for a summer job, right? You can be my painter/cleaner/general to-do list tackler… yes?

    Christine… you’re so right. It’s so sad though!

  • 5. Lindsay  |  April 14, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    YES! But it has to be a JOB..i need MONEY!!!!!

  • 6. kelly  |  April 14, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    i’m wearing red patent peep toe pumps right now! i feel pretty sassy…even if they are hidden under my desk. see you tonight!

  • 7. Mom  |  April 14, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Hate to break it to you girls, but THIS SYNDROME WILL NEVER END!!!! That is, as long as we continue to pay for cheap shoes. Shop at exclusive places where shoes are over $100 then MAYBE it will be better. Shoes hurt, feet hurt, end of story! Bummer 😦

  • 8. Jimbo  |  April 14, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    At the risk of receiving food and sharp objects thrown my way…when it comes to shoes, it’s great to be a man. Four pairs of shoes are all we need and they are all comfortable!

  • 9. Lindsay  |  April 14, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    …but we look hotter in our shoes!

  • 10. Rachel  |  April 14, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    So I’m hoping you’ll still be my friend when you read this… I don’t watch the biggest loser but I did tonight because you keep droning on and on about it. 🙂 jk… Anyway, I might be hooked and I don’t like Jillian.

  • 11. Rachel  |  April 14, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    PS – Do you feel lazy while you watch it? Because I felt guilty I wasn’t working out.

  • 12. 100th Post « Roots and Rings  |  May 26, 2009 at 9:16 am

    […] 6. Buying the Perfect Shoes […]

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