I’ve Never Had a Baby Before
There are approximately 43,928,827 baby books on the shelves at Barnes and Noble. There are at least 3 times that many baby websites here on the interwebs. And there are probably 100 times that many people in this world with opinions. So where is a girl to turn for some advice?
Her blog. Duh. I started this blog a year and a half ago so that whenever I got pregnant, I’d have people who I trust to give me advice.
Not really. I started this blog because I thought it would be fun to write things on the internet and make my family read them. Thanks family. Without you, R&R would have withered away and rotted away into the depths of the web.
Where was I going with that? I have no idea. Maybe we should have just let this site wither away…
So. You. Help. There is this thing about babies. They need stuff. You can’t just grow them in your uterus, scream for a painful 17 hours of labor, and then bring them home and continue living life as you were. Or so I’m told. And I assume that what I was told is true because the second I peed on that stick, people started giving me things.
I kept myself off the baby websites for 21 weeks. I knew there was no point trying to pick things out if I didn’t know the gender of the baby. But once we found out that we were having a little boy, I lost it. I have yet to spend a dime (thankyouverymuch) but I have found several things that Jansen has to have.
Like these. Oh Lord have mercy, distressed jeans.
Did you just die? Oh just wait. Jansen needs these too.
So cute. And then there is this onesie that Taryn makes.
Wouldn’t he be so handsome in that? Oh and check these out. All the cool kids have YELLOW BELTS!
I would put him in a little red or yellow polo and pop his collar. Yes I would, Stephen. YES I WOULD.
So do you see my problem? The only thing I care about is mini adult clothes. Mini adult clothes won’t help Jansen sleep or make him giggle or develop his brain. More importantly, these clothes won’t teach him how to play second base. Just kidding. My child will never play second base, he’ll be too tall.
But really. This is me, down on one knee, begging for your help…. My name is Chelsea. I am 25 years old and have no business raising a human. I watch Wheel of Fortune and eat Totino’s pizza. Will you please help my son be a functioning member of society?
I need your secrets. What do I need? What does Stephen need? What does Jansen need? What items got you through the tough times? Favorite toys, bedding, glidders, brands, bottles, etc. etc. etc. Stephen and I will be registering soon and I’d like to form an organized list of “Must Haves” so that I don’t get a migraine and scream in Babies R Us because of baby crap overload. Are you with me?
I know a lot of you have kids so you’ll have some advice. And I know some of you don’t have kids but you have opinions because you either know some babies or you are just that cocky to think you know best without any experience at all. Whatever your reason, please share your thoughts and feelings. Or else Jansen is only getting sweater vests and board shorts.
Thank you in advance for your help. I’ll be sure to give you all credit when Jansen is valedictorian of his kindergarten class. Oh, and if you’re like me and only NEED one of the above featured items, you can click on the picture to go to the website I found it. You’re welcome.