Move Over Jillian Michaels

Buying a house is an exhausting, emotional event. Stephen and I rushed into our purchase of Hurst Castle so we didn’t have much time to freak out. (I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, so let’s blow past that.) It takes a while to get to know your house. You learn the noises, the smells, which faucets drip, which parts of the floor creak, how to properly unlock the front door, etc. There is a lot of personality in a house.

When we went to our signing, we were able to meet the son of the previous owners. (The previous owners were elderly and had passed away a year or so before. And, no, we don’t know if they died in the house. Why would you even ask that?!) So anyways, we met one of the sons and he was talking about the house. He said, “My mom took great care of that house. She used to clean the floors with a toothbrush.” I laughed a bit and in my head I thought, “That’s a bit much. Why wouldn’t she just use a mop??”

I soon found out. And I don’t feel sorry for her. She spent time on her hands and knees because she made a ridiculous tile choice. First of all, it’s white. Never buy white tile. Ever. EVER. Secondly, it has grooves and pores. So what does that mean? It means that every spec of dirt that gets tracked into our house not only gets ON the tile, it gets IN the tile. Mopping doesn’t clean out those tiny holes.

So one Saturday morning about a year ago, I saw an amazing infomercial. (That’s a bit redundant, isn’t it? All infomercials are amazing!) It was for The Shark. Have you seen this thing? It’s amazing. Check it out…

Look how happy she is! You just fill it with water, plug it in, and mop. Each time you push, the handle goes in and releases steam that cleans and sterilizes your floors. At the end, you take off the padding on the bottom and throw it in the washing machine. Amazing, right? Yeah I thought so too. So I bought one. In theory, this thing works like a charm. But in theory, your tile doesn’t have billions of pores.

The first day I bought it, I mopped every hard surface in our house. Then I sat and cried for 3 hours because you couldn’t tell the difference.

Just kidding about the crying.

It was frustrating though. The Shark worked on our brick-looking tile in our living room but failed miserably in our kitchen, bathroom, and laundry room. I decided the solution is to live with nasty floors and then shell out $200 once a year to get the kitchen professionally cleaned. We’ve lived in our house for a year and a half, we haven’t done it once. Clearly it was a good plan.

Last night, everything changed. I came home from work with a hint of a migraine. I immediately took a pill, ate dinner, and laid on the couch waiting for it to kick in. Once it kicked in I had a brilliant idea. (Drugs do that to you.) I decided I would clean the floors. I was tired of it and now was as good a time as any. I filled up a bucket with fruity smelling Pine-Sol and water, grabbed a huge thick bristled brush and a towel. I started in one corner and scrubbed. I soon realized jeans weren’t good for the job and put on some gym shorts. Thirty minutes later I changed into a sports bra. I scrubbed and sweat and scrubbed and sweat. (I don’t actually sweat, so when I say that “I sweat” I actually mean that I got hot and there may or may not have been a tiny bit of perspiration.) Two hours later, my arms were numb and my abs were sore. But my floors were clean.

I can hardly move today. But it’s worth it because I successfully cleaned the breakfast room and kitchen. I have a long way to go but I feel a great sense of accomplishment. I plan to complete the floors this weekend. My very own 2 Day Shred. Who needs Jillian?! Thirty days? Do we really need a 30 Day Shred? I guess I could stretch it into 30 days.

If I were using a toothbrush.