Are Maternity Clothes Only For Pregnant Chicks?

July 31, 2009 at 9:03 am 17 comments

There is a full length mirror on the bathroom door at work. It is a single bathroom. Just a toilet, trashcan, pedestal sink, and full length mirror. Now I love a good full-length mirror, but in the bathroom? Really? I’m not sure that anyone at my office is so hot that they like to look at their entire body each time they pee. I’m sorry if you think talking about staring at your body while peeing is TMI… Trust me, I don’t like it either. That’s my point. But there is nothing I can do about it. Someone put it there for a reason, I can’t just remove it.

So each time I visit the ladies’ room I have to decide. Do I turn to the left and look at the wall? Do I turn to the right and look at myself… while I pee? Or do I look forward and risk getting sprayed in the eye by the Air Wick FreshMatic? I’ve done the FreshMatic thing so many times that I think the quality of my contacts has seriously been compromised. And staring at the wall for 10 seconds just gets boring. So the mirror is really my only option.

Yesterday during one of my visits to the mirrored restrooms, I was noticing that my stomach is looking sort of swollen. Fat, if you will. Not cute. And not something I want to see. And honest to goodness, I literally thought, “I wish I were 3 months pregnant so this was acceptable.”

That’s not a good thought to have.

Last night I was invited to an event called Champagne, Color, and Chat. I had no idea what it was all about but I agreed to go because it had the word “champagne” in the event description and it was free. Free champagne. I’m classy like that. (I think it should be noted that, like an idiot, I forgot to have a glass of champagne. I had Chardonnay instead. Who does that?!) I got to the event and learned that the hostess is a consultant who, for lack of more eloquent words on my part, teaches people how to dress. Think “What Not to Wear”… but nicer. She’s got certificates and qualifications and all that fancy stuff. She does closest audits to teach you how to use the clothes you have. She takes you shopping if you need help narrowing down your search. She teaches you which colors work for your skin tone. Basically, she teaches you how you should dress. First, she discussed this season’s “in” colors so we can be on the look out to update our wardrobe.

I instantly thought that I was clearly not her target audience. The people that need to be there are people with money. People who won’t cry if they have to throw out old clothes. People who are willing to spend more that $11.99 on a new top. I was wearing a cami that I bought at a boutique in Kansas (yes, they do exist) when I was in at our family reunion circa 2004 and a cardigan that is so old that even Old Navy would ask me to stop wearing it. I’m not the type that can afford to update my wardrobe to keep up with the times. And honestly, I’m not that hip.

But then she mentioned that she can teach you how to dress your body. And this is a valuable lesson. Not all bodies should be created equal. So she can teach you how to dress yours. How to pick items that camoflauge your flawed spots. You know, like your pregnant belly that is filled with cheesecake, not baby. I guess I did need to be there…

— Here’s the info for any of you in Houston that might be interested. Her name is Stephanie and she’s awesome. Really, she’s not paying me to say this and I only officially met her yesterday. I just know that some of us need some help! Enjoy!


Maternity Clothes

Entry filed under: Chelsea. Tags: , , , , , .

Maybe I’m a Loser My Weekend Was Better Than Yours

17 Comments Add your own

  • 1. d.a.r.  |  July 31, 2009 at 9:32 am

    I’m the same way about clothes…..I found a pair of jeans in my closet today from 7th grade!!!! Um, that was well over a decade ago, haha!

  • 2. Jimbo  |  July 31, 2009 at 9:39 am

    I am so impressed that this woman has found this niche and decided to make a go at the personal fashion consultant market. Yay for entrepreneurialism and yay for her!

    “You know, like your pregnant belly that is filled with cheesecake, not baby.” I believe that this statement may go down in literary history with “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” and “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife” as one of the great quotations of our time.

    I also think that “Cheesecake, not baby” was a Kanye hit back in ’04.

  • 3. DebbieQ  |  July 31, 2009 at 9:57 am

    HA! Glad to know that there is someone else who hangs onto clothes. They still have some wear left in them, just ignore that stain from 1995 I always say to myself.

