Archive for April, 2009

Loser Gossip

An extra today:

 

Apparently last December/January, Shannon (of the pink team.. you know, they daughter that got sent home by her OWN MOTHER) was arrested for domestic violence. The tenant below her had his TV on too loud so she crushed some Christmas light bulbs and threw a bag of flour in his face. Flour? Hmm.. I guess Bob made it clear that flour in mass quantities is dangerous. Too bad her mom didn’t care enough to spend time with her and teach her what acceptable behavior is.

 

I also found out that Michelle (from last season) got engaged to her boyfriend of 4 months after the show. Hmm… boyfriend of 4 months… and she was on the ranch for how long? Sounds like they know each other really well! I love Michelle, really, I do. But, seriously?! I hope he’s wonderful and their marriage works! Can’t wait to see pictures!!

April 16, 2009 at 1:50 pm 2 comments

Loser Week 15: Looking Hot and Losing Weight*

 *May not apply to all contestants.

 

This is one of the best episodes of the year. I just love makeover week!! Okay, I’m going to do a pretty thorough summary this week. I didn’t last week  but certain people (cough Sarah cough) missed the episode and needed the recap. So here we go!

 

We started with a challenge. Actually we started with Filipe and Kristin crying about Sione being gone. No big surprise there… Filipe has become quite comfortable releasing the waterworks. So, like I was saying, we started with a challenge. The contestants had to walk over some cables that were hanging over a canyon type thing. Filipe, Mike, and Tara all started really well. Then Tara fell and it took her “a good minute” to find her feeting and get going again. Mikey slowed. Tara sped. And…. surprise surprise, Tara passed Filipe and won. She won a $25,000 kitchen makeover and a newly stocked fridge “courtesy of Jenny-O turkey.”

 

Next the contestants were taken to LA for their makeovers. They shopped at Macy’s with Tim Gunn. They got their hair done. And then they made their debut at a “movie debut” – which turned out to be a short film about the contestants’ journey. One by one they came out. Standing at the bottom of the stairs was someone special from their life. I’m sure none of them were really surprised about that, it happens every year. I do think it’s cruel that they come out on this HUGE flight of stairs, get excited, and are expected to sucessfully walk down those stairs. Especially the girls! They’ve been living in tennis shoes, now they are wearing heels! But, thankfully, nobody ate it!

 

Everyone looked fantastic. I was actually shocked at how handsome Filipe is now. He has a jaw bone! Helen didn’t look much different, I think they just trimmed her hair a bit. Kristin was so cute. I’m very glad they took the big blonde chunks out of her hair. I was anxious to see her husband. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think we’ve seen much of him. And I do think it’s weird that they haven’t seen each other in so long and greeted each other with a hug. Kiss her dude!! Tara was gorgeous, but we knew she would be. And I was really hoping her mom would give Jillian a lesson on how to say her daughter’s name. we weren’t so lucky. Laura looked great. They dyed her hair red and cut it. I told Stephen that was a bad hair cut for someone that has to work out all the time. It’s too short for a pony tail. Ron looked better. They shaved his beard. WHOO HOO! Why didn’t his wife do that years ago?? He looks a lot less creepy now. Mike looked amazing. I’ve said this before but this kid is so stinking cute! I am so excited for him and his future. I hope he has mounds of confidence now. The rest of Mike and Ron’s family was there. The teeny tiny mom (seriously?! how does that work?) and the big younger brother Max. It was quite emotional. Max was crying because now he’s the big one. He said he wants to be like Mike. (They all want to be like Mike! Ha ha.. Cheesey.. Sorry… I’m hanging my head in shame.. Er.. Let’s move on..) He’s only 17 but I’m really hoping they’ll put him on the show once he’s 18. He would do so well!

 

Now to the drama of the day. Pretty simple drama. Laura found out she has a stress fracture in her hip. She was told she can’t put pressure on her hip. No running or jumping or anything like that for 3 months. Jillian’s face became all Jillian-like. Overly emotional, like she’s the lead role in a crappy high school play.

