Posts filed under ‘Television’

Just Some Loser Thoughts

I told you I wasn’t going to blog about Loser this season. This is me… not blogging about Loser.

But really, did you see Biggest Loser last night? What the heck is up with the twin cops with the mustaches? Okay I have never been obese and I have never been away from my family for an extended period of time and I have never felt the wrath of Bob and Jillian. (Can we call them Billian?) So no, I can’t really understand what they are going through. However, we are on week 3 or 4 and they are throwing the weigh-in so they can go home? Are you freaking kidding me? Do you know how many people would kill for the opportunity that you are throwing away? Thousands. No. No. Bagillions. I hope one day you realize how selfish that was. Jerk faces.

Also, while I’m on my rant? I’m all about support and encouragement but that yellow team is a bit over the top. They very much remind me of the days of Coach Mo. You can’t just TAKE a leadership role. But I suppose, just like Coach Mo, they think they have credibility because they used to be athletes. Yes, you were in the Olympics but now you’re on The Biggest Loser. AKA: You, my friend, are in the same boat as every other contestant there. You have things you need to worth through… so how about you focus on YOU for a second.

I think those may be my only comments. I mean obviously I have more thoughts and feelings on the episode, but I’m not going to go on and on because I’m not blogging about Biggest Loser this reason, remember? Except… how the heck does Alison always look good? I mean, I know there are hair and make up people but they aren’t magicians. She’s hot.

Feel free to share your opinions. You know I would love to read them!

January 19, 2011 at 7:17 am 4 comments

Loser 9.17: I Will Do Everything to Make You Proud

What have you done today to make you feel proud? I’m watching the intro… remember Miggy and Migdalia? They were a fun bunch.

There’s talk about what just happened. (Remember Sam got voted off over Mike.) Mike, Daris, and Ashley are on one “team” and Koli and Sunshine are on another “team.” Sunshine said the word “processeses.”

(I bet that no less than 25 people will google “Are Sunshine and Koli dating?” and end up here. Your answer: I have no idea and I highly doubt it.)

Alison greets the contestants and announces that there will be no yellow line, only a red line. Which screws over the team of three. I think this is an NBC ploy to make sure precious Sunshine is in the finale.

VOMIT HELEN. In case you weren’t watching back then, let me brief you. All you need to know is this: she sent her daughter home instead of sacrificing herself. Wrong wrong wrong. Blech. She was not my favorite BL contestant. For the record, here are my top 5 least faves: Vicky, Heba, Helen, Joelle, and the Miggy/Migdalia combo.

Eric from season 3 came back. I didn’t watch back then. Apparently he’s gained most of his weight back. 

I almost want to mute the television so I don’t have to hear Helen talk. Oh good, on to Daris. He is learning that he loves himself. Atta boy! Daris, I don’t think  you’re going to have any problem meeting ladies. Just do something different with your hair. That dude in LA was an idiot.

How many times has Koli said that he’s “in” the finale. Yes, I think he’s a great competitor and he’s most likely going to make it. But hasn’t he ever seen this show? Crazier things have happened. At this stage, all of the competitors have the ability to drop good numbers… and they all have the ability to choke.

Michael just breaks my heart. I wish he could be proud of what he’s done without constantly facing what he’s got ahead of him. OH PLEASE HELEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She walked over to Mike as he was crying to hug him. She apologized for hugging him…”I’m a mom!!!” Ugh. Mom, go hug your daughter. No, I’m not still bitter… why do you ask?

Bob and Jillian meet the contestants in the gym with some bum-bum-bum music in the background. They talk about the tension in the room and the red line. Koli cussed. Don’t say there is no animosity and then drop the f-bomb. NOT CONVINCING. I don’t really like this angry side of him.

Michael is about to have his breakdown. Oh I just feel awful for him. I can sit here and say “Chin up! You’ve done a great job” all day but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still overweight and he feels awful. Once again, he’s surrounded by skinny people. And what’s worse, he’s at a place where he shouldn’t have to feel those insecurities. So he storms off, throwing things and punching things and screaming. He says he’s not having fun and this is hard and awful. He went on makeover week and had to shop at a fat guy shop. OH I HURT FOR HIM. (Oh my gosh I love this show.) He had a good scream and they chatted a bit. I hope he sees what we see. He’s decided it’s time to go back in a give it another shot. ATTA BOY!

