Loser 9.12: Grab a mattress and jump in the tub!
Hey y’all, Lauren From Texas again. Chelsea asked me to fill in this week because she had a meeting. And since she’s growing a human & all, I complied. You don’t mess with the pregnant ladies.
Alright, we’re back. Victoria is all THAT WAS THE WORST THING EVER re: the elimination. Everyone else is cold-hearted, most of all Melissa. “These people are still not in gameplay!” She thinks they should’ve eliminated Sam because they had more of a chance to beat Stephanie. Good reasoning, I suppose, but Sam is a morale booster, which is also important. Who knows what these people are thinking. They have to deal with Jillian for hours a day & they haven’t had ice cream in weeks. It’s not like they’re thinking clearly.
Everyone meets in the gym. Ali says that the first person to lose 2% of their body weight wins immunity. There’s a button, and when you press the button, a siren goes off & you weigh in. You can weigh yourself at any time, but you can only weigh yourself once. If you haven’t met your goal, you don’t get to weigh in again, & you’ve lost your chance at immunity. Only one person can win.
“If you hear a siren like that in Oklahoma, you’ve gotta grab a mattress and jump in the tub because a tornado is comin’!” -Daris
Ali hands out cards that say how much weight they need to lose. Then Bob & Jillian walk in. I LOVE (and by love I mean am annoyed by) how Bob & Jillian act SO surprised when the players tell them what’s up.
Work out time. Jillian starts focusing in on Sunshine, and owwwww. Those jumps look painful. Kind of like the rockstar jumps I just finished (I’m on Day 29 of the Shred, by the way, & could not be happier that it’s almost over!). Bob & Melissa start talking, and Melissa makes it clear she’s all about the game. Bob basically tells her to play the game but also work her tail off. Whatever Bob. There’s no saving her.
Now they’re all gathered together in the living room & the weird doctor with the curly mullet comes in to talk to them about burning fat “the right way.” Now Jillian has everyone on bikes & Sam & Koli are talking about pushing the button. “Not yet, not yet!” Then Sam says he hates yellow lines & wants to rip the yellow line off his shirt. Um, dramatic much?
Now Ashley & Drea are conspiring/whispering. I DO NOT like the cattiness. Ashley, did you learn nothing last week?! Focus on yourself.Work your tail off & you won’t have to worry about immunity or “the game.” That’s my theory anyway. Everyone is debating about when they’re going to push the button.
Uh oh! Victoria pushed the button! Call me cynical, but I just don’t think she’s lost 6 lbs. yet. It’s a very dramatic weigh-in, complete with a commercial break right in the middle. She only lost 3 lbs. Poor thing. I don’t think she’s been there long enough to understand how this all works. Melissa is SO evil. Shut your mouth woman. No one wants to hear you talk.
Cut to Ali wearing the CUTEST dark pink coat & black headband. At the bottom of the swimming pool, there are 1 lb. weights, 100 for each player. They have to go to the bottom of the pool & bring up their weights, 2 at a time. The prize is the Biggest Loser vacation thing at the Biggest Loser resort or whatever. Also, the last person gets a 1 lb. disadvantage.
I love Sunshine. “Look at us. 12 weeks ago we couldn’t have done this. Now we’re athletes. We are swimming, & we look good doing it.”
Sunshine is ahead with Sam right behind. Sunshine wants to finish so she can help her dad. AWW. She finishes first & immediately starts helping her dad. Sam finishes, & asks Koli if he needs help, to which he replies “Help Unc” (meaning O’Neal). The friendships/relationships get me every time; it’s so touching when people are willing to help others instead of playing the game (COUGHMelissaCOUGH). Everyone starts helping everyone else as they finish, but no one helps Melissa. As Sam says, “That sends a clear message as to how the house feels.” Playing the game has its consequences. Learn it, woman.
Whoa, Ali has some serious roots. Get that taken care of, girl! It’s not like you don’t have people to do that for you.