 

Last chance workout. Always entertaining. Always sweaty. Always full of yelling and cussing and cheering. Good tv!

 

Now to the weigh-in. Just a few highlights: Mikey broke the record of most pounds lost on the ranch. He beat Roger from a couple seasons ago. And he made sure to ask if they did it in the same amount of time. “Good, so no asterisk!” Ahh Mikey! Helen lost a ton of weight. Can’t actually remember how much. Either 7 or 9 pounds. Either way, it put her in first place by a long shot. Kristin and Laura were below the yellow line. Laura actually gained 3 pounds. They made their speeches, Laura saying that she wants to be here and blah blah and vote as if she weren’t injured. Yeah, uh, right. Then Kristin said that while, yes, she’s lost a ton of weight and she’s still a huge threat, her current weight is what many women start at. She said that in the beginning of the game everyone voted based on who NEEDED to be there, it wasn’t about game play. She asked them to do the same. She still needs to be there. Great speech Kristin. Love you! Ron made a speech (wait, Ron spoke up during deliberations? really? Shocking!) about how he’s suffered from hip problems and how Laura shouldn’t be here. She needs to go home and get better. Okay okay, so yes, that was nice. But he has other motives. He wanted to make sure team green didn’t still have two votes. We see your manipulative ways Ron! You don’t fool us!

 

Laura was voted off, 3-2. I was going to be really sad to see Kristin go. So glad they kept her. I’m not too sad to see Laura go. I do hope she does well at home though. Obviously she has no chance to win the at-home prize since she’s injured. But we did see that she’s managing to keep the weight off, which is great!

 

Okay, that was long. Once you get me going…! I’m pumped about next week. Mikey is going to confront his dad about their weight issues. Good thing, because all of America has been wondering the same thing. Ron, if your life was so awful being overweight, why did you let your sons do the same thing??? And wife, what’s the deal? You are just as much to blame – or more. You are the mom! You provide the food! Come on people! I really hope next week’s episode hits home for a lot of viewers. You aren’t just responsible for yourself, you are also responsible for your kiddos!

 

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Today is your last day to enter the giveaway for the Beauty by the Book CDs. You can enter twice. (Click here) I’ll post the winners tomorrow!

April 16, 2009 at 10:29 am 3 comments

One Small Step For Man

Let me first repeat my last statement from yesterday- I was at the Rice/A&M game last night and wasn’t able to watch Biggest Loser. I will watch it tonight. Please don’t say anything!

 

———

 

As you know, I’m going through vision therapy. Today marks day 63 of my therapy. I went to see my eye doc this morning to see if I’ve made any progress. As I’m sure you can imagine, I was pretty nervous about this appointment. It’s been 63 days of Space Balls and Number Jump and Chipmunk Chase. It’s been 63 days of knitting and cross stitching. It’s been 63 days of living the patched up life of a pirate. And to be honest with you, I haven’t noticed any improvement. I still only use my right eye, I still don’t see 3D, I still get insanely tired at the end of my therapy. But I was hanging on to some glimmer of hope. Certainly all this work would pay off. Certainly I haven’t spent 63 hours of my time just to find out it’s not helping.

 

You may be sitting there and thinking “Chelsea, it’s going to take some time. Even if you don’t see improvement, keep going. You’re teaching your brain to use your eye… that’s not a quick and easy task.” Thank you. Please keep those positive thoughts coming. If you weren’t thinking that, start thinking it. I need you all to believe that this is going to happen! Try to imagine my hatred for this therapy. Playing these awful computer “games” each night is wearing on me. Think about how hard it would be to reserve an hour each evening to do something you love… got it? Okay, now think about how frustrating it would be to cut out an hour each night to do something you hate. Are you with me?