The only thing people are talking about is the finale. My guess is that someone stresses so much this week that their weight-loss suffers.

CHALLENGE TIME! I’m so glad Daris is wearing that thing on his head, he looks so much better. It’s an old put-the-weight-back-on challenge. They have a bag with all of their weight, after climbing each hill, they’ll drop the weight for that corresponding week. Winner gets $10K.

“Man I was fat. I can’t believe how fat I was!” Koli said when he saw the giant picture of his old body. They begin the challege and Daris starts off ahead. I hope  he wins. He looks SO skinny in this challenge. What’s crazy is that the people can’t even pick up the bags that contain their old weight. Michael can’t even get the bag off the ground. Ashley has to grunt and groan her way up a hill. YAY DARIS WINS!!!!  “I got rid of a bag but maybe I got rid of a bit of baggage.” Ashley and Michael are working together to get their bags up the hill. Daris, Sunshine, and Koli came back to help. Michael and Ashley held hands… which probably means that people will also google “Are Michael and Ashley dating?” Once again, I don’t know. And I doubt it.

We learn that Daris beat Tara’s time by 10 minutes. TEN MINUTES. Tara was a robot. He is also presented with the option to give up the $10K in favor of a one pound advantage. Of course he went for the one pound. Which usually means that he won’t need it.

Jennie O Turkey. Ugh. Bob wants to take everyone somewhere. Shopping. I smell a product plug. Danskin, Starter, are they at Walmart? Tony Romo is there. Y’all, don’t hate me but I totally wouldn’t have recognized him. Oh yeah.. I was right. Danskin and Starter. They all go running up a mountain. That was short and quick and anticlimactic. Everyone gather for a pep talk from Tony.

And now it’s the look-where-you-came-from video time. This is always so cool to see. Again with the Daris “make you proud” speech. He’s crying!!! So cool Daris. He is seriously so skinny!! Sunshine is next. Crying from the get-go. She looks so different. It’s so amazing how much faces change when they lose so much weight. (Couldn’t the spring for a box of Kleenex for these people????)

Now Koli. He was so round when he started. Crying! 3 for 3. He gave himself a great pep talk. UGH, another Despicable Me commercial. This is seriously foolish. If I were rich, I would give a lot of money to Biggest Loser so that they’d never have another commercial or cheesy product placement segment again.

Ashley’s turn. She’s not crying, yet. Oh now she is. She has come so far. I always forget how big she was. She’s so beautiful. Her hair and her smile are awesome. And now Mike’s turn. He used to talk different, stand different, everything about him was different. Including his hair, thank God. Man, his clips are the best. He has had so many accomplishments these past 16 weeks. “You can see the pain in my eyes.” Y’all, I know I’ve said this before but he has grown up. He looks fantastic.

What better way to follow that up than with a trip to Subway. This time they’ll have breakfast. And they’ll get a sub to take back with them for lunch. “Go get your $5 footlong.” Blah.

Dr. H visits again. This episode seems long. Michael went from age 54 to 38 in 16 weeks. Know Your Number!

(I’m currently having THE WORST heartburn of my life.)

Last chance workout. They are killing it on the treadmill. To all of you Googlers, the song playing in the back ground is “Walk on the Water” by Britt Nicole. They played it in an earlier episode too, I think it was the one they went home for a week. This is the softest looking last chance workout because they aren’t showing us the nasty. Just the inspiring. Sunshine even started crying because she’s so happy. How could you not love this show??

(Alison is in a Zyrtec commercial… did y’all see that?)

Weigh In. Remember that there is only a red line so the person with the lowest percentage goes home. The person with the highest percentage this week gets to have Curtis Stone to their house for a lesson.