    P.S. You DO need hand knit socks. Email me your foot length from heel to the end of your longest toe and what your favorite color is and we will see what happens.

  • 4. Shannon  |  July 31, 2009 at 9:59 am

    I have a cheesecake baby too, but I call it a Food Baby! ha! And nope, I’m not in Texas, I’m in Arkansas (gasp!). Taco Soup is gooooood, as long as youre in the AC. I made chili last week too, I know, I know… LOL

  • 5. osarah  |  July 31, 2009 at 11:15 am

    I have had the same thought about the, uh, extra area around my stomach. Food baby = not cute. Baby baby = cute.

    Oh, and on the topic of pregnancy, someone the other day asked me how many kids I have. I really don’t know what about me screams I have children, but oh well. Maybe they were just making conversation.

  • 6. Jennifer  |  July 31, 2009 at 11:16 am

    So what should we be looking out for this season?

  • 7. Veronica  |  July 31, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    so like you (and Sarah), I honestly touch the fat in my lower belly most days and wish it were a baby istead of fat, because like you said, it would be acceptable and super cute! i’m hoping to lose that food belly by mid september 😛

    have soooo much fun w/ stephen this weekend at the beach!

  • 8. Sara  |  July 31, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Girl, I have this same problem most days. How do we get rid of our cheescake (or in my case, sweet tea and 3 musketeers as of late) belly? I really don’t want to dress it, just lose it. I’m glad I’m not alone in this problem. Darnit. I hope I look cute pregnant and not all fat and like it’s just too much cheesecake. hah!

  • 9. Marissa  |  July 31, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    I am sentimental w/ my clothes!

  • 10. Shelby  |  July 31, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    Hi! Somehow you managed upon my blog and from that I found myself here.. Anyway.. I love your writing style.. quite comical! Just wanted to let you know! 🙂 Oh.. and i’ll surely be back!

  • 11. Spotty Prep  |  July 31, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    Thanks for the laugh!! One of my favorite camisoles is actually a maternity top, from Old Navy. I wore it like 5 times before I noticed it said “Maternity” on the tag. Oops. Aw well.

  • 12. Gabby  |  July 31, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    I actually think the new flow-y shirts that everyone is wearing make most people look preggie.
    Or maybe we just all figured out it is camo for the wardrobe elte.

    I loved it when found a cami to go under a dress for a wedding last weekend on clearance for two dollars and thirty cents. Score!

  • 13. Big W-D  |  August 1, 2009 at 11:30 am

    There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray’s dad was raving about his new comfortable pants that stretched to accommodate his gut, even after Thanksgiving dinner… turned out his wife had bought him maternity pants. So that’s what I was thinking when I saw your post. That and I agree that you don’t need a mirror when you’re doing your business in the bathroom.

  • 14. The Husband  |  August 1, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    I enjoy the full length mirrors in bathrooms.

  • 15. Ashley  |  August 2, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    I totally have the same clothes from years ago — I’m just glad they still fit. Well I might be happier if they were too big, but I’m cool with them not being too small.

    And I’m glad I’m not the only person who has been attacked by an air freshener. When the shower cleaner things first came out I pushed the button and nothing happened so while I’m standing there trying to figure it out it totally sprays right in my open mouth. Apparently I didn’t think about the whole time delay… oh well, lesson learned!

  • 16. Rachel  |  August 4, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    Maternity clothes are not just for pregnant people. I discovered that post-Caden. I love maternity tanks and camis because they’re longer than normal tops. So maternity clothes are for self-conscious, tall women. I fall in that category, so don’t judge me. 🙂

  • 17. Kim  |  August 13, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    I might just hang on to my Sophie clothes forever. I just wish they made “regular” clothes feel as good as maternity clothes…but then I bet it would give us license to eat more, drink more, …hmmmm…enjoy life more. What the heck? :o)

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July 2009


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