 

Anyways, this is why I was nervous about today. If I didn’t see any improvement it would mean I would need to do therapy much much longer. So I settled in my chair, told my doc I’m not feeling any different. She didn’t look concerned. She never does. She already knew I was going to say that. So she ran all of my tests and did all of the measurements and boy oh boy, I was wrong. I have improved!! Not a ton, but some. And some is all I ask for! She said this is pretty normal. Maybe slightly less than what she would have liked to see, but still something to celebrate.

 

Want to hear the highlight of the trip? Okay, so you know that test where you put on the funky glasses and look in that book and point out which cartoon cat is popping off the page? (It’s the test to see 3D, in case you couldn’t figure that out.) Well I’ve never been able to do that. They all look like they were squished to the page. You know, like in real cartoons when the cat gets run over and he lays on the road in the exact shape he was just standing in. And someone had to peel him off and shake him out like a floor mat until he puffs back into shape. Yeah, that’s what I see. Today, I was able to do one! The first line, the easy one, I was able to point out the 3D cat. And with a few more blinks and some encouragement, I did another one! The third one was still squished to the page, but it’s okay. Maybe he’ll decide to pop out in a few months when I go back.

 

So give my brain a few high fives! Well, maybe just a few “hip hip hoorays” – we wouldn’t want to ruin all of that hard work with a few celebratory high fives… And give God the glory for a job well done! There’s a long way to go but at least we’ve taken this small step. I think that you’ll agree that this small step for me, is a giant leap for my brain.

April 15, 2009 at 10:54 am 12 comments

Buying the Perfect Shoes

It is so hard to find a great pair of shoes. You just never know how they actually fit. They aren’t fools. They know that all they have to do is adapt to the unique curves of your feet long enough to convince you that you can’t live without them. It’s so sad girls. They see us coming. They see us coming and start looking all sexy. They temporarily contort themselves to fit our weird feet like a glove. Then, once money has exchanged hands and you’ve welcomed them into your home, they change. All of a sudden you notice that they have weird lumps and rough spots and with each step your feet throb and grow a blister the size of a water balloon. Oh the frustration. You limp home screaming, “Why oh why?! How did you fool me? You lied to my face and left me here to lick my wounds. Well I won’t tolerate it, no I won’t! You will spend the rest of your days in the back of my closet. Your days are done. Yes, that’s right. Next to my bridesmaid shoes and yard work tennis shoes. What? It smells back there? It’s dusty? Well get used to it. That’s your new home! (Okay see you in four months when I’ve forgotten this pain and develop a new love for your beautiful curves.)

 

I don’t think this behavior is exclusive to shoes. Think about it. This is precisely why your avocados feel perfect in the store but are hard as rocks later that night when you need them for dinner. It’s also why puppies are so cute and fluffy and lick your nose but then come home and crap on your floor and shed 365 days a year. But we don’t accept this. We try to outsmart these devious goods. “Oh, just throw some salt and pepper on those avocados, they taste just fine. Actually I prefer these hard avocados… Yumm..” We try to talk ourselves into it. Like when the paint swatches look fine in the store and then you bring the paint home and now your hallway looks like a little girl’s nursery… It’s no big deal, I sort of like this. It’s a nice color, really. I think it could grow on me. I’m not opposed to a change, of course, but I think this color is just swell.

 

Now I’m a firm believer that every girl should own a pair of red shoes. I’m new to this belief though, so I had to go out and buy two pairs of red shoes… you know, to catch up! The first pair is pure perfection. I love them. I think that they’d even make overalls look sexy. The second pair I bought, well, I didn’t have a choice. I found the purse that I had to buy. You know how that is? I just didn’t have a choice. I saw it and knew I was going to buy it. But sitting next to it were some matching shoes. These shiny red flats… the reject sizes. All on sale. Since I wear a monstrous size 10, I can often find reject shoes. And sure enough, there they were. I tried them on. They were light, breathable, and oh-so-cute with the purse I was holding. It honestly didn’t take much deliberation. I bought them.