Mike – 12 – 3.59% Must’ve been because Bob was crossing his fingers.
Koli – 13 – 5.33% Didn’t see that coming. That’s a huge number.
Daris – 10 – 5.37% Below the 200 mark! And his % was huge because he also had the one pound advantage.
Ashley – 7 – 2.94% Most weight lost by a woman on campus!
(I’m sweating this out big time. TOO MUCH STRESS!)
Sunshine – 2 -1.12 % YES! Sorry Sunshine. Someone has to lose and I’m just realllly glad it’s not Ashley. You have confidence, Ashley needs this.

Sunshine goes home to a gym full of people. Cute little dress with a yellow sash. Nice team color representation. OH COOL! She gets to throw out the first pitch at a Twins game. Not that I like the Twins or anything, but how cool! I can appreciate the magnitude of something like that. They didn’t even give her a player to throw to? She had to throw to the mascot?? Come on Twins!

Two episodes left. Next week: The final 4 go home for 30 days and then have a weigh in to see how makes it. Someone gains 2 pounds. That’s not okay. TWO MORE WEEKS.

May 12, 2010 at 7:44 am 8 comments


Let’s all focus on Sunshine and O’Neal one last time so we can get it all out of our system. Hopefully.

Alison showed up while the contestants were eating Multi Grain Cheerios outside on the patio. Puh-lease. She announces that it’s makeover week and they are THRILLED. We are all thrilled. This is the best week of the season. They each get $1000 to go shopping.

The contestants go shopping by themselves. Usually Tim Gunn is there to help. Now they are all by themselves. I wonder if someone will show up. They are all going through some shock as they figure out how to dress. Daris, “I used to buy my jeans at the farm supply store, right by the tarps, there were my jeans.” Not anymore!!

Mike is still at a big and tall store. It’s so sad that he has to do that even after losing 183 pounds. Chin up Michael, we’re all proud of you!!

So I just got back from a potty break and Stephen’s updating me. “Hello my name is Anthony or John Antin and I’m the head judge on Bravo’s show blahblahblah.” So yeah. I think we’re also having a Locks of Love commercial. Hey, of all commercials, that’s a good one to have. I think I may be the only one in the world that actually likes Daris’ curls. And now they are gone.

Sunshine has her reveal first. She has Tyra hair. She looks great, minus the Tyra stuff. Her brothers showed up to see her. They are both so skinny.

Koli is next. It’s amazing to see his before pictures. Reveal. Soul patch. I’m not a fan of soul patches but okay. He’s wearing thick black glasses but it’s kind of cute. He look great.  He’s crying, I love that.

Now Ashley. She still has a ways to go but, wow, she looks so much better! She has great hair. Her sisters came and they screamed a lot and touched her collarbones. I love seeing her so excited.

Sam is up. They gave him a goatee. I liked it for a second until I thought he might pull out his gun and kill me. I’m not sure yet. Maybe if he keeps smiling. He’s normal sized, it’s nuts!

Daris’ turn. WHOA. He looks soooo different. Stephen hates it. I’m not sure about the hair yet, we’ll see how he does it on his own. He looks soooo great, so healthy. You can really see his smile now. He has a pair of 34 jeans! Thoroughly impressed.

Mikey! YAY! His hair looks great!! His facial hair is actually great. He looks fantastic. Fantastic. I think we need subtitles to understand him and his sisters freak out… or maybe my dog can decode it. His sister wants to change now. He has dimples!! Are these thoughts scattered enough??

The players take their guests to the “concert” that doesn’t appear to be a concert. Oh I guess it is. Ashanti is going to sing to them. AWKWARD. She has a microphone and there are only like 20 people there. This is like on your birthday when the whole room is singing happy birthday to you and you don’t know where to look or what to do. I do not like this. I like the clips between the singing, it’s so cool to see where they’ve come from. I think they showed the clip of Daris in the gym saying, “I will do everything to make you proud” about 17 times this season. Sam and Daris are officially to the point in their weight-loss where their “before” photos make them look swollen, like they were stung by a bee. Sunshine too. By the finale, they’ll all look like that.

(Wow. The first commercial during the commercial break is a perfume one with Keira Knightley. She is a freaking stick. Too skinny honey!)

Challenge time. There is a jacob’s ladder over the pool. Awesome. “You all made a splash at the makeovers.” Someone please work on Alison’s lines. CHEESE BALLS. The one who stays on the longest wins a one pound advantage, the first to fall in gets a one pound disadvantage.

