What Happens in KC… Gets Blogged
I’ve shared a few stories of my trip to Kansas City this week. The drinks in the face, the nosy valet driver, the fashion show, Jazzy Jeff, etc. If you can even believe it, there was more randomness. I think it would be best shared in bullet form:
- As Kelly and I waited for our plane to arrive at Hobby, a man walked in front of us and started messing with his briefcase. We didn’t pay much attention to him until we heard a noise. A very loud noise. A very farty noise. We did everything in our power to maintain our composure. Now call us immature, but when a butt that is 4 feet from you lets one loose and continues to proceed as if nothing happened, it’s funny! Five minutes later, The Farter sat next to Kelly. We continued to avoid eye contact. He made that very difficult for us when he joined our conversation. We were discussing our moms and what wonderful grandmas they’ll be. One of his opening lines was, “The problem with grandmas is… they die!” Are you kidding me, dude? Then he told us about the death of every woman he ever knew. Thanks, creeper!
- Kelly was in Boarding Group B, I was in C. It was a full flight. My biggest fear was that I was going to get stuck next to The Farter and have to listen to his weird stories all the way to KC. Kelly boarded first and had a very difficult decision. Find a seat toward the back that has at least one extra seat. Sit with someone who looks like they won’t be annoyed with us chatting the whole time. Find someone who won’t talk about their dying grandmothers. She got to the back and narrowed it down to two. She took a chance and sat with a 37 year old man named Scott. He gave her tips on how to save my seat. He was a frequent flier – he knew his stuff! As I was nearing the back, people in front of me started turning around and saying, “There are no seats left, go to the front.” I got to use the line, “Oh, well my seat is being held. Excuse me.” I was able to make it to the back and claim my seat. Scott quickly turned into our best friend when he presented us with an infinite amount of free drink vouchers. I’m on vacation, yes please!
- We actually heard a woman on her cell phone say, “Well, I gotta go. I gotta use the john.” Which led us to wonder- if you are a woman, should it be called “the jane”??
- Saturday we snuck into the Intercontinental Hotel’s pool. It was pretty crowded. As we were chatting, reading, and sipping on Malibu and Pineapple we saw these two men arrive. They were in their 40s, very very tan, and very very gay. They both were wearing a combination of yellow, red, white, and things with the word LIFEGUARD written on them. I was up at the bar getting a few beverages and I see one of these men walk up beside me. I turned my head and almost fainted when I saw that he was now wearing a red LIFEGUARD hat and a tight red speedo. I’m not sure how I didn’t laugh, or throw up. Speedo are never okay. Even if you’re gay.
- We decided we’d get pedicures on Saturday afternoon. I called this placed called Polished to set up appointments. “Sure, what’s the name?” I told him my name and he repeated, “Chelty?” No. I repeated. “Kelsey?” Again, no. I repeated again and spelled it. Okay, I understand that Chelsea isn’t an extremely common name, but is Chelty??
- On Friday evening we saw a group of older couples. All of the women were wearing formal dresses. The men were all wearing tuxes. However, instead of tux pants, they wore black shorts. All of them. In public.
- Driving downtown on Saturday there were mobs of people around. We had no idea what was going on. I saw a sign that said something about “Pride Parking” and then saw a guy wearing shorts, rainbow suspenders, and no shirt. We had our answer. Lyndsey said, “But there are so many people. There must be something else going on. I mean, look over there, they don’t look gay.” We looked. “Lyndsey, they are holding hands.” Oh…
- A cab company told Lyndsey that they wouldn’t pick us up because we couldn’t give them an address. Since when is an intersection not acceptable? Lyndsey was having none of their attitude and said a few words to management. That is why we now promote Atlas Cabs for all of your Kansas City cab needs. And of course because their business cards cannot be topped! (Check out the Hip Kids post if you missed that picture.)
- At dinner on Friday night a car pulled over on the street next to our table. Maybe it was two cars. Either that or it was like clowns in a car – about 9 people in formal attire swarmed around the car. They were there for no less than 40 minutes pouring water out of vases that were in their trunk. Two questions: Who’s bright idea was it to put full vases in a trunk? And why does it take 40 minutes to fix the problem?
It’s hard to believe we were there less than 48 hours! It was a fantastic trip! Thanks girls!!
*Spell check doesn’t like the word “Speedo”… we don’t like it either, Spell Check. Trust me.