 

Of course their mission was to trick me into buying them so that they could ruin my life.

 

Last week I wanted to wear these shoes with some jeans. After just 2 steps I knew I was going to have a problem. I slapped a bandaid on each heel and told those shoes that they weren’t going to win this battle. I walked to the other side of the house. I realized my steps weren’t normal. There was something inhuman about them. I was trying to step without actually stepping. Ladies, I’m sure you can relate. It somehow reminds me of a horse trying to walk down a sidewalk without stepping on the cracks. The bandaids had slipped (already!) and there were red marks on my heels. I rushed back to my room to arm myself further. Two more bandaids, this time, the fancy cloths ones. Hmm, what else? I ran to my dresser. I was bound to have an old pair of knee length hose from my banking days. Sure enough! I slipped them on. Ahhh! That’s what I’m talking about. They were so cute! And just like that, all of the pain went away!

 

I guess it’s not that hard to find perfect shoes. Just make sure you have the perfect bandaids to go along with them!

 

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**Also, I’m going to the Rice / A&M game tonight… which means I won’t be able to watch Biggest Loser. DON’T spoil it for me. No texts or comments or emails PLEASE! I’ll watch it tomorrow night and post about it on Thursday. (SPOILER ALERT: The Losers were in my Good Housekeeping magazine this month… Ron’s beard is gone. WHOO HOO! I’m sure that’s what you’ll see tonight during the makeovers.)

April 14, 2009 at 9:53 am 12 comments

I Lose, You Win

Sometimes I write my posts at night. Sometimes, if I have an idea and a bit of time to sit around and do nothing while my husband plays Tetris on the Wii, I will type out a blog post and save it for the next day. This is what I did last night. However, sometime last night, the blog monster logged in to my account and deleted it. This totally blows my mind. As you type a post, WordPress automatically saves your draft every so often. So really, it should be somewhere. But it’s not. It’s gone. Lost. Into the depths of cyberspace. And I’m annoyed. Do any of you WordPressers know how to find a lost post? I’ve tried everything!

 

Last week I posted about the Bible Study I’m going through. I got a lot of comments, emails, and facebook messages about it. I’m glad to hear that so many of you are striving the be godly women. I sent an email to Priority Ministries to tell them how much I’m enjoying the study and how many women in my life are interested in this study. On Saturday, I received a really sweet letter from the Director of Production and Resources. She sent me two Beauty by the Book single CDs to give away to you, my fabulous readers. That’s pretty fantastic, huh?

 

Here’s how we’ll do this. If you’d like to enter, just post a comment to this post. The only requirement is that your comment must contain the word “beauty”. It can be Biblical beauty, worldly beauty, a link to a beautiful dress you want, etc. You can post up to 2 comments. I will use a random number generator and announce the two winners on Friday.

 

Best of luck!

April 13, 2009 at 9:57 am 10 comments

(A Title-less Pointless Post)

Since today is Good Friday and nobody has to go to work except me, I’m not going to write a fancy schmancy post. I’m sure you’re all out working in the yard, running errands, or visiting family. For the select 4 people who will read today (Stephen, mom, dad, Lindsay), here goes nothing:

 

-I have had a few people tell me that they are intimidated by the Crock Pot. Oh people, you are missing out on one of the great glories in life. Think back to those wonderful days in high school where you come home and the house smells delicious. You know your mom has been in the kitchen making something wonderful. You can have that with the Crock Pot. Throw it all in the pot in the morning and when you come home from work, it’s done! For you morning people (Jim), this is perfect. Wake up. Cut up your veggies. Make your seasonings. Do whatever you need to. For us non-morning people (me), do this at night. I put all of my stuff together in the pot, put it in the fridge, and then in the morning I just add the wet ingredients and go. And because you are slow cooking, the flavors are delicious. There is almost nothing better than carrots that have been cooking all day with your roast! So take the plunge! (I just made a roast on Monday. Will post the recipe here later today.)