Oh look, Daris’ hair is all curly again. Ashley is the first in the water after only 3 minutes. Ashley, you could do better. Mike is in second. They are at 45 minutes and Sunshine falls in. Now it’s between Sam, Koli, and Daris. Sam is done. Sheesh, they’ve been on for one hour! One hour, and Ashley lasted 3 minutes! Daris is daydreaming. My goodness, they must be bored. Daris apparently needs to pee. Two hours! Look what happens when you do something for yourself, Koli. You kick butt. Daris fell in at 2.5 hours. Man! Oh well, I’m proud of Koli. Rather him than Sam.

Eww, Bob called Daris Lyle Lovett. NOT A COMPLIMENT. Yeah, his hair is not okay. This is why I liked his long curly hair. With those tight curls, there’s no other option. They discussed the challenge and Daris shed a few tears. He knew he gave up. He knew he was capable of going on. So basically he still needs to work some mental things.

WHAT?? This Despicable Me commercial? Biggest Loser, you’ve hit an all-time low. Your expenses on the show can’t be SO high that you have to sell all this product placement and awkward advertising. UGH. Vomit.

Walgreens Athletic Tape. ENOUGH.

Last chance workout. Jillian focuses on Ashley because of her one pound disadvantage. Bob focuses on Daris. They need to talk this out. Bob had some words, Daris had some tears. It always makes me nervous when they jump over things. Bob makes him do those squat/sit things to show him what he’s capable of. BRUTAL. He did this after all the jumping and serious working out. “Jillian and I could not do this last chance workout.” Man alive, I don’t know how his legs weren’t shaking like Jello! And now he has to run. Beast. Sam, be scared. Whoa, he just flew off the treadmill, stood up and ran back on. Well done Daris! Now if only someone could figure out how to come put your hair back on!

Weigh in time! Look how skinny Alison is and she’s had two babies. What do you think about that, Jillian?

Koli- 15 – 6.18% That’s HUGE!
Mike – 9 – 2.62% Sounds good, but not great after Koli’s 15!
Daris – 9 – 4.21% He’s 205, 9 pounds is huge.
Sunshine – 9 – 4.81% How is this happening??
Sam – 2 – .83% Yikes. Expected. He’s got nothing left to lose. And he’s gaining muscle.
Ashley – 10 – 3.63% Well done, girl.

So Michael and Sam are below the yellow line. I’m REALLY hoping that they keep Michael. Sam is done. He can’t win, he can go home and be just fine. Michael still needs this for his pride. He needs a week or two with the trainers. Michael is all tears during his plea. I’m hoping these guys don’t start the gameplay now.

Koli voted for Michael. Sunshine voted for Michael because he’s a threat. Ashley voted for Sam. Daris voted for Sam. Which means a tie. Since Sam had the lowest percentage, he’s going home. Sad to see you go, Sam. I like you. You were a great competitor and a stand-up guy. But you’re okay. You’re ready to be home.

Sam gave a fantastic speech to Koli. What great guys. What if all families treated each other like that?? That would be refreshing.

372 to 236. He hit his goal weight on campus so he’s not trying to lose anymore weight. He moved to LA and lives with Stephanie. They look happy and healthy.

Next week: Michael has a meltdown because he’s still fat. An old contestant comes back to show how he’s gained all his weight back. And we see that the one person below the yellow line automatically goes home. Yikes!

May 5, 2010 at 8:33 am 11 comments

Seven Quick Takes – Slow Days, Quick Weeks

I just don’t understand how this works. The days (specifically while at work) seem to be 65 hours long but then all I have to do is blink and it’s been a week. It’s not just me, right? This craziness happens to everyone, doesn’t it?

Well let’s get to it.

I’m worthless on Thursday nights. Community, The Office, and 30 Rock have drawn me in and I can’t bring myself to ignore them. I don’t really mind though because it’s probably the most I laugh all week. And since laughing is good for the soul, I think our evening on the couch with dinner and NBC is an investment in my health. Don’t tell me otherwise.

