Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut

November 5, 2009 at 9:57 am 19 comments

We’re a human. Which means we are selfish. Which means that we pretty much think that people care about us a lot more than they actually do. I don’t mean that the people you think love you, don’t actually love you. No. What I mean is that nobody cares if you have a stain on your shirt or your hair looks a bit funny or you tripped on the carpet at work. People rarely even notice because 1) they are too concerned with themselves or 2) it really isn’t a big deal.

I don’t know that I can think of my “most embarrassing moment.” I get embarrassed fairly easily, but it’s not on a very deep level. But I recently had two experiences that left me with cheeks so blush that you could mistake me for Kate Gosselin. Unfortunately, nobody was around to share these moments with me. I’m not sure why, but sometimes it is easier to endure the embarrassment if someone is there to laugh with you.

I stayed at Lauren’s house on Saturday night. After a Sunday morning of kolaches and cinnamon rolls, I finally gathered my things to make the long trek home. She walked me out to my car. I looked down and saw an egg-shell. “Oh gosh. An egg.” My first thought was that it was from a nest. But .52 seconds later I realized that trees don’t grow on the street so there was obviously no nest above it and then .78 seconds later I remembered that the previous night was Halloween. I looked up, my car had been egged. Egged. And apparently nobody told Texas that it was November because it was probably in the 80’s on Sunday. So I had nice fried eggs sizzling down the sides of my beautiful Murano. It may have been appetizing if they’d left some bacon strips on the hood and I hadn’t already consumed 2500 calories for breakfast.

I cursed the pre-teen hoodlums that did this and got in my car and drove off. I needed to find a gas station with a car wash… stat. Problem is that not every gas station has a car wash, and there is really no way to know from a glance. So I’d exit the freeway, drive up to a gas station, drive around, and leave. Repeat repeat repeat. All the while being embarrassed that I had a Grand Slam on my car door. I wanted to put a sign on my window that said, “Stop staring or I’ll throw an egg at you.” Or maybe just a nice “Meals on Wheels” sign. But the truth is that I doubt many people noticed. And those who did, probably just laughed a bit and forgot about it two seconds later.

Last week I had an even more embarrassing incident. Only this time there was nobody to witness. Last Thursday after work I went to the bank because we get paid on Thursdays and we still don’t have direct deposit even though it’s 2009. I pulled up in the drive through and rolled down my window to grab the tube. I usually have to unbuckle my seatbelt in order to lean enough to reach it. However I was feeling particularly lazy that day and I didn’t want to be bothered with that. I leaned as much as I could and grabbed it with the tips of my fingers. They held the tube for long enough for me to get excited about my successful seatbelted reach, and then they let go. They dropped the tube. On the ground. Outside. In a drive through lane.

“Are you freaking kidding me???”

I cracked my door open and scooted myself out, trying desperately to not scratch my car door on the cement pole right next to me. I leaned down to look under my car. Thursday was a very windy day in Houston. Think Hurricane Ike – minus the high tide and rain and stinky refrigerators. The tube had rolled under my car to the end of the lane. I walked around my car, praying that the tellers wouldn’t look at the cameras and see me running around. I grabbed the tube and ran back. I sucked my cheesecake gut in as much as I could and slid back into my car. I was so embarrassed. I kept thinking that nobody would believe me. Nobody would think that somebody could actually lose the bank tube and make it roll around the parking lot. That would be as ridiculous as someone missing the basket at the toll booth. WHO WOULD EVER DO THAT?!!?

I believe I had every right to be embarrassed though. It was dumb. I looked like an idiot.

But my husband. He does not. He’s quite self-conscious about his face right now… as I assume most of us would be. He’s been hesitant to let anyone come to our house to see him with blood and stitches hanging out of his nose. The count is now up to 5. Me (no choice on that one!), my mom (who was forced to bring him liquid food while I was at work on Monday), Lucy (our chiropractor friend), and his parents (who birthed and raised him so they have the right to see his face any time they want). When Lucy came over on Tuesday night he put his hand over his nose. I told him that it would be ridiculous to cover his nose the entire time she was here. Plus he really doesn’t look that bad.

You guys have been so supportive and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your thoughts and (more specifically) your prayers. So I feel like I need to keep you in the loop. However, I won’t be posting any photos that make him uncomfortable. Monday… was bad. When I came home from work he looked bad. His face was swollen like he’d been stung by a swarm of bees. He had huge lumps in his thighs from where he hit the handlebars. He didn’t look good. He didn’t sound good. He didn’t feel good. But he has improved significantly since then. He REALLY doesn’t look very bad. Yes he has bloody stitches along his nose, but it’s not that gross. At least he has a nose! (By the way, incase I haven’t mentioned this, his nose was detached at the bottom. Hence the two rows of internal stitches and 8 external stitches.) Plus, he has a few days of facial hair and that really helps mask it.

Here are a few photos that have been seen and approved by Evel Knievel himself. That’s Lucy doing some kinesio tape treatment on him. (You can click on any of the photos to make them bigger.)

 stephen and lucy

She put kinesio tape on his lumpy bruises. Something about it draining or something. None of us are really sure how it works, we just care that it does work.


She taped his nose too. Here he is, obeying doctor’s orders and keeping his neck iced.

stephen with ice

If you remember the pictures from Monday, you can tell he looks pretty good! Hopefully we’ll get to see an ENT in a few days and see if his nose was put back on correctly. If you know him, you know that his healthy nose looks a lot different from what the photos show. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s still so swollen or if he really did change the shape of his nose. We shall see!