 

-Do you want to know why my husband rocks? Well, for many reasons… but here’s a specific. He is one of those lucky souls that doesn’t have work today. If I were him, I wouldn’t set an alarm. I’d sleep until my body felt like waking up and then slowly start being productive. Not my man. He set his alarm for 6:45. Got his sweet butt out of bed and went to Starbucks to get me a mocha and a muffin! Oh I love him!! (Thanks Esteban!)

 

-I’m pretty sure I’ve discussed this but we have trays of herbs and veggies growing in our house. Stephen built a raised garden and filled it with a great veggie blend dirt. Today he’ll transfer the plants into the garden. Want to know why I’m annoyed? Half of my parsley didn’t grow. And my dill went limp and is tangled. I think I’ll plant some new seeds directly into the garden. I’ll spread them out a bit more to see if that helps.

 

-I’m baking my first carrot cake this weekend. I’m in charge of two desserts for our Easter lunch. The first is this amazing Oreo dessert that I made for Stephen’s b-day (will add this to the recipe blog at some point). I thought I’d give a carrot cake a try. Sunday is also my MIL’s b-day and she loves carrot cake. And also, I thought that making a carrot cake on Easter was kind of cute. Wish me luck. If I fail, I may never do it again!

 

-My cousin had a baby yesterday. Little baby Sophie Grace! She’s quite early, she wasn’t due until the middle of May. She weighs 3lbs 8oz! Precious precious baby!!! Say prayers for her and momma! She’s doing just fine, no complications. Praise God!

 

-My church had a member of Jews for Jesus come to church last night for Maundy Thursday. The presentation was fascinating. I encourage you to google it and learn a bit about the Jewish culture and Passover. I hope you all make it to church tonight and focus on what today is all about. I know many like to avoid it so they don’t have to “feel bad”… Yeah, it’s sad. Yes, it’s pretty depressing. But it’s important to acknowledge. You (and me of course) put Him on that cross. So at least take a minute to focus on what He did for you. “The punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

 

-We got our tax return on Wednesday! I never updated from my previous post, but thank God I had made a mistake. I had my dad review my taxes and I had left off our property taxes. So we got a bit more than $39! Whoo hoo!

 

-Does anyone in Houston have a good Handyman? We are thinking about removing our shower and installing a new one. We’ll need to move some plumbing. It’s a fairly big job. One we’d rather pay someone to do it than have Stephen waste a bunch of his free time on it.

 

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

April 10, 2009 at 9:27 am 8 comments

Never Bite the Hand That Feeds You

Remember way back when? Back when life was grand and warm and I was crusing around the Caribbean? Ahhh… those were the days! I’ve shared a few stories from that vacation but I left out a great one. As with all of my other stories, I hope this transfers well. Often I think of something so funny and then as I re-read it later I think, “Who trusted me with a blog? I just fell asleep reading that!” So bear with me!

 

A few years ago I went on a Norwegian Freestyle cruise with my parents and sister. “Freestyle” cruising is basically the same as regular cruising, except you don’t have assigned dinner tables, times, and waiters. The commercials say something like, “You’re on vacation. You don’t want us telling you what to do.” Or something ridiculous like that. I don’t see it that way. To me, Freestyle cruising isn’t “doing what you want” it’s an excuse for the cruise-line to skimp on service. It’s their way of telling us that when we want to go to dinner, we’ll have to put our name down on a waiting list until they have space for a party of 4. The worst part is that you have a different waiter each night. I have opinions about this. You have opinions? No!