I’m currently sitting on my couch, typing on my laptop, wearing a pre-pregnancy exercise top with a built in bra. Why am I telling you this? Because my belly is hanging out LIKE WHOA and I look seriously white trash. And these are the kinds of things I share with you.

We need to talk about this new KFC Double Down Chicken Sandwich. Is this for real??? Bacon and cheese between two fried chicken breasts? What is our world coming too? It’s almost as bad as Suri Cruise in stilettos or over the counter paternity tests.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my monthly check up. I was excited for this appointment for two reasons. First, it’s always thrilling to hear that little heartbeat. Second, I was curious about how much weight I had gained. If you recall, 4 weeks ago was the last time I was weighed and I had gained a total of six pounds the beginning of this baby growing thing. I anticipated being at about 10 this time around…

(insert long dramatic pause)

Y’all. I. Gained. Nine. Pounds. In. Four. Weeks. Oh. My. Gosh. OHMYGOSH. My jaw dropped. The nurse looked at the scale, looked down to write it and saw my previous weight. She shot her head back up and said, “Wait. That much since last time?” I’m almost 20 weeks and I have gained 15 pounds. I seriously thought the doctor was going to give me a stern talking to. She didn’t seem shocked when she looked at my chart. So I asked. “Ummm, should I be concerned about my weight gain?” Her response sort of made me want to hug her and bring her home for dinner and run her a blissful bubble bath. “Oh no! It’s perfect. You hadn’t gained much last time we saw you so I expected this. You are right on track.”

And just for visual proof, here is a picture of me at 15 weeks and 19 weeks.

Anyone have any really good recipes that involve strawberries? I anticipate coming home from strawberry picking with an abundance of berries. I don’t want any of this sterilize, boil, all-day-in-the-kitchen jam business. No thank you. I may try some freezer jam. Anything else?

While I was in the waiting room yesterday at the doctor, there was a girl there with her mom. She looked to be about 15. She was skinny and her makeup was too dark for her face and she was wearing PJ pants. She kept talking to her mom in a really soft voice using words about five times faster than the average human. At one point I saw her mom look at the pregnant girl to the left of me and say, “Yeah but look what she has on her hand. See that? You need that first.” Then she turned to me, “Her too. Look at her hand.” I had no clue what they were saying but now that I was involved, I looked at them. Momma explains, “She said that y’all’s baby bumps are so cute that it makes her want one. I told her to look it your hand. She needs a ring before she has a bump.” It took ALL MY POWER to not stand up and pull that girl up by her messy bun and tell her to enjoy being a kid, close her legs, and FOR THE LOVE OF PETE do not get pregnant.

This girl was also in an argument with her mom over something that I’m sure was really important. She kept saying things like, “How could you take his side over mine? You’ve known me your whole life! You’ve known him two years.” “Three years. I’ve known him three years. We’ve been married two years. And I’m not taking sides.” “Yes you are. I’m your daughter. You’re supposed to be on my side!” Umm no, honey child. She is supposed to be on her husband’s side. And I’m pretty sure I’m on her husband’s side even though I don’t have any idea who her husband is.

What in the world am I going to do if this child is a girl? Can she live with one of y’all from age 13-18?

This week was Shania Twain week on American Idol. Two things that are very wrong with this world. I’m certain I would have vomited if I had turned it on.

And that’s all I’ve got for you today! I hope everyone has fun weekends planned! I’m praying that it quits raining tomorrow so nothing messes with our berry plans!

April 30, 2010 at 8:41 am 29 comments

Loser 9.15: Cue “Everything Is Bigger In Texas” Puns

The Loser contestants are going to Texas… home of 5 of the 10 fattest cities in America. Awesome. Alison is wearing another red jacket, which means I’ll get another 60 million hits this week from people googling the jacket to figure out where it’s from. I really think NBC needs to start giving me this info so people can get some answers when they come here!

A bunch of clips of the contestants doing radio segments. Not too interesting. Maybe because I don’t want them to keep talking about fat Texas. I love me some Texas and I want you all to know that there is a lot more to this state than fat people. Like… we have good food. Oh wait…

Walgreens commercial. REALLY???

