Loser Week 1: Jillian Needs to Wash Her #$*@% Mouth Out With Soap

Oh dear, it’s 9:55 pm and I’m just now starting the DVR. I had a meeting tonight that went until about 8:40 and then Stephen and I have spent the last hour discussing the state of the church. Not a topic to discuss quickly or while some parties are wanting to watch Biggest Loser. But none of that matters to you because I don’t post this until the morning anyways.

We began with all of the contestants on a bus and we heard some of their stories. They pulled to the side of the road and met Alison and they were all so excited. I felt sorry for them a little bit. Why are you so excited? Haven’t you seen this show? Don’t you know that you are minutes away from sweat and vomit? So the first challenge began. But not without the first surprise. Daniel from last season’s orange team showed up. We at home already knew this. I was really hoping that Mike’s brother was going to show up but the head honchos at NBC apparently didn’t think that would be so cool. Anyways. The first challenge, they had to run (or walk) a mile. Whoever crossed the finish line first got immunity and got to pick their partner. It was a rough challenge for most of these contestants. Dan won, of course. But in an unplanned shocking start that probably made the producer’s giddy, two people had to go to the hospital. Never a dull moment!

So then they head back to the ranch for some quality meet and greet time. You know, a little story time. “My name is (insert name). My (insert family member) let me down by (insert circumstance). And now I’m (insert number) pounds.” After story time, they paired up into teams and weighed in. Goodness gracious, there are some large folk this season. Which is to be expected, Biggest Loser always outdoes itself. And of course my heart breaks for these people, also to be expected.

The first workout is always my favorite. Between the first workout and the last chance workout, there were gallons of vomit spewed. Thunderstorms of tears were shed. They screamed and cried and fell and Shay walked out. And Jillian cussed. A lot. She channelled her inner sailor and let the f-words fly. It was terribly offensive to someone like me who’s mouth is Zestfully clean. But I fear that this is a preview of what’s to come. Ladies and gents, this is hardly a family show anymore.

It’s really too soon for you to get all of my sarcastic and opinionated thoughts. Too many contestants and not enough time for me to judge them. I will say this though. I think I’m going to like the orange team and the red team. And the green team. And maybe the gray team. Ugh, what do I know. One could turn into Helen or Joelle in an instant. I’m sure I’ll have much more entertaining comments next week.

The weigh-in was fantastic. I always love the first weigh-in because the contestants lose more weight than they’ve ever lost. You see a glimmer of hope in their eyes. I’d probably have shed a few tears throughout the episode if it weren’t for the comments from the peanut gallery, otherwise known as Stephen and my dad.

The black team was below the yellow line. Alexandra was snooty about it and didn’t act like a very good teammate. Julio probably didn’t work as hard as most of the other contestants this week, as made evident by his 13 pound weight loss. But there is something about him that makes you want him succeed. Thankfully, four of the seven teams agreed with me and voted Alexandra to go home. Tears and hugs all around. The have no idea how hard this is going to get…