 

One of the best parts of cruising is getting to know your waiter. They are fun, entertaining, and so friendly. This past cruise, ours was great. His name was Rick and he was from Trinidad. One evening at dinner he invited us to go have breakfast in the formal dining room the next morning. (We normally just do room service or the buffet.) We agreed. He said he’d save a table for 8 just for us. For you cruise virgins, let me clarify. You have assigned dinner times and tables, but breakfast is on your own. If you choose to eat in the formal dining room, they seat you where ever they want and your waiter is whoever they want. So for Rick to save us a table at the time of our choice, well, it’s unusual and going above and beyond.

 

The next morning comes. As Stephen and I walk into the dining room we easily spot the large round table. My parents, Justin, and Laura are already sitting there. But there are 4 empty seats. We take our seats and say good morning to Rick. The minutes pass and there is no sign of Lindsay or Lauren. These 2 empty seats are now staring us straight in the face. No shows? Really? Rick does not pretend to not notice. He asks us where the two girls are. Apologetically we tell him that we have no idea and that they must’ve stood him up. We did not realize the wrath that he would unleash. “I guess they won’t eat tonight,” he joked.

 

We all gathered again that night for dinner. As Rick walked around the table placing napkins on our laps and handing us our menus, he blantantly ignored Lindsay and Lauren. No eye contact, no smirk, not even a reprimand. Lindsay and Lauren glanced at each other, seeing that they’ve been ignored but having no idea why. They looked at the napkins, beautifully folded in front of them. They didn’t dare move them. (Laura had done this a few nights ago and Rick forced her to refold it before she got to order. And since Lindsay and Lauren had skipped the napkin folding class, they couldn’t risk it.) As we read the menu and tried not to explode in laughter, I noticed Lauren peaking over at Stephen’s menu and Lindsay keeping to herself. Meanwhile, our assistant waiter (Alex) came by to fill our water glasses. He saw that napkins sitting in front of the girls. He grabbed them and laid them over their laps. “Alex!” Rick yelled as he ran over, “Don’t touch that!”

 

Lindsay innocently looks at all of us. “Um. Is Rick mad at us? What did we do?” At this point, we couldn’t hold in our laughter. We gently told them that they may have hurt his feelings by skipping breakfast this morning. And that they ought to apologize before he sends them up to the Windjammer to eat buffet style. They apologized, explaining that they were tired and didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. They told him that they regret their decision and please please please let them eat. He gave them menus but didn’t speak to them. His attitude toward them was cold as ice as he took their order and delivered their food. When it came time for dessert, things got personal. They ordered a sinful chocolate cake. They got this:

 

Lauren's says "No Way" - Lindsay's says "Sorry" At least it's written in chocolate!

Lauren's says "No Way" - Lindsay's says "Sorry" At least it's written in chocolate!

 

They were smiling for the picture… deep down I’m sure there was a bit of fear. “Really? Is this our dessert? Could he at least bring me a cookie so I could dip it into my chocolate rejection?!”

 

Treaties can be reached many different ways. A handshake, an apology, a signature. You may not know this but in open seas, treaties are reached a bit differently. The wrong do-er pleads a heartfelt apology, promises to behave, and swears to never take their relationship for granted. It’s up to the person on the other end at this point. He has the choice to hold a grudge. Or he can do the only other option:

 

Chocolate cake - the only way to rebuild a relationship.

Chocolate cake - the only way to rebuild a relationship.

April 9, 2009 at 10:03 am 6 comments

Loser Week 14: Nothing Has Changed, Except… Everything

After this week, we learned that:

 

-Kristin is still funny and lovable. (I think a few of you don’t like her, but I still do.)

-Jillian still makes ridiculously dramatic facial expressions.

-Sione and Tara continue to dominate competitions.

-Bob still can’t get a handle on his bickering team.

-Ron is still manipulative and hypocritical and so obnoxious. (Also, we haven’t addressed this before but what the HECK is up with his beard??? Why does he shave it that way? It does not look good!)

-Jillian still doesn’t know how to pronounce Tara.

-Mike is still lovable… even though he may be sort of shady.