Radio listeners get to win a chance to run with the contestants. I remember when this was going on. I texted my SIL to try to go win. She was busy that morning, sadly. I’m seeing that the majority of the people who have won tickets are not obese. They are all teamed up with a contestant and they are wearing their colors. Daris told his team that he’s going to finish the race and then come back and finish it with them. Mike is taking a different approach. He said she isn’t going to leave anyone behind, he’s spent his whole life being left behind. Normally I’d say that he was being lazy, but I think that’s old Mike, not new Mike. I think new Mike is all about inspiring people.

I’m loving that guy in the yellow shirt. He’s lost 65 pounds in 9 months on his own… all because Mike from last season inspired him. Love Mike!

O’Neal cried with a girl. No surprise. O’Neal does that a lot.

I’m kind of bored with this. Anyone else? Seriously. I have nothing to report except “mobs of people are either running or walking. Some have never run before. Some cry. Some hug. All are excited and have Texas on their shirt. The end.”

I did love seeing that last lady finish. I don’t care who you are, you’ve gotta be proud of finishing a 5K. ESPECIALLY if you haven’t even jogged in decades. “I can’t even walk through Walmart, I have to take a cart. And I just walked a 5K!” Hopefully this means there’s one less slow-moving cart in the aisles of Walmart.

Inspiring, yes. Blog worthy. not so much.

Bob shows up at 24 Hour Fitness to train random people. (Just a thought, if you want to make Texas lose weight, grab the people from McDonald’s, not the gym. Yes?) He also teaches a spin class and then hosts a Q&A where he tells people to get the Biggest Loser app on their Verizon phone.

Mike, Ashley, and Daris are tres amigos. They’re buds. They decide to do stairs together to get a workout in. They are staying at the W Hotel but don’t have a gym? Not likely.

Challenge time. Of course they are wearing cowboy hats because they are in Texas. We always wear cowboy hats here in Texas. I immediately received a text from my SIL that said, “Oh hell no!” I laughed. Alison talks about how tough Texans are (thank you) and how we having a saying that sometimes you have to just grab the bull by the horns (yes, we do have that saying). This challenge involves grabbing the bull by the horns. “Ohhh hell no,” says Mike. We agree Mike. Actually no bulls, just calves. The contestant with the most calves in their pin wins immunity this week. Awesome. I LOVE calf scrambles. They make people look so awkward!

Here we go. Oh lookie there, it’s not quite so easy. I forsee a lot of dirt in the teeth. Hey Mike, calves aren’t puppies…  you can’t lure them with high voices. O’Neal is seriously taking nose dives into the ground. Not so smart, my friend. Sam is putting calves into Koli’s pin since Koli helped Sam last week. That’s nice. Mike decides to help Daris since they are BFF and he’s hoping it’ll keep him safe. I am totally pulling for Daris!

Comes down to the last few seconds, Koli won.

YAY ABBY! Jillian went to some high school to chat with some kids and visit Abby. Abby is wearing a super cute necklace. And there is some major feedback on Jillian’s mic. My heart is breaking for this overweight girl. I want to hug her and tell her that teenagers are jerks. I hope she changes her life. Life is too short to be unhappy.

The yellow team left for O’Neal’s brother’s funeral so they weren’t around for the last chance workout. Doing sprints on a treadmill makes me nervous. Not that I’ve actually ever done it or anything…. I just mean that watching them do it makes me nervous. The workout was otherwise uneventful. Mike has a minor freakout in which he told Bob to leave him alone. Bob cussed at him and said he’ll never leave him alone and to never say that to him again. Never really seen Bob get mad before.

Weigh In. OUTSIDE in downtown Dallas. Keep in mind that this was filmed months ago so it was 34 degrees. Really Loser? Is it necessary to make these people stand outside just so you can have a nice camera shot? Cruel. They are hardly wearing any clothes!

Koli: 1
Sam: 6 – 2.44%
Sunshine: 4 – 2.09%
O’Neal: 5 – 1.85%
Mike: 15 – 4.19% WHOOO HOOO! Amazing! (Really hoping next week is makeover week, his hair needs some help!)
Daris: 5 – 2.28% Have I mentioned how much I love him?
Ashley: 6 – 2.36%

Oh no… the end of the world is upon us. Sunshine and O’Neal are both below the yellow line. Sunshine is crying like someone has told her that one of them has to die. SETTLE DOWN LADY. And now Alison is going to leave them here in the cold to chat about it for an hour. Does nobody give these people Kleenex? They are cold and crying. SNOT CITY.

