Bless My Heart

August 25, 2009 at 9:10 am 18 comments

I hope you enjoyed your little break from me yesterday. It was nerve-racking to post on someone else’s blog but we came out of it alive. I think there may have been a little confusion. Apparently links on my blog appear to be the same color text as the normal text. So many of you went to my Blogroll to find out how to get to Lauren’s blog. My mom and Stephen both asked me how to get there. So incase you didn’t see the link yesterday, CLICK HERE to read my guest post on Lauren’s blog. For those of you who were able to make it over there, thanks! You sure know how to make a girl feel special! 

Enough about me, let’s move on to the point of today’s post.

Here in Texas, we have our own language. I’m not talking about Texican, I’m just talking about plain ‘ol Texan. Words like yall, fixin’, and dadgumit. To us, this sort of talk is normal. We may say thinks like “he didn’t even have a pot to piss in” and we all know what this means.

I learned a new saying a couple months ago. I was in a little city in south Texas called Alice. It’s a stone’s throw from the border and it’s common to go to the local Wally Martinez (that’s Walmart in other parts of the country) and see men in Wranglers and boots. I was there visiting my family back in May when the sky opened up and it started pouring. My Papa let out a big sigh and said, “It sure is nice to get this rain. The other day we had a real turd floater.” My jaw dropped and my Papa got a little chuckle out of his city-girl granddaughter who hasn’t ever heard of the term “turd floater.” I’ve learned my lesson. It’s now a part of my vocabulary and I’ve committed my life to teaching the masses this great phrase. I’m sure you can use your context clues and figure it out. A turd floater is a really heavy rain… so heavy that all the cow and horse poop floats. Consider yourself educated.

We have this other saying here in Texas. “Bless his heart.” It is an unspoken agreement that all Texans have come to that you can say anything about anyone as long as you preface it with “bless his heart.” For example: You see a woman wearing a shirt that’s a bit too tight and a skirt that’s a tad too short. The old ladies may say, “Now bless her heart, but she sure is dressed like a tramp.” And it’s okay. Or you go to dinner at some friends house and the food is burnt. You may say, “Oh bless her heart, but she can’t cook for the life of her.” And, once again, it’s okay.

With that said… my dear husband, bless his heart, tells some bad jokes.

I love him more than life itself, but sometimes he’ll say something and he’ll immediately have to explain himself. I always tell him that it’s not a funny joke if he has to explain it. But he doesn’t believe me because while I’m standing there staring, he’s laughing his heart out.

Last week I had to go to Hobby Lobby on the way home from work so I dragged him with me. We came in and headed over to the section that I thought was the baking section. We ended up in the wedding section. I must’ve remember seeing cakes there or something. Once I go there I said, “Oops. Wrong spot. Let’s go the other way.” Stephen turns to me with a smile and asks, “Why are we in this aisle? Are you trying to reminisce about a time when you were really important?” He laughed and laughed. I didn’t think it was funny.

Most days, Stephen and I carpool to work. I usually call him as I’m pulling onto his street and he comes out to meet me. Yesterday I went into his office so that he could finish up some work and I could use the restroom. I was sitting at his coworker’s desk waiting. When he was finally done, he stood up to gather his stuff. He had a huge grin on his face. “What?” He grinned bigger, “Oh nothing.” I wasn’t convinced. “What are you smiling about??” He chuckled a bit, “Nothing really. It’s just a really bad joke.”

As much as I hate being left out of a joke, I’m certain that this was probably a good joke to be left out of. I’m quite thankful of his developing ability to hold his tongue when he has a dull joke to tell. I only wish he’d learn to hold his tongue when his jokes are only funny to him. Or at least maybe he could learn to bless my heart before he tells jokes about me!

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Entry filed under: Chelsea, Marriage, Stephen. Tags: , , , , .

Stage Fright. Dating for Life

18 Comments Add your own

  • 1. osarah  |  August 25, 2009 at 9:47 am

    Hah! I am guilty of saying “bless his/her heart” from time to time.

    You know what else I noticed on our last trip home? The phrase “might could.” I may have said that before moving over here, but I hadn’t ever thought twice about it until I heard a woman say it while we were in SA.

  • 2. Debbie  |  August 25, 2009 at 10:09 am

    omg im so guilty. i say bless your/her/his heart a lot. and totally use the turd floater thing, too.

    haha. love it.

  • 3. Ashley  |  August 25, 2009 at 10:30 am

    I’ve never head the “turd floater” thing but even Florida (what most people consider the un-South) is full of “Well bless her (his) heart”!

