Do You Have Any Thoughts or Feelings?
My friend Kelly sucks at making decisions. I say this in the most endearing way. I love her to death, but she couldn’t make a decision if her life depended on it. I may or may not mean that in a literal way. I don’t think she’s ever been in a situation where her life depended on her making a decision. But I imagine that if a masked man came up to her in the street and told her that he wanted to know her absolute favorite restaurant, or he’d kill her… she may prefer a quick death over the stressful deliberation of coming up with an answer. She knows this about herself. She’ll say, “Oh no. Please don’t ask me. I can’t decide! Oh please no!” It causes her some emotional turmoil. So she either avoids the issue altogether or she asks someone to decide for her. We all do this to some degree.
We consult people who we think would know better, whether it be your mom, your spouse, your best friend, or Cosmo. My friends Jim and Sarah needed to figure out why their washing machine stopped working. They consulted Roots & Rings and got their answer! Last night I needed to cook a very large amount of chicken breasts. I’ve poached chicken many times before, but never in this quantity. I wasn’t quite sure how it would work. I consulted Google. Google came to my rescue.
Lyndsey always says that she hates it when men don’t have thoughts and feelings. You don’t have to have a thought or feeling about everything, but you must have them about something. As a woman, there is nothing more frustrating than talking to a man and his only reply being “Oh.” But since the majority of you are women, I know you have thoughts and feelings. Look at this picture.
See that tall girl? The one with the ponytail and the terrible flyaways and the shiny face and demon eyes? Yeah, that’s me. I had eaten a burger, chips, had a beer, and played a couple hours of Catch Phrase. That takes a toll on a girl!
Let me introduce you to the others. Go all the way to the right. See the teeny tiny beautiful girl in the gray? That’s Christine. Next is Sarah. She’s the one that was visiting from Germany. She apparently has something she needs to tell me. I think it’s that they decided that they don’t want to buy property in San Antonio since we don’t live there. And let’s face it, life without the Hursts is no life at all. So she wants to tell me that she and her husband have made an offer on a house in our neighborhood. Fantastic news Sarah! Okay, next is me. Then Veronica. Look how cute that shirt is!
Look at Veronica’s hair. Ignore that little piece going across her forehead. That’s not meant to be there. Thank you to the men taking the photo for telling her about it… Come on guys! But look at the rest of her hair. Cute huh? Should I do that? And yes, I know Christine’s hair is super cute too, but I’m not doing that. Her bangs are way too complicated for someone who likes to sleep in. They look amazing on her but she’s not lazy. And Sarah and I have the same ponytailed hair. Only hers is much better because she doesn’t look like she’s just been electrocuted.
I’m getting tired of my plain ponytail. But I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking I want some side swoopy bangs. But do I keep my hair long? Or do I cut it?
I’m a bit nervous when it comes to hair. I used to be of the mentality that “Oh! It grows back!” but then I had a traumatic experience. I grew up going to the same woman. When I was a little girl, I’d go with my mom to the salon. I’d get a trim and then as my mom was getting her hair cut, I’d sweep the floors. I continued going to this woman throughout my life. Even when I was off at college, I’d wait until I was coming home to get my hair cut. But then my world came crashing down. I went in for a trim. I had semi-long hair with a few long layers. Just a trim. Maybe two or three inches please. I came out with bangs. Disgusting bangs that a 5 year old would do to herself while she was going through a curious stage. It was horrible. Awful. Disgusting. I cried. And I never went back to that woman again. That was about 4 years ago. I haven’t found a new person since.
So that’s why I’m coming to you for help. I can’t just go in to my lady and say “You know my hair. You know my style. I trust you.” like I used to. Because, quite honestly, I don’t trust anyone anymore. Well that’s not entirely true. I trust you. So please please please help me. I’m not normally bad at decisions but I just can’t do this by myself.
Share your thoughts and feelings. Puh-lease! And if you live in Houston and have a lady that you SWEAR won’t give me five year old bangs, give me her name. Be careful with your recommendations though because if I come out with something bad, you will be held responsible.