Stephen and I are discussing how cohesive this group is. There’s no petty game play. These people care about each other and care about their well-being. We like that.

So now O’Neal is gone. I like him but I’m not torn up about it. I’m hoping this means we’ll have less sappy father/daughter tears. He went from 389 to 250. He’s continued to lose weight at home and can put on his own shoes. All of these before/after comparisons are amazing. He’s lost a ton of weight!!

Next week: MAKEOVER WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!! Tha best week EVER. I can’t wait!

April 28, 2010 at 8:20 am 13 comments

Seven Quick Takes

I wonder if I have 7 things to tell you today. Let’s see!

There are two girls I talk about the most: Lyndsey and Lauren. The stars have aligned and the world is good… I get to see BOTH of them this weekend!!

Anytime Lyndsey knows that she’s going to see me, she gets a pedicure. I have this thing about women with unpainted toenails. I think it’s nasty. I don’t require that you get a pedicure. I don’t even require that you paint your toenails. But just know that if they aren’t painted, I will think your toes are gross. (Why doesn’t spell check recognize “pedicure” as a word???)

For those of you who are new or ignored me the first time around, I’d like to give out a little bit more love for Swagbucks. It’s a search website where you win points that can then be used to buy things. I’ve been on it about 2 months or so and I’ve already earned the equivalent of over $25 in Amazon gift cards… for searching! I just go to their site and search “facebook” to get me to that site instead of typing in the URL. If you want more info, let me know! Click here to sign up. Friday is a good day to start because it’s “Mega Swagbucks Day” and you earn even more. Y’all, I’m a super fan! Free money is the way to my heart.

I’ve heard several reports (from you and Twitter) about the latest interview about Jillian Michaels. She stated that she is going to adopt because she “can’t handle doing that to my body.” I’m sorry, whaaaaa?? Doing WHAT to your body, exactly? There is nothing wrong with pregnancy. God is good. Pregnancy was God’s idea. He wouldn’t require something out of us that wouldn’t be good for us. And, I’m sorry, pregnant women are cute! Nobody looks at them and thinks they are fat! “Also, when you rescue something, it’s like rescuing yourself.” Having a baby IS NOT about you. If you make it about you, you will be seriously, seriously disappointed. Issues Jillian? Stop being a shrink to everyone else and work on that.

I have two greatest pregnancy fears. The first is that my water will break at work or another highly public place. AWKWARD. “Excuse me, I need to skidaddle over to the hospital. Would you be a peach and clean up my uterus juices?” Gross. The second fear is not something to mentioned aloud. But let’s just say it has nothing to do with pain. I’m not saying I’m a superhero or anything, but I know I can get through the pain. My mom had three babies without drugs and I’ve seen how much she winces when our Lucy works out her knots. If she can give birth without dying, I can too.

I once read an article about how to save money in really random ways. One of the things they discussed was calling your cable company and telling them you’d like to cancel because they’ll give you a great deal. I was too nervous to do this because 1) I never had any intention of quitting cable and I’m an awful liar and 2) What if they didn’t offer anything and they just cancelled it? Well I told you that we actually did decide to cancel cable. Long story short, they never just cancel your cable. They offer you fantastic things. So not only did we NOT cancel cable, but we have more channels (including movie channels… what?!) with a guide and we’re paying only $15 more than we would be if we only had internet. So BUCK UP y’all. Call your cable company and tell them you want to cancel because you need to save money. You will not regret it.

I have slept wonderfully this week! WONDERFULLY! I’ve gotten the hang of my pillow and I’m sleeping almost better than I did before I was pregnant! Praise the LAWD! Although for some reason I still never feel rested. I guess we can’t have everything.

Have a great weekend, y’all!!

April 23, 2010 at 9:24 am 23 comments

Loser 9.14: Smells Like Fat

I’m watching in real time tonight which is something I haven’t done in about 11 years. And I just polished off a plate of homemade beef fajita nachos. I made sure to finish before the show started. For two reasons really: 1) I don’t want to get sour cream on my keyboard and 2) I think Jillian can see me through the television.