-Tara still needs to address the deeper issue.

-I still love Allison Sweeny and think she’s gorgeous and a fabulous host!

-Ron continues to somehow lose amazing amounts of weight.

 

So yeah, nothing really changed this week. I will assume at this point that if you read this post each week, you actually watch the show. So I’m not going to give the play by play. Basically there was a temptation – Laura won. She won the one and only vote this week. The challenge was rough! It was running up and down the stairs in a football stadium. Tara won. Sione got a close second. And there was a lot of drama with the brown team and blue team. Ron and Mike were extremely pissed at Sione and Filipe. Which, I still don’t understand why… Didn’t Ron encourage his team to vote Filipe off?? So it’s really tit-for-tat… Shut up Ron. It’s a freaking game. Get used to it! If you’re a jerk and cocky, why would you think your alliances are going to stick with you? GO HOME ALREADY.

 

Sadly, he didn’t. The two people below the yellow line were Sione and Helen. With their fate in the hands of Laura, they all went to the elimination room. Laura had great things to say about both but ultimately voted off Sione. I LOVE Sione. As a competitor, as a person, as a dad, etc. I think he’s a great guy. I’m very sad to see him go. But I don’t blame Laura. She made a smart move. He’s neck and neck with Tara when it comes to being the toughest one there.

 

While nothing dramatic and life-changing happened this week, Sione left. And that changes everything.

April 8, 2009 at 9:21 am 8 comments

Becoming THAT Woman

The following post is not my usual; it not dripping in sarcasm! I hope you still enjoy it.

I’ve been blogging for 3 months now. I’ve been pulled into the blogging world unarmed. This is not recommended. There are so many women out there that have amazing blogs. They cook, they sew, they knit, they are photographers, and they are fantastic writers. On top of that, they have beautiful children, a wonderful husband, and a clean house. Oh how I desire that! I have a wonderful husband, but I’m lacking in just about every other area. Stephen and I have talked about this before. We feel that we are good at many things, but not great at anything. And while this may not be a bad thing (or even true) it has the ability to tear you apart. This is definitely a lie that someone down under (and I don’t mean Australia!) is feeding us.

My Bible Study is doing a study called Beauty by the Book. Our church recently had Laurie Cole come speak at a Girl’s Night Out and I thought she was great. Now we’re doing her 6 week study. Last week as I was doing my homework, something happened. I was studying the Ideal Woman and reading Proverbs 31. Now I’ve read this chapter a million times. Maybe even a trillion times. But for the first time, it made me angry. As a teenager I always thought, “I can’t wait to be a wonderful Proverbs 31 woman! I can’t wait to tend to my home and my children and cook and keep the house together. I can’t wait to be blessed and praised by my children and husband.” It seemed so easy back then. Now, as I read through the discription of this woman, I hate her. I hate that I feel so inadequate. I hate that I don’t even have children but can’t seem to keep my house together. I hate that I have no sweet skills. I hate that I can’t wake up before dawn to prepare breakfast or make coverings for the bed. I eat cereal from a styrafoam cup on the way to work! So after reading this and feeling that I am The Queen of Mediocrity, I realized I have issues!

How often do you fall in this trap? How often do you compare yourself to others? God does not call us all to the same life, so why do we compare ourselves to everyone? We discussed this passage last night and went over how important it is to recognize that this is not “A Day in the Life Of”, it’s a panoramic view of her life (nor is it meant to be taken extremely literally; your children don’t need to be clothed in scarlet, and you don’t have to buy a field…). I think the most important part is verses 26-30.

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her, ‘Many women do noble things but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

So ladies, let’s strive for that! Let’s strive to have the type of character that our husbands want to praise. Let’s speak with wisdom and throw out that bread of idleness! Then slowly, we can take on other challenges. Of course it’s not a bad thing for me to desire these other talents. I mean, who doesn’t want to make killer chocolate chip cookie for their kids? Or have an inviting home? Or be able to sew their own curtains or pillows or tote bags? This is not wrong, (thank God because I WILL do these things… one day!) it’s just not everything. And goodness, that’s a relief! Nobody expects me to be this woman. Nobody is putting this pressure on me, except me!

