Loser 9.13: With A Big ‘Ol Afro On His Head

Hi, my name is Chelsea and I write Biggest Loser recaps. You may not know that about me because I’ve been MIA the past two Wednesdays, but I’m back. With my very own version of a recap… as Lauren calls it, my little episode of Chelsea Hurstly.

Off to a quick start. Alison immediately grabs the contestants from breakfast for a Change Themed pop challenge. The contestants will be holding a tray and balancing quarters. Each quarter is worth $10 and the winner keeps the money. This clearly has nothing to do with weight loss so we will have a very not-so-smooth transition to Suze Orman. By the end of this challenge, the contestants are seriously sweating and shaking. Mike and Sunshine are battling to the end. Mike ended up winning $1000 which they doubled because he gave 100%. They gave Sunshine $1000 because she also gave 100%.

They went to the living room and met Suze Orman , the original carrier of the Kate Gosslin hair-do. She talked about how… actually I don’t know… I was eating Easy Mac and forgot to listen. Last seasons’s Danny came to talk to them. Boy howdy, that man is good looking!! They chatted a bit and projected Sunshine to win the game.

Danny joined the group for a work out. I LOVED seeing Danny’s face in the background when Bob was giving Daris a pep talk. It looked like he was going to pass out. Koli and Sunshine worked out together and talked a bit of smack. “I didn’t know they did that for the at home winner.” Ha, Sunshine. You made me laugh. Victoria had a bit of a breakdown. She’s behind everyone else and is having a hard time adjusting. Jillian yelled at her a lot and then tried to have a shrink-session. It didn’t help. Victoria didn’t have any ah-ha moments. It’ll come eventually, it has to.

Sam and Victoria have a chat about figuring out the mental part of this. You cannot lose weight and keep it off without knowing why it was there in the first place. THIS IS A HUGE LESSON.

It’s raining and Ali looked so cute in her red jacket, cute hat, pigtails, and Burberry umbrella. ALI, how do you do that??? Granted you have hair and make up people… but I’m certain that no amount of hair and make up people could make me that cute all the time. Not all of us can be Alison Sweeney or Lauren From Texas (<– that’s a link).

There’s a challenge and two people will win a Mazda 3. They have to run out in the rain and mud and grab a key from the string of a giant balloon (can’t make this stuff up) and run back to test it. Repeat repeat. There are 150 keys out there, only 2 work. They are getting in the car while they are sweaty, muddy, rainy, and nasty. That’s gross. Although they aren’t actually wet when they get in the car from the view of the car camera. What is going on with this weird trickery??? Andrea won the first car! Yay for her! I’d be happy for anyone right now. Although I’m sort of tired of the “I love Sunshine more than life itself” crap. You love your daughter, I get it. But I don’t need to hear about it all the time. Anyways, maybe Daris will get the other, I love him. 40 keys left, 30 keys left…. and then O’Neal wins it…. naturally. So of course that means it belongs to Sunshine.

Ugh.

On to the workout. Andrea and Bob have a chat. Lots of mention of being deserving love and touching and hugs… which means approximately 17,000 people will google things like “Is Andrea dating someone?” “Andrea and Koli” “Andrea and Daris” “Andrea and Mike” “Andrea and who the heck?” Victoria had to run sprints again. She had to run 5 springs with each contestant. She whined her way through it but man alive, she may have killed with weight loss this week! I love that Andrea said, “Pick your head up, finish with pride!” Jillian tried again to get her to break down. She’s started. There were a few tears and even a mention of being “not goo enough” – which is usually where it starts.

Work out in the mud. I remember seeing pictures of this on Bob and Jillian’s twitter. Lots and lots of mud. Rubbed in Jillian’s hair. Loved it.

Last chance workout. Jillian beat up on Sunshine, Koli, and Sam. They didn’t care or complain at all. That’s what makes them winners. “BOB! I just jogged a whole mile and didn’t slow down at all!! I’VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!” Mike is hilarious. Bob replies, “Good! Do it again.” So he does. With a smile on his face. And then he kept going to 3.1, he did a 5K. So Bob told him to keep going, he needed to get to 5 miles. Totally impressed y’all. I can’t run a mile. (Even pre-pregnancy, sadly.) Mike has really come a long way. HE is why I love this show! It just gives me happy feelings inside!

Weigh In Time! Alison is in a brown dress that is not my favorite.

Sunshine – 3  – 1.54% Not good, not good at all.
Koli – 6 – 2.17%
Daris – 7 – 3.00% Whoo hoo! Yay Daris!
Mike – 9 – 2.42% Fantabulous change! But EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Hair in a ponytail! EWWW.
Ashley – 6 – 2.27% Good for her, stop showing Sunshine.
Victoria – 5 – 1.84% Good, not great. Not enough to be safe.
O’Neal – 5 – 1.77% At some point, dude, you need to wish good things for yourself. You can’t always be your daughter’s hero.
Andrea – 3 – 1.33% Super suck. I feel awful for her. Awful.
Sam – 0 – GASP! Whoa whoa whoa. He had a great attitude, but whoa.

They say their pieces. Andrea needs to be here still. Sam has lost a ton of weight and he doesn’t need to stay. Of course neither want to leave, but if we talk about NEED instead WANT, Andrea should be there. “I have nothing bad to say about Drea. I will not choose that route. I will not choose that Melissa route.” HA. She’s gone and she’s still got a bad name in the house.

Elimination: Sunshine votes for Drea. Ashley votes for Sam. Victoria voted for Drea. Koli voted for Drea. Mike voted for Drea. Drea got voted off. Which is sad, I do like her.

She goes home in her NEW CAR. She’s so pretty. YAY Drea! She lost 76 pounds on the ranch. It didn’t say how much she’s lost up until this point- I suppose that’s because they are getting close to the finale.

Next week on Loser: O’Neal’s brother died (I remember reading that on Twitter too) and there is a serious temptation. Whoever eats the most calories casts the only vote at this week’s weigh in.

That’s all she wrote.