You Win Some, You Lose Some

I was anticipating a terrible day yesterday. I’d heard from many moms that the first day back to work is pure torture, so I was ready for an emotional day. Sunday I had a break down. I was sitting in the living room eating my chocolate chip pancakes when it all hit me. Woe is me, my life sucks.

Shockingly, I wasn’t a pool of tears. I cried a bit as I drove away from my mom’s house but I made myself pull it together. If I didn’t, I knew that everytime a coworker came to my office and asked me about Jansen, I’d fall apart. So I chose to ignore it. Just ignore the fact that my bun is fresh out of the oven and I’m sitting behind a desk for the rest of eternity. Ignore it all, or else I’m liable to go into some serious depression.

So let’s consider that a win for the day.

Now let’s discuss the loss.

Around 10:00 yesterday morning I went to the restroom at the office. It was at that time that I noticed that there is no plug in our bathroom. That put me in a bit of a pickle since my breast pump needs a plug. (I later found out that it came with a battery pack as well. I assume I took that out of the stylish tote since I was pumping from home and didn’t want to waste batteries.)

I had a decision to make. I could either go to Office Depot during my lunch break to buy an AC adaptor for the car so I could sit and pump in the car. Or I could not pump and watch my boobs slowly blow up to the size and firmness of watermelons… which may or may not have resulted in me squeezing them into a bottle for a bit of relief. I won’t tell you how I know that works.

I was already in a semi-pissed off state for reasons that I cannot get into on the blog, and I knew that boob engorgement would push me over the limit. When lunchtime came, I heated up my lunch and took it to my car for a field trip. I went to Office Depot to locate an adaptor. I walked into the store and headed to the aisle of cords and other things I don’t understand. I’m not very good with electronic type things, but I knew I was in the wrong spot. An Office Depot employee came to help me.

Office Depot Employee (ODE): Can I help you?
C: Yes. I need an AC adaptor thing.
ODE: Okay, right over here.
C: Of course I was in the wrong aisle. (Par for the course for my craptastic day.)
ODE: There are several to choose from. What do you need to plug in?
C: (Internal dilemma: Tell him the truth or lie?) Oh you know, a laptop or a portable DVD player. Just general things you might plug in.
ODE: Okay, well here we go. (He proceeds to show me the most expensive, fanciest version.)
C: What about the cheaper ones?
ODE: Oh yeah. You could get one of those. Here, this one is just fine.

I take my item to the check out and wait in a very long line. My new adaptor and I went out to the car to get to work. I drove the car around the parking lot to find the most secluded area, an area not surrounded by a billion cars or mobs of day laborers huddling around the Home Depot looking for work (and my boobs). If you know anything about breast pumps, you know that there are several parts. You have to put the cord on the pack, the tube on the pump, the cone on the tube, the bottle on the cone. It’s work. I got it all set up and OH LOOKIE THERE, the AC adaptor is actually a charger that doesn’t accept plugs. Fantastic.

I repackaged the product, drove back to Office Depot, parked, and walked back in. There were two lines open. One cashier was setting up a customer for a rewards card and had several people behind her, the other was slow as molasses. I was getting angry. It was 30 minutes into my lunch break, my food was getting cold, and I still needed to pump.

I got to the front of the line and made my return. I headed back to the aisle and found the real product I needed. And then guess what? Back to the check out line where I was stuck behind (I kid you not) a man who was taking the cashier’s order for fried catfish. Eventually it was my turn. I took the adaptor over to the printing area to see if they could cut the plastic open for me. You know those types of plastic that are so solid you can’t even bend them?? Yeah, it was in one of those. The lady got out her scissors and took one look at my item. “There is a pull tab here.” And with one pull, it was open. Nice.

Back to my car for round two. After a slight battle trying to shove the adaptor into the cigarette lighter thing, I almost had a break down. I was supposed to be in hysterics over my baby, instead I was about to throw an AC adaptor out of the window and drive over it 17 million times.

Eventually it worked out. I got it hooked up and hid under a burp rag. It wasn’t ideal, but it worked.

It was pretty much the most ridiculous hour of my life. All I know is that there must have been hundreds of people praying for me yesterday because that hour was enough to make me want to strangle myself with my breast pump tube. And I’m pretty sure that’s not the way you want to go!