Loser 8.02: My Waterbed is Filled With Soda

What a week, what a week! Good gosh I love this show.

Let me start with a couple housekeeping matters. First if you notice the title, it’s a different format than normal. I realized that “Loser Week ___” will be repeated each season. So the title includes the season. Plus, adding a “.” makes things cooler, don’t you think? Second, in case you aren’t used to my Loser posts, just know that they are long. All my posts are long, I know. But I have a word limit goal on my normal posts. I don’t make goals for Loser posts.

Back to the beginning. In the elimination room Alison told the remaining contestants that there was a new challenge this week. If they could lose 150 pounds as a group, nobody would have to go home. But if they didn’t, they’d have to send home 2 people. Bum bum bum… and the plot thickens. People (read: Shay) are immediately concerned that Julio isn’t going to pull his weight (pun definitely intended). And Coach Mo sits everyone down and gives them a good talkin’ to. You know, since he’s “the eldest.” Wow, that’ll get annoying! Dude, I don’t care if you’re the oldest or think you’re a good coach. (Said in whiney voice…) You’re not the boss of them!!

We see very quickly that this could come back to bite Coach Mo. We have a lot of personality around here. A lot of leaders. When they all gathered in the gym, about 75 people tried to tell Bob and Jillian about the 150 pound challenge. They looked like idiots. But the drama was not lost. Jillian put her hand on her hand like she’d just heard a great tragedy. Oh Jillian, chill the *%&$# out.

(Speaking of $*&#@, they cleaned up the language this week. They only cussed three times… if you consider “ass” a cuss word. Which, for the record, I do. If a kid shouldn’t be saying it, it’s a cuss word. But good for them. I know a lot of people are thrilled with that decision.)

This was the first week that we saw a glimpse into their classes. I was pleased to see that. That pleasure was immediately torn from me when Jillian took two contestants into the kitchen to do a quick Ziplock commercial. And OMG the Ziplock bag STANDS! (Visible eye roll.)

Tracey, or as my blog friend Amber calls her, “girl that crawled in sand,” is back. She’s cute as a button. (Can I say that about someone three times my size? I think so… She is cute!) She joined the rest of the crew on a trip to some fancy place that I forgot because I didn’t write it down. And they were met by Alison and chef Curtis Stone. (Side note: last year Curtis Stone came on the show and I had no clue who he was. A few of you gave me grief for not knowing him. It’s been months and months since he was on the season 7 episode and I haven’t seen his face since then. And I’m no stranger to food related television or magazines. So shut up people. It was better when Rocco was on.) Moving on. Curtis gave them some nutrition lessons and Alison gave them a quiz. If they could answer 5 of 8 questions correct, they’d get 15 pounds knocked off their 150 pound goal. They did it.

Now onto the real challenge. Picture if you will, a baseball diamond. Only not. Instead of bases there are 3 big platforms. And instead of baselines there are balance beams. And instead of grass and dirt there is water. So the contestants have to walk across the balance beam to the first platform, etc, etc, etc. The twist (there’s always a twist) is that the balance beams get skinnier each time. Also, you have to go as an entire group. Once the entire group in on the balance beam, they can file on to the platform. Once they are all on the platform, they can start on the next balance beam. And so on. Each platform won a prize. By the end, they’d won 20 extra pounds toward their goal and calls from home.

Oh dear, there were lots of tears during those calls. (This is where Stephen did what probably all male viewers did, “Ugh. Another crier.” And this is when I released the wrath of Chelsea and spit flames at him and told him that if he wanted to watch MY show with ME, he needed to shut his mouth. He did. Thank you babe!) These contestants are emotionally and physically worn out. The second they hear the family’s voice, they cry. It was especially touching to hear Sean talk to his pregnant wife who had just learned the sex of their baby.

Last chance workout was awesome. No vomit. No gallons of tears, only a couple quarts. I really like Shay… minus her intense beef with Julio. Shay, please don’t start drama. I can see you being one of those types. Hopefully Daniel will keep you sane. And also, let me just say that Rudy is a beast. BEAST. He lost 28 pounds last week and he lost 14 pounds this week. A-freakin-mazing. Watching him pull Jillian and Bob on the rope was impressive. I’m excited to see how he’s going to look in a couple months.

Finally on to the weigh-in. Alison looked smokin’ hot in her red dress. (By the way, what were they ever thinking by having Caroline Rhea host the show?? Mark that down on the list of ridiculous things Biggest Loser has done. Right next to all things Joelle.) They needed to lose 115 pounds as a group. The pink team starts them off by losing 4 and 6 pounds. Not good. Not good at all. Thankfully, all the other teams were able to pull big numbers and even surpass the 150 goal. Fantastic. Shay lost like 18 pounds. Julio lost something like 19. I was impressed.

Should be a sad week three. Thoughts or feelings?