Loser 9.16: MAKEOVER WEEK

Let’s all focus on Sunshine and O’Neal one last time so we can get it all out of our system. Hopefully.

Alison showed up while the contestants were eating Multi Grain Cheerios outside on the patio. Puh-lease. She announces that it’s makeover week and they are THRILLED. We are all thrilled. This is the best week of the season. They each get $1000 to go shopping.

The contestants go shopping by themselves. Usually Tim Gunn is there to help. Now they are all by themselves. I wonder if someone will show up. They are all going through some shock as they figure out how to dress. Daris, “I used to buy my jeans at the farm supply store, right by the tarps, there were my jeans.” Not anymore!!

Mike is still at a big and tall store. It’s so sad that he has to do that even after losing 183 pounds. Chin up Michael, we’re all proud of you!!

So I just got back from a potty break and Stephen’s updating me. “Hello my name is Anthony or John Antin and I’m the head judge on Bravo’s show blahblahblah.” So yeah. I think we’re also having a Locks of Love commercial. Hey, of all commercials, that’s a good one to have. I think I may be the only one in the world that actually likes Daris’ curls. And now they are gone.

Sunshine has her reveal first. She has Tyra hair. She looks great, minus the Tyra stuff. Her brothers showed up to see her. They are both so skinny.

Koli is next. It’s amazing to see his before pictures. Reveal. Soul patch. I’m not a fan of soul patches but okay. He’s wearing thick black glasses but it’s kind of cute. He look great.  He’s crying, I love that.

Now Ashley. She still has a ways to go but, wow, she looks so much better! She has great hair. Her sisters came and they screamed a lot and touched her collarbones. I love seeing her so excited.

Sam is up. They gave him a goatee. I liked it for a second until I thought he might pull out his gun and kill me. I’m not sure yet. Maybe if he keeps smiling. He’s normal sized, it’s nuts!

Daris’ turn. WHOA. He looks soooo different. Stephen hates it. I’m not sure about the hair yet, we’ll see how he does it on his own. He looks soooo great, so healthy. You can really see his smile now. He has a pair of 34 jeans! Thoroughly impressed.

Mikey! YAY! His hair looks great!! His facial hair is actually great. He looks fantastic. Fantastic. I think we need subtitles to understand him and his sisters freak out… or maybe my dog can decode it. His sister wants to change now. He has dimples!! Are these thoughts scattered enough??

The players take their guests to the “concert” that doesn’t appear to be a concert. Oh I guess it is. Ashanti is going to sing to them. AWKWARD. She has a microphone and there are only like 20 people there. This is like on your birthday when the whole room is singing happy birthday to you and you don’t know where to look or what to do. I do not like this. I like the clips between the singing, it’s so cool to see where they’ve come from. I think they showed the clip of Daris in the gym saying, “I will do everything to make you proud” about 17 times this season. Sam and Daris are officially to the point in their weight-loss where their “before” photos make them look swollen, like they were stung by a bee. Sunshine too. By the finale, they’ll all look like that.

(Wow. The first commercial during the commercial break is a perfume one with Keira Knightley. She is a freaking stick. Too skinny honey!)

Challenge time. There is a jacob’s ladder over the pool. Awesome. “You all made a splash at the makeovers.” Someone please work on Alison’s lines. CHEESE BALLS. The one who stays on the longest wins a one pound advantage, the first to fall in gets a one pound disadvantage.

Oh look, Daris’ hair is all curly again. Ashley is the first in the water after only 3 minutes. Ashley, you could do better. Mike is in second. They are at 45 minutes and Sunshine falls in. Now it’s between Sam, Koli, and Daris. Sam is done. Sheesh, they’ve been on for one hour! One hour, and Ashley lasted 3 minutes! Daris is daydreaming. My goodness, they must be bored. Daris apparently needs to pee. Two hours! Look what happens when you do something for yourself, Koli. You kick butt. Daris fell in at 2.5 hours. Man! Oh well, I’m proud of Koli. Rather him than Sam.

Eww, Bob called Daris Lyle Lovett. NOT A COMPLIMENT. Yeah, his hair is not okay. This is why I liked his long curly hair. With those tight curls, there’s no other option. They discussed the challenge and Daris shed a few tears. He knew he gave up. He knew he was capable of going on. So basically he still needs to work some mental things.

WHAT?? This Despicable Me commercial? Biggest Loser, you’ve hit an all-time low. Your expenses on the show can’t be SO high that you have to sell all this product placement and awkward advertising. UGH. Vomit.

Walgreens Athletic Tape. ENOUGH.

Last chance workout. Jillian focuses on Ashley because of her one pound disadvantage. Bob focuses on Daris. They need to talk this out. Bob had some words, Daris had some tears. It always makes me nervous when they jump over things. Bob makes him do those squat/sit things to show him what he’s capable of. BRUTAL. He did this after all the jumping and serious working out. “Jillian and I could not do this last chance workout.” Man alive, I don’t know how his legs weren’t shaking like Jello! And now he has to run. Beast. Sam, be scared. Whoa, he just flew off the treadmill, stood up and ran back on. Well done Daris! Now if only someone could figure out how to come put your hair back on!

Weigh in time! Look how skinny Alison is and she’s had two babies. What do you think about that, Jillian?

Koli- 15 – 6.18% That’s HUGE!
Mike – 9 – 2.62% Sounds good, but not great after Koli’s 15!
Daris – 9 – 4.21% He’s 205, 9 pounds is huge.
Sunshine – 9 – 4.81% How is this happening??
Sam – 2 – .83% Yikes. Expected. He’s got nothing left to lose. And he’s gaining muscle.
Ashley – 10 – 3.63% Well done, girl.

So Michael and Sam are below the yellow line. I’m REALLY hoping that they keep Michael. Sam is done. He can’t win, he can go home and be just fine. Michael still needs this for his pride. He needs a week or two with the trainers. Michael is all tears during his plea. I’m hoping these guys don’t start the gameplay now.

Koli voted for Michael. Sunshine voted for Michael because he’s a threat. Ashley voted for Sam. Daris voted for Sam. Which means a tie. Since Sam had the lowest percentage, he’s going home. Sad to see you go, Sam. I like you. You were a great competitor and a stand-up guy. But you’re okay. You’re ready to be home.

Sam gave a fantastic speech to Koli. What great guys. What if all families treated each other like that?? That would be refreshing.

372 to 236. He hit his goal weight on campus so he’s not trying to lose anymore weight. He moved to LA and lives with Stephanie. They look happy and healthy.

Next week: Michael has a meltdown because he’s still fat. An old contestant comes back to show how he’s gained all his weight back. And we see that the one person below the yellow line automatically goes home. Yikes!