Archive for August 25, 2009

Bless My Heart

I hope you enjoyed your little break from me yesterday. It was nerve-racking to post on someone else’s blog but we came out of it alive. I think there may have been a little confusion. Apparently links on my blog appear to be the same color text as the normal text. So many of you went to my Blogroll to find out how to get to Lauren’s blog. My mom and Stephen both asked me how to get there. So incase you didn’t see the link yesterday, CLICK HERE to read my guest post on Lauren’s blog. For those of you who were able to make it over there, thanks! You sure know how to make a girl feel special! 

Enough about me, let’s move on to the point of today’s post.

Here in Texas, we have our own language. I’m not talking about Texican, I’m just talking about plain ‘ol Texan. Words like yall, fixin’, and dadgumit. To us, this sort of talk is normal. We may say thinks like “he didn’t even have a pot to piss in” and we all know what this means.

I learned a new saying a couple months ago. I was in a little city in south Texas called Alice. It’s a stone’s throw from the border and it’s common to go to the local Wally Martinez (that’s Walmart in other parts of the country) and see men in Wranglers and boots. I was there visiting my family back in May when the sky opened up and it started pouring. My Papa let out a big sigh and said, “It sure is nice to get this rain. The other day we had a real turd floater.” My jaw dropped and my Papa got a little chuckle out of his city-girl granddaughter who hasn’t ever heard of the term “turd floater.” I’ve learned my lesson. It’s now a part of my vocabulary and I’ve committed my life to teaching the masses this great phrase. I’m sure you can use your context clues and figure it out. A turd floater is a really heavy rain… so heavy that all the cow and horse poop floats. Consider yourself educated.

We have this other saying here in Texas. “Bless his heart.” It is an unspoken agreement that all Texans have come to that you can say anything about anyone as long as you preface it with “bless his heart.” For example: You see a woman wearing a shirt that’s a bit too tight and a skirt that’s a tad too short. The old ladies may say, “Now bless her heart, but she sure is dressed like a tramp.” And it’s okay. Or you go to dinner at some friends house and the food is burnt. You may say, “Oh bless her heart, but she can’t cook for the life of her.” And, once again, it’s okay.

With that said… my dear husband, bless his heart, tells some bad jokes.

I love him more than life itself, but sometimes he’ll say something and he’ll immediately have to explain himself. I always tell him that it’s not a funny joke if he has to explain it. But he doesn’t believe me because while I’m standing there staring, he’s laughing his heart out.

Last week I had to go to Hobby Lobby on the way home from work so I dragged him with me. We came in and headed over to the section that I thought was the baking section. We ended up in the wedding section. I must’ve remember seeing cakes there or something. Once I go there I said, “Oops. Wrong spot. Let’s go the other way.” Stephen turns to me with a smile and asks, “Why are we in this aisle? Are you trying to reminisce about a time when you were really important?” He laughed and laughed. I didn’t think it was funny.

Most days, Stephen and I carpool to work. I usually call him as I’m pulling onto his street and he comes out to meet me. Yesterday I went into his office so that he could finish up some work and I could use the restroom. I was sitting at his coworker’s desk waiting. When he was finally done, he stood up to gather his stuff. He had a huge grin on his face. “What?” He grinned bigger, “Oh nothing.” I wasn’t convinced. “What are you smiling about??” He chuckled a bit, “Nothing really. It’s just a really bad joke.”

As much as I hate being left out of a joke, I’m certain that this was probably a good joke to be left out of. I’m quite thankful of his developing ability to hold his tongue when he has a dull joke to tell. I only wish he’d learn to hold his tongue when his jokes are only funny to him. Or at least maybe he could learn to bless my heart before he tells jokes about me!

August 25, 2009 at 9:10 am 18 comments


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