Let’s get started!

Beautiful Alison Sweeney shows up to announce the temptation. “Ohhhh no.” The kitchen is closed and all meals (only during that day, dumb) will be eaten in this room upstairs. There’s healthy food and not-so-healthy food (aka: Food Chelsea Eats). Whoever eats the most calories at the end of the day gets the only vote. Sam and Koli decide that Koli is going to go for it. Sam thinks he’ll fall below the yellow line and he wants Koli to save him. Selfish much? “Real bacon. None of that turkey bacon.” Think they lost their Jennie-O sponsorship?

So far the only one eating a lot is Koli. Mike seems to be trying to trick Victoria into thinking he ate a lot.

Koli is eating A LOT. He had over 2000 for lunch alone. He’s not going to be happy when two nice people go below the yellow line and he has to be the bad guy. Haven’t you ever watched The Biggest Loser, Koli??? Bob and Jillian are going to be so mad at you and then the rest of the house is going to be mad at you. You could have at least avoided the chili dogs. Gross.

 Koli had 4164 calories. Ummm ewww. Did you see how he measured his ketchup in a measuring spoon?

Okay y’all, Mike is like a completely different guy. He’s like a grown up. He’s mature and funny. I really like him now. I’m really proud of him.

Okay so I’m not so mad at Koli right now. I love that he and Sam are working out in the middle of the night. He’s not about evil game play, he’s just about staying in the game. And that’s okay. He’s not malicious and he doesn’t thrive on power. He’s just a good guy. (I think.) I just hope that Sam doesn’t throw the weigh-in. THAT is malicious.

Here come Bob and Jillian. $20 say that they aren’t going to be on board with this. Oh yes, I’m right. Jillian is disgusted. Disgusted. Disgusted. But that’s okay because it’s time to work out. HOLT COW! Bob is punching Daris in the stomach while he’s holding weights above his head. He’s a beast.

Ashley is having a breakdown because she’s all alone now that Andrea is gone. It’s not easy for girls to be alone. It makes us sad.

Dr. H is back. Time to revisit the Know Your Number age thingy. This is always really boring for me. It’s cool because it’s showing that their bodies are truly changing for the better… that the work actually pays off. Strider bike thingy.

Challenge time! I love challenges! Especially when they involve bizarre cranes and cables. They have building blocks that they have to stack in order to get high enough to reach . The winner gets a one pond advantage. The last one gets a 1 pound disadvantage. Mike decides to give Ashley some pointers… turns out, his pointers aren’t great. It was a nice thought though. Mike is being an engineer and making a permanent structure! It’s neck and neck between Daris and Sam. GO DARIS! I’d like Daris to get more screen time. This season is all about gray and yellow. And he made it! Whoo hoo! So Daris gets a one pound advantage.

Victoria knocked half of her structure over and thought she was going to die. Yeah, no. You have ropes attached to you and 16 millions crew members standing around. YOU’RE FINE. O’Neal fell as he was trying to get down his structure. Everyone freaked out like he was paralyzed. Sheesh people, settle down.

Ashley looks like she is about to have a commercial. Something NEW in the house! How convenient. Yoplait Greek Yogurt. 14 grams of protein!!

O’Neal is back, nothing is broken. But something about bones and calcium and nerve pain. And luckily he has a Walgreens ice pack for his knee.

To the beach!! Gabriel Reece is there to work out with them and to advertise Starter. UGH! ENOUGH WITH THE ADS! So they run a bit and then play in the water. Booooring.

Back from commercial break and we learn that this one of the worst week’s of O’Neal’s life. His brother died. We knew this was coming so I’m not shocked. Very very sad still. He’s crushed, which is totally understandable. Jillian is making his box. They always do that to the most emotional person. He had a bit of a meltdown and started punching a machine. Then he went for a walk and cried some more. It’s not an easy thing to watch, but it’s life.

Weigh in time. Oh Ali, you’re cute.

Koli- 10 – 3.7% WOWZA! Not bad!!
Daris- 7