Sam & Koli are talking about when they should push the button, & are determined to do it before Melissa. There’s a weird hidden camera & Melissa is reading a book or something & Sam & Koli are sneaking in a late night workout. Melissa plans to get up at 3am & 6am to work out. YUCKKKK. OK, everyone is eating breakfast… and someone hits the button. It’s Sam! Melissa is clearly pissed.
Here goes the scale. OMG. HE LOST NOT 6, NOT 7, BUT 10 POUNDS! Way to go Sam!
Melissa: “Should’ve been me.” Ooooof course it should have.
Jennie O commercial as Bob & Jillian play dumb again. They “fill them in” on Victoria & Sam’s button escapades & the pool game. Melissa is clearly pissed about her 1 lb. disadvantage. Bob: “This is what happens when you play the game.”
Bob corners Victoria & gives her a Fiber One commercial.
Last chance workout. I think I need a snack. Bob zeros in on Koli, Jillian on Daris. Speaking of Daris, when is makeover week? Because dude, I love ya, but the hair has GOT TO GO. Jillian takes Sunshine aside & starts doing her psychology voodoo on her. Jillian thinks Sunshine is overweight because she wants to be like her dad. “They can live a parallel life, they don’t have to be fused. She needs to stand on her own two feet.” I like that. Jillian, sometimes I really like you. And then, those other times, like every day for the last month, I kind of want to punch you. But that’s a different story.
Sunshine & her dad start talking. They’re crying, I’m crying, it’s sort of a waterworks. She’s basically telling him she can stand next to him instead of under him. She says “For the first time I see that I am beautiful. For the first time I can stand alone.” Her dad says “I wasn’t going to let you go until you knew that.”
EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.
OK, that was very touching. On to the weigh-in.
Ali looks FABULOUS in a deep purple dress, ponytail, & dangling earrings. LOVE IT. Also her eye makeup is kind of to die for.
The weight loss is as follows:
Koli: -5 (Doesn’t look good for him, but we’ll see.)
Daris: -4 (Yikes! Whoa. Then he yells. I’d be worried too.)
Michael: -9 (Good for him! He also needs a haircut. Um. Then he flexes, asks Ali to touch his bicep, stops her, & says “didn’t your mom tell you not to play with guns?” CHEESE CITY.)
Ashley: -7 (Yeah girl! Pretty good. I hope this inspires her to cut the crap & work harder. She’s totally a cutie though.)
Sunshine: -7 (She looks SO good! I really like her.)
O’Neal: -8 (Wow! I’m glad he’s safe.)
Victoria: -11 (WHOA! Yeah girl! I’m proud of her. She really needs/wants to be there.)
Drea: -2 (She immediately gets panicked & starts crying. I do feel bad for her.)
Melissa: -3 (I LOVE Ali. “Just so you know the 1 lb. disadvantage didn’t matter, you still would’ve gone below the yellow line.”)
Drea asks Melissa to leave & gives a very touching “please don’t vote me off” speech. I’m betting they vote Melissa off. Just a hunch, but I think a lot of them like Drea, and oh, I don’t know, Melissa is PURE EVIL. Did she just say she’s a lawyer? She doesn’t mean literally, right? Now she is telling them she is their fairy godmother. She’s always going to be in the bottom 2 & week by week they can pick off whoever is down there with her. Uhh? I mean, I know that’s “playing the game,” but she just sounds like such a witch when she says it.
Elimination Room. Koli votes for Melissa. O’Neal votes for Melissa. Daris votes for Melissa. (I am loving what they are all saying, basically that they don’t want to play the game & they want to earn it by their own merit. Good for them!) Michael votes for Melissa. Victoria votes for Melissa. SHE GONE! No one stands up to hug her or tell her goodbye. Wow.
Then she & Lance run a half marathon on her 40th birthday (OK, that is pretty inspiring). Good for them. Now maybe she can quit being so evil.
Alright, that’s it! Hopefully Chelsea will be back next week because this is exhausting! I don’t know how she does it. Time for a popsicle.