    I also couldn’t figure out how to get to Lauren’s blog yesterday, I’m glad I’m not the only one…

  • 4. Pippy  |  August 25, 2009 at 10:39 am

    lol that is so true! I am so guilty of ‘bless her heart”!
    I have another rain saying you may not have heard…But I’m not posting it here where people might think that I use it! lol

  • 5. Lindsay  |  August 25, 2009 at 10:45 am

    HAHA! That’s so true. And then after he explains it, and you’re still standing there with a blank look on your face because you STILL don’t get it, he waves you off with his hand as if to say “oh nevermind, you’re too dumb for it anyway.” haha!

  • 6. Erin  |  August 25, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Here in the heartland, “bless his heart” and “God lovit (love it)” are common vernacular. I’d never heard “turd floater” until I married my husband. Until then it was “toad strangler” 🙂

    I’m glad you liked Julie & Julia! I told my mom to see it – not having read either book, I know she’ll love it. I just went into the theatre with the wrong expectations…and a stomach full of gimlet/cabernet/goat cheese. To say I was fighting sleep is an understatement. I’ll give it another try when I can Netflix it in the comfort of my own home.

    Um, and a word of caution: I was really surprised by the profanity and sexual references in the book. I mean, like BLUSHING. So, be prepared. It’s very funny, though!

  • 7. Jessica  |  August 25, 2009 at 11:41 am

    It’s weird, I usually just hear “bless his/her heart” after someone says something mean. Kinda like no offense, except it makes everything okay.

  • 8. Jill  |  August 25, 2009 at 1:03 pm

    I have never heard “turd floater” but I literally laughed out loud! People here in KY definitely use bless your heart, fixin’ to, and another one “use-ta-could”…as in, I use-ta-could fit into a pair of size 2 pants, but not anymore! Bless her heart…hehe

  • 9. Rachel  |  August 25, 2009 at 1:25 pm

    Another teacher and I were talking the other day and decided that: “Bless ___ heart”, “God love ____”, and “Not to be rude but…” were all acceptable ways of beginning a statement that might not be the nicest thing you’ve ever said about a student or teacher… (otherwise known as an insult)

  • 10. Alma  |  August 25, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    Hey Chelsea,

    The 4th paragraph, beginning with “I was in a little city in south Texas called Alice.” to “I’ve learned my lesson.” read like a paragraph from a p-u-b-l-i-s-h-e-d novel (western fiction, etc.).

    Very creative and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I wanted more from this character and her “Papa” : )

  • 11. Lyndsey  |  August 25, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    I concur Lindsay! It is like the conversation with Pheobe 😉 when Ross tells Rachel… “The word you’re looking for is aaannnnyyyywwaayy.”

  • 12. DebbieQ  |  August 25, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    Oh my word, I am going to have to use “turd floater” some time soon. My dad is going to love that one.

  • 13. mom  |  August 25, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    I was there when he said that to you and I will NEVER forget the look on your face and the chuckle in his voice! – that was so cottonpickin’ funny! 🙂

  • 14. smile steady  |  August 25, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    Up in Oklahoma, “Bless her heart” stands alone and is used to refer to someone who maybe isn’t playing with a full set of marbles. Think, “Susan, bless her heart, just isn’t quite right;” but change it to “There’s Susan. Bless her heart.”

    And for the college football record- I’ll hook ’em until they come play my team. Texas is my number 2. I think it stems from my hatred of OU!

  • 15. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life  |  August 25, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    My hubby has a headfull of bad jokes, too. Only thing is…I usually laugh pretty hard at them anyway. I KNOW how bad they are, but I still think they’re funny. Effectively, I KNOW I have a lame sense of humor. And in that case, it’s easier to laugh than cry 🙂

  • 16. Kitty  |  August 26, 2009 at 4:11 am

    Wedding aisle joke? So not funny Mr. (Bless your heart though.) 🙂

  • 17. Mandy  |  August 26, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    Guilty as charged… I must say “Bless her/his heart” at least three times a week. But, I think my favorite Texas-ism is “dragging the sack”…its a southern police term. For example: when police walk into a donut shop and walk out with free donuts and coffee, then later they go to McDonalds and get a free big mac…thats called “dragging the sack”…my dad and brother say it all the time, love it

  • 18. Kelly  |  August 26, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    lol… I’m 100% Texas and say “bless his heart” all the time!

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