So yes, sometimes you feel like a nut… but sometimes you really shouldn’t.

Entry filed under: Chelsea, Stephen. Tags: , , , , .

Loser 8.08: Rudy Has Banana Hands Seven Quick Takes (vol.14)

19 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Rachel  |  November 5, 2009 at 10:18 am

    It’s hard to imagine itty bitty, cute Lucy doing the things my chiropractor has to do to me to get me to adjust.

  • 2. Lindsay  |  November 5, 2009 at 11:11 am

    Coming from our family, I’m surprised that you still get embarrassed at all. I used to, when I was like 7 but I’m totally over it now. If anyone ever tries to embarrass me, I just tell them “Stop wasting your time, once my brother laid on the horn of our old blue suburban the whole time I was walking towards it when he picked me up after a movie….in front of 200 kids my age” it didn’t embarrass me one bit.

  • 3. Molly  |  November 5, 2009 at 11:34 am

    He really does look so much better but he just looks so sad. 😦 Tell him to cheer up. Oh no, tell him that I HOPE that he cheers up. He’ll understand the difference.

  • 4. Ginger  |  November 5, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    Picture 1: He looks perfectly normal!
    Picture 2: The kinesio tape makes it look like he has sunburned marks on his legs.
    Picture 3: He looks like a tough boxer type after a match!

    Real bruises suck. People get bruises all the time and don’t really think much of them, but that’s because they have never had REAL bruises. I slid down my boyfriend’s stairs on my hip once and I had striations from every stair I hit on the way down. It swelled out about two inches and took weeks to get back to normal.

    My point is, I totally understand the tape on the thighs. His nose looks great, even if it is swollen. I’m sure he’ll make a full, great recovery.

  • 5. Samantha  |  November 5, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    Stephen is looking a whole lot better, but you can tell by his facial expressions that he’s still in a lot of pain! I hope he continues to have a good recovery.

    The egg thing made me laugh a little, but I would be so upset if someone did that to my car!

  • 6. Sarah @ This Heavenly Life  |  November 5, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    I have to admit, I’d probably be embarrassed about this too — but uneccessarily so, for sure. Poor guy. I really hope he feels better soon 🙂

  • 7. Caroline  |  November 5, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    I do things all of the time like that. And random things always happen to me. I also attract the crazy people. Nice.

    I am glad Stephen is much better.

  • 8. jill  |  November 5, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Poor Stephen, he just looks like he feels terrible. His nose really doesn’t look that bad, but I’m sure he’s just wishing everything would be fixed asap.

    I do things to embarrass myself all the time. You’d think I would get over it with as clumsy as I am…but nah.

  • 9. Sarah  |  November 5, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    He’s looking a lot better than the original pictures!

    My car got egged once in college. Gross.

  • 10. Lauren From Texas  |  November 5, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    Esteban! 😦 I am so sorry. Let us know if there is anything we can do… you know, from 1.25 hours away. Suck.

  • 11. Emily  |  November 5, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    The first part of this post had me laughing out loud. I can totally relate!

    And then…your poor husband! But I thought you were going to say the first picture was taken earlier, sort of like a “before” shot. In that one, I couldn’t tell anything had happened. I’m glad he’s feeling better though. What an ordeal!

  • 12. Maureen (MIL)  |  November 5, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    On the way to your house last night, I was preparing myself for the worst, and he actually didn’t look bad at all! Swollen, yes, but not at all what I thought. Thank God he is OK. Poor guy.

  • 13. James Ivey Carter  |  November 5, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    Your first sentence shocked me, as it was a pretty serious metaphysical paradox. How can we all be ONE human? What are you trying to say? What are the ramifications of such an unorthodox theory?

    Also, I think Stephen should keep that picture of him on the couch and use it to convince young Hagen and all his siblings that he was once a famous prize fighter. I’m pretty sure from ages 5-10 he can have them believing he was the basis for the Rocky story.

  • 14. Lindsey  |  November 5, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    Aw your poor hubby!!

  • 15. Ashley  |  November 5, 2009 at 6:29 pm

    I have a fear of dropping the bank tube thing. As a short girl I have to unbuckle and extend all the way out my window… it’s always a site.

    And, I’m glad your hubby is feeling better! And, I’m really glad you explained the taped bruise picture because at first glance I was wondering how the handle bars causes much marks! Sending feel better thoughts his way!

  • 16. Lisa D  |  November 5, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    Oh poor Stephen. I just feel so bad for him. It must be so painful. Poor guy. 😦

    I feel like embarassing things happen to me more often than normal. Doesn’t help that I am a total klutz. So I am constantly falling or tripping, etc. Bad.

  • 17. Darla Baerg  |  November 6, 2009 at 12:48 am

    Loved the bank story…totally sounds like something that would happen to me!

    Hope your husband continues to improve. He is looking better!

  • 18. Kathleen  |  November 6, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    We have a PT who’s been using Kinesio tape on our toddler since she was a baby. Julianna has Down syndrome, and that tape has helped her learn to raise her head, sit up, crawl, stand, unlock her legs, and develop better posture than her mommy, all at different times. Good stuff!

  • 19. Natalie  |  November 8, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    Bah to egging!! I hope your husband gets feeling better.

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