And that, my friends, is fantastic news!!

April 7, 2009 at 9:39 am 7 comments

Opening Day

Today is Major League Baseball’s Opening Day. In my previous life (aka: life before Stephen) I would wear an Astros hat and Astros shirt. I would bake a round cake, frost it in white icing and put red stitches on it. I would walk around with a smile on my face and a hop in my step. I would read all the MLB websites. And I would most definitely go to the game tonight. But times change. Priorities change. Husbands happen.

 

Husbands change everything. I’ve heard the saying, “If you want to see a woman gain weight and stop shaving her legs, watch her get married.” Yeah yeah. Okay maybe that is partially true, but give us a chance to defend ourselves. Hear me out!

 

I don’t think it’s necessarily true that we don’t shave our legs anymore. Or that we quit wearing make up. Or that we “let ourselves go.” I think that there are just more eyes on us now. Back in college if I woke up and didn’t feel like getting ready, I could throw on some track pants, a t-shirt, throw my hair up and go. Nobody would think twice. There wouldn’t be any judgment. If I played my cards right and sat by that guy, I could even look dressed up compared to his torn flannel PJs and matted hair. But not now. Now I’m expected to dress like I care. Like I’m a mature adult who cares about what all of the other grocery store patrons think. But I am a grocery store patron myself. And I don’t notice. The only thing I care about when I’m at the grocery store is if the avocados are ripe and the yogurt is on sale. I don’t stop to notice what other customers are wearing. Unless of course they are dressed up… in which case I wonder who the heck they are trying to impress.

 

But stereotypes are out there for a reason. So obviously someone somewhere thinks that married women let themselves go. Yes we wear ponytails, yes we skip make up occasionally, of course we don’t shave as often in the winter… but we did all of this before marriage. It’s not our fault that you didn’t analyze our appearance back then. And to you, Stacy London, I love you… but it is okay to own sweatpants, it is okay to own t-shirts, it is okay to have multiple pairs of jeans and tennis shoes. I don’t live in LA. If I want to sit around my house with my husband, I don’t need to wear a wrap-around dress that flatters my shape. My husband knows my shape, I’m not going to fool him!

 

As far as gaining weight, okay, I’ll give you that. The second we get back from our honeymoon, we start swelling up. For this, I blame the husband. In my former life, it was acceptable to skip dinner. It was perfectly normal to have a bowl of Ramen and call it a night. Grilled cheese and tomato soup was my dinner of choice. Not anymore. Apparently, dinner is not dinner without some sort of meat. This was a big shock for me when we got married. My dad was never like this. Maybe it’s because of his frugality (is that a word? it is now…) and how he’d never waste a morsel of food. He puffs with pride when he can eat a meal and only spend $1.76. He would never assume that every dinner should have some sort of meat. My brother ate anything. His only request was that it be dead. And not fungus. Otherwise, he didn’t care if it was meat or not. But I have found that they are the exception, not the rule. So many men have this meat mentality. Consequently, us new wives have to please our men. We have to make actual meals each night. So we gain weight. This is not our fault.

 

I’ve copied my friend Sarah and created a little way to help out all of you newlyweds! (Or those practicing for newlywedism.) If we have to cook and gain weight, we may as well do it with great recipes! Today is the opening day of my new recipe blog. (<– click there) Don’t expect a new post everyday, that’s just ridiculous! But I’ll post as I cook new recipes that I feel are worth passing along.

 

In honor of Opening Day and the Astros taking on those pesky Cubs, maybe we’ll order a Chicago style pizza. The button on my jeans popped just thinking about that…

April 6, 2009 at 10:27 am 9 comments

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