Radio Silence

September 2, 2009 at 9:20 am 15 comments

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post called Not On Our Side (you can click that if you want to go back and read it). I’m not here to get into a discussion about our insurance policy. I’m avoiding that until October and then I’ll deal with it. If you remember, I also told you about how two of my best girlfriends were currently having “text drama.” I told you that I think that guys who only text girls are weak. The three of us discussed technology- is it ruining our lives or enhancing it?

After that weekend, my friend Lyndsey went on radio silence. No text or facebook. If you wanted to speak to her, you had to call her. She stayed on radio silence for a week. Curious about the outcome? I thought you would be. Lyndsey emailed me a review of her week and was kind enough to share the email with you. Enjoy! And please… let us know your thoughts and feelings.

(On a side note, does anyone who uses WordPress know how to text wrap a photo?? I can’t figure it out and I’m about 5 seconds away from throwing my freaking computer out the non-existent window in my office. This was SUPPOSED to look all cute and like an article with her photo embedded in the text. But noooo.)

lyndsey

Radio Silence
by Lyndsey

The point of the experiment was to test your theory that technology is the demise of real relationships. I already knew that you were right, and I knew what the outcome would be. But I wanted to prove it to myself… so that in a couple of months when I am in a fun technology based relationship I will have no ground to stand on with my lame attempts at self-deception.

The only sane insight I got was that you are right. Text relationships are not relationships at all. I know that this should not be a shocking revelation, and it wasn’t.  The ironic (incredibly sad) part is that without text and facebook I felt really alone. That part did shock me. I think that the superficial tech based relationships make us feel connected. Even if it isn’t reality. (And let’s be realistic here… I rely on those relationships just as much as everyone else because I am so terrible at staying connected to people)

I haven’t spoken to “the child” in over a week and it made me sad. He texted me 3 or 4 times with no response and so I just called him. He called back, but we didn’t talk. Then it was over. And yes…. I know that it wasn’t going anywhere and I only wanted it because it was going nowhere (we will deal with my emotional problems in a different email). But it was fun for what it was and I didn’t want it to be over.

“Loud Talker” called once. Then…nothing. So, the only thing a girl can take away from that is “he is just not that into me.” Obviously this is not a tragedy since I am not that into him either. But the fact that going on one week of radio silence made me lose 2 quasi pseudo relationships is just plain SAD!

The hardest part was not texting you and my parents. This again proved your point. A relationship that already has a foundation is improved by technology and a relationship with no foundation crumbles without it. This experiment was eye opening and successful, but I doubt my conclusions will really change my behavior. I think I will still be obsessed with social networking. The only thing I learned is that a romantic relationship cannot be built on technology, and that I should actually be offended that I am not worth picking up the phone for. I want to kick dating old school…. Several coffees, a brunch, a couple of lunches, a dinner and then a first kiss… almost killing yourself flying across your apartment to answer a ringing phone… and asking your friend to call you to make sure it’s working when it doesn’t ring. But in order to meet someone that I am into that is into me… I would have to stop cyber stalking and texting and go out! 

Entry filed under: Blogging, Chelsea. Tags: , , .

I Think We Need A Do-Over Not So Bad for a Lazy Girl

15 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lindsay  |  September 2, 2009 at 9:55 am

    It REALLY helps if the guy you want to date doesn’t have text messaging. Then he has to call.

    …It worked for me! haha!

  • 2. Caroline  |  September 2, 2009 at 10:17 am

    I don’t think I could do this. I hate talking on the phone, but it is nice when a guy calls. The best tests are in “He’s Just Not That Into You”.

  • 3. Sarah  |  September 2, 2009 at 10:28 am

    I think texting/Facebook/etc. has its place in the world. However, its job is not to maintain relationships for you. I am totally guilty of doing too much texting/Facebooking…maybe I will try to go to “radio silence” as well.

  • 4. Erin  |  September 2, 2009 at 12:38 pm

    I totally agree. If you aleady HAVE a solid relationship, then texting and FB will enhance it…if not, you’re wasting your time. My sister and I adore texting/FB because it allows us to just relay that 1 piece of information we need without talking for an hour and a half, which is what happens when we call. As I have a job and she has a 2 year-old, this is much more practical!

    We had no texting when I met my Hubs in the dark ages of the summer of 2000. I’m shocked to hear that this is how people create & maintain relationsips!

  • 5. Mandy L  |  September 2, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    I don’t get how people will start social networking for the sole purpose of starting relationships anyway. So much can be misinterpreted when you’re only reading text. You miss facial expressions, tone and attitude, which communicate a lot. Someone said, not too long ago, that Americans are forgetting/losing the art of face-to-face communication because of social networking. To an extent, I agree. Unfortunately, I’m much better at expressing myself in written form than verbally, and I’ve always been shy. In some weird and twisted way, social networking has probably helped me to “come out of my shell” a little, but I can think of more cons than pros in most of my social networking experiences.

  • 6. Darla  |  September 2, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    It gets worse … my daughter send me texts from her bedroom. At first I thought it was kind of cute … until I realized it was substituting for her coming out and talking to me face to face! I think I’ll mention radio silence to her. 🙂

  • 7. This Heavenly Life  |  September 2, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    I guess I’m behind the times. Do people really *begin* relationships this way? I can’t imagine…but then again, I’m OOOOOLD.

    I think one of her statements rings so true: technology can benefit existing relationships, but not build new ones. There has to be a foundation. (Unless we’re talking internet dating, which seems to be in a league of its own.)

  • 8. Rachel  |  September 2, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    As someone who lives an hour and a half from her closest relative and 20 minutes from her closest friend (the next is a good 5 hours away)… technology is my lifeline. I would probably go insane without it. Going Saturday and Sunday without my daily dose of Chelsea is hard enough…

  • 9. Candi  |  September 2, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    I couldn’t agree more…I like it when a guy calls to ask me out. A sweet text message is nice too, though.🙂

  • 10. The Husband  |  September 2, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    I’m only guilty of this with Chelsea, and I’m glad. We started really getting to know each other over facebook and AIM.

    The difference…it started with a wall post, within a day turned into long personal messages, and after two days we were talking on AIM for hours at a time until I asked for a phone number.

    …3 days is all it took, and we had met first, but I wanted to get to know her better, and luckily we had facebook so I could look over what I said before makkng a fool of myself with my unfiltered words. All in all, it’s the intentions behind the technology, and as long as the guy makes it well aware to the girl he’s texting that he wants more than just a text response in the end, then it’s ok.

    But yeah, most guys are jerks and sad from what I’m finding out, so girls, make sure you know what their intentions are first. Radio silence pulls this out very quickly.

  • 11. Mandy  |  September 3, 2009 at 1:54 am

    I tried my own form of radio silence a couple years ago. I just got completely fed up with the idea of people getting upset with me if I didnt answer the phone right away. Or if they sent a text…they would text every to minutes until I texted back. I mean, people do have to shower sometimes! lol When I got my blackberry, my boss expected to be on my email constantly. So, I did the only reasonable thing, I gave up my phone for lent. I l would keep it with me for emergencies, but it was always off. So, no one could call me…but I could call them, in an emergency.Essentially, everyone had to give me up for lent.

    I handled it quite well. I loved it. I checked my email once a day from work…and that was the only technology I allowed myself. I made it an entire four weeks. I had to give in in the end because, get this…my family begged me. They said they couldnt handle it anymore, lol.

    In the end, I realised that its a great way to sustain an already grounded relationship. But I found that all the people I met randomly at political events, etc….that were now facebook friends, I never missed them, and they never missed me. So, maybe thats something to think about.

    Maybe I should do this again sometime?

  • 12. Tom  |  September 3, 2009 at 7:13 am

    How much a guy is “into you” largely depends on you and what kind of signals you are putting out. It sounds like you had your conclusions on the experiment before it was even over. 6 dates (and 2/3 of them in the day) before a first kiss I think most guys would get the impression they are stuck in the friend zone or have already moved on to someone else

  • 13. Me  |  September 3, 2009 at 8:31 am

    In case you haven’t figured it out yet, to text wrap a picture, when you are adding it there should be a section called “Alignment.” If you choose “none,” the default, the text won’t wrap. But you can also choose “left,” “center,” or “right,” and the text should wrap.

  • 14. Lyndsey  |  September 3, 2009 at 8:37 am

    Is it awkward to comment on something you wrote?

    Let me start by clearing on thing up. I did not do an experiment to post on Chelsea’s blog. I had a conversation with my girlfriends that led me to question some self deception I had been engaging in. I KNEW the outcome because I have been in these situations before. I could have easily let these “relationships” (but let’s be honest these were more like flirtations) continue until the inevitably fizzled because of lack of energy or effort on the part of both parties.

    Secondly, this was an email to my best friend about boys… please do not take the chronology of my hypothetical dating scenario so seriously. Honestly, I was being silly… that is why I started it with “I want to kick dating old school…” I was reffering to the 50s when my FATHER was dating.

    The serious question I continue to ask is… How much do I value myself? What standard am I willing to hold a man to? Because bottom line… I will only be as valued by others as much as I value myself.

  • 15. pam  |  September 3, 2009 at 8:57 am

    i love the reflective style you wrote with and the honesty that you portraided in yourself…that too, is not something many of us are willing to do these days. i also could really picture the days…the late 60 and early 70 for me..when we did fly across the room, usually bumping a toe or starting a fight with another sibling to get to the phone first…you certainly did not know who was on the phone…there was only one phone in the home…and every girl in the house (mine had 4) had the hope in her heart and the dreamy look in her eyes that her guy was calling her….thanks for the memories, lyndsey and hang in there for the prince…he is worth the wait and he is out there…ready to pick up the phone at the exact right moment…when you least expect it. love the picture too…

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