Archive for September 23, 2010

Like It Is (Part 2)

This is the second post in this two post series. If you missed Part 1 you can click here. Basically, this is an honest list of things you need to know about childbirth. In no way is this list meant to scare future moms. It’s purpose is actually the complete opposite… I want you to be prepared. NEWSFLASH: Some aspects of childbirth suck. If I’m the first to tell you that, well, you cannot be helped! Really though, it’s really not that bad. But if you scare easy, you shouldn’t read. All others, read on!

16. When people ask if Stephen stayed up by my face or down by my Baby Exit Zone, I wonder how they gave birth. Based on the position of my body as I was pushing, those places are so close that there isn’t much of an option. “Did he stay up by your face?” “Yes.” “Did he watch the whole thing?” “Yes.”

17. While in the hospital, you’re given some mesh undies. They are these one-size-fits-all thingies. They may look ridiculous but they are bliss. I wish I could wear them every day.

18. You bleed for weeks. Don’t like pads? Too bad!

19. Incase breastfeeding doesn’t suck enough, you also cramp while you feed. Your uterus literally contracts while you’re feeding. So you get to feel a very strong baby try to suck your boob off WHILE your entire belly aches.

20. Oh and you bleed while you breastfeed. And I don’t mean your boobs.

21. Stretch marks often show up AFTER you have the baby. I thought I only had two stretch marks. WRONGO.

22. Post pregnancy is much like your first trimester. You are always tired, seriously hungry, and if you don’t take stool softeners, you won’t poop for weeks.

23. Boobs leak. And they don’t care if there are visitors in the room. Around day 2 or 3, bra pads are extremely necessary.

24. All the pregnancy books tell you to pack this and that in your bag. I even went out and bought a nightgown and robe to bring with me. Not necessary. I lived in their gowns. I wasn’t about to ruin my new gown with all my blood and… other fluids. In my opinion, all you need is: socks, toiletries, an outfit to go home in, a sleeping nursing bra, bra pads, and some DVDs.

25. Don’t buy a nursing bra until you have the baby. There is no way of knowing what size your boobs will be ahead of time. (And don’t expect them to stay the same size from one hour to the next.) This excludes one sleeping bra. They are thin so just guess a size and it should work. You’ll want it once your boobs start behaving like a leaky faucet and you have to wear bra pads.

26. The first pee after childbirth is the longest pee of your life. It also takes a lot on concentration and it’s awkward because your nurse is there to help.

27. When they put your baby on your chest the very first time, it’s very odd. On one hand you want to hug him and stare at him. On the other hand, you are very aware that he is covered in white stuff and he’s still attached to something that is still inside you. So you kind of just lay there awkwardly while the rest goes down. And have no fear, your baby will look MUCH cuter in about 30 minutes.

28. Even when the seconds are slowly ticking and you’re on your second episode of Home Improvement and third episode of Cash Cab, time still flies. Take notes if you want to remember it.

29. The hospital runs on weird hours. They bring breakfast around 7:30 and dinner around 5:30. I don’t know why they think we function on those hours. Many a pot roast has been wasted because mommas aren’t ready for dinner at 5:30.

30. It’s a blur. It’s crazy. It’s not easy. But it is the best day of your life!

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September 23, 2010 at 7:34 am 11 comments


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