Loser 9.17: I Will Do Everything to Make You Proud

What have you done today to make you feel proud? I’m watching the intro… remember Miggy and Migdalia? They were a fun bunch.

There’s talk about what just happened. (Remember Sam got voted off over Mike.) Mike, Daris, and Ashley are on one “team” and Koli and Sunshine are on another “team.” Sunshine said the word “processeses.”

(I bet that no less than 25 people will google “Are Sunshine and Koli dating?” and end up here. Your answer: I have no idea and I highly doubt it.)

Alison greets the contestants and announces that there will be no yellow line, only a red line. Which screws over the team of three. I think this is an NBC ploy to make sure precious Sunshine is in the finale.

VOMIT HELEN. In case you weren’t watching back then, let me brief you. All you need to know is this: she sent her daughter home instead of sacrificing herself. Wrong wrong wrong. Blech. She was not my favorite BL contestant. For the record, here are my top 5 least faves: Vicky, Heba, Helen, Joelle, and the Miggy/Migdalia combo.

Eric from season 3 came back. I didn’t watch back then. Apparently he’s gained most of his weight back. 

I almost want to mute the television so I don’t have to hear Helen talk. Oh good, on to Daris. He is learning that he loves himself. Atta boy! Daris, I don’t think  you’re going to have any problem meeting ladies. Just do something different with your hair. That dude in LA was an idiot.

How many times has Koli said that he’s “in” the finale. Yes, I think he’s a great competitor and he’s most likely going to make it. But hasn’t he ever seen this show? Crazier things have happened. At this stage, all of the competitors have the ability to drop good numbers… and they all have the ability to choke.

Michael just breaks my heart. I wish he could be proud of what he’s done without constantly facing what he’s got ahead of him. OH PLEASE HELEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She walked over to Mike as he was crying to hug him. She apologized for hugging him…”I’m a mom!!!” Ugh. Mom, go hug your daughter. No, I’m not still bitter… why do you ask?

Bob and Jillian meet the contestants in the gym with some bum-bum-bum music in the background. They talk about the tension in the room and the red line. Koli cussed. Don’t say there is no animosity and then drop the f-bomb. NOT CONVINCING. I don’t really like this angry side of him.

Michael is about to have his breakdown. Oh I just feel awful for him. I can sit here and say “Chin up! You’ve done a great job” all day but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still overweight and he feels awful. Once again, he’s surrounded by skinny people. And what’s worse, he’s at a place where he shouldn’t have to feel those insecurities. So he storms off, throwing things and punching things and screaming. He says he’s not having fun and this is hard and awful. He went on makeover week and had to shop at a fat guy shop. OH I HURT FOR HIM. (Oh my gosh I love this show.) He had a good scream and they chatted a bit. I hope he sees what we see. He’s decided it’s time to go back in a give it another shot. ATTA BOY!

The only thing people are talking about is the finale. My guess is that someone stresses so much this week that their weight-loss suffers.

CHALLENGE TIME! I’m so glad Daris is wearing that thing on his head, he looks so much better. It’s an old put-the-weight-back-on challenge. They have a bag with all of their weight, after climbing each hill, they’ll drop the weight for that corresponding week. Winner gets $10K.

“Man I was fat. I can’t believe how fat I was!” Koli said when he saw the giant picture of his old body. They begin the challege and Daris starts off ahead. I hope  he wins. He looks SO skinny in this challenge. What’s crazy is that the people can’t even pick up the bags that contain their old weight. Michael can’t even get the bag off the ground. Ashley has to grunt and groan her way up a hill. YAY DARIS WINS!!!!  “I got rid of a bag but maybe I got rid of a bit of baggage.” Ashley and Michael are working together to get their bags up the hill. Daris, Sunshine, and Koli came back to help. Michael and Ashley held hands… which probably means that people will also google “Are Michael and Ashley dating?” Once again, I don’t know. And I doubt it.

We learn that Daris beat Tara’s time by 10 minutes. TEN MINUTES. Tara was a robot. He is also presented with the option to give up the $10K in favor of a one pound advantage. Of course he went for the one pound. Which usually means that he won’t need it.

Jennie O Turkey. Ugh. Bob wants to take everyone somewhere. Shopping. I smell a product plug. Danskin, Starter, are they at Walmart? Tony Romo is there. Y’all, don’t hate me but I totally wouldn’t have recognized him. Oh yeah.. I was right. Danskin and Starter. They all go running up a mountain. That was short and quick and anticlimactic. Everyone gather for a pep talk from Tony.

And now it’s the look-where-you-came-from video time. This is always so cool to see. Again with the Daris “make you proud” speech. He’s crying!!! So cool Daris. He is seriously so skinny!! Sunshine is next. Crying from the get-go. She looks so different. It’s so amazing how much faces change when they lose so much weight. (Couldn’t the spring for a box of Kleenex for these people????)

Now Koli. He was so round when he started. Crying! 3 for 3. He gave himself a great pep talk. UGH, another Despicable Me commercial. This is seriously foolish. If I were rich, I would give a lot of money to Biggest Loser so that they’d never have another commercial or cheesy product placement segment again.

Ashley’s turn. She’s not crying, yet. Oh now she is. She has come so far. I always forget how big she was. She’s so beautiful. Her hair and her smile are awesome. And now Mike’s turn. He used to talk different, stand different, everything about him was different. Including his hair, thank God. Man, his clips are the best. He has had so many accomplishments these past 16 weeks. “You can see the pain in my eyes.” Y’all, I know I’ve said this before but he has grown up. He looks fantastic.

What better way to follow that up than with a trip to Subway. This time they’ll have breakfast. And they’ll get a sub to take back with them for lunch. “Go get your $5 footlong.” Blah.

Dr. H visits again. This episode seems long. Michael went from age 54 to 38 in 16 weeks. Know Your Number!

(I’m currently having THE WORST heartburn of my life.)

Last chance workout. They are killing it on the treadmill. To all of you Googlers, the song playing in the back ground is “Walk on the Water” by Britt Nicole. They played it in an earlier episode too, I think it was the one they went home for a week. This is the softest looking last chance workout because they aren’t showing us the nasty. Just the inspiring. Sunshine even started crying because she’s so happy. How could you not love this show??

(Alison is in a Zyrtec commercial… did y’all see that?)

Weigh In. Remember that there is only a red line so the person with the lowest percentage goes home. The person with the highest percentage this week gets to have Curtis Stone to their house for a lesson.

Mike – 12 – 3.59% Must’ve been because Bob was crossing his fingers.
Koli – 13 – 5.33% Didn’t see that coming. That’s a huge number.
Daris – 10 – 5.37% Below the 200 mark! And his % was huge because he also had the one pound advantage.
Ashley – 7 – 2.94% Most weight lost by a woman on campus!
(I’m sweating this out big time. TOO MUCH STRESS!)
Sunshine – 2 -1.12 % YES! Sorry Sunshine. Someone has to lose and I’m just realllly glad it’s not Ashley. You have confidence, Ashley needs this.

Sunshine goes home to a gym full of people. Cute little dress with a yellow sash. Nice team color representation. OH COOL! She gets to throw out the first pitch at a Twins game. Not that I like the Twins or anything, but how cool! I can appreciate the magnitude of something like that. They didn’t even give her a player to throw to? She had to throw to the mascot?? Come on Twins!

Two episodes left. Next week: The final 4 go home for 30 days and then have a weigh in to see how makes it. Someone gains 2 pounds. That’s not okay. TWO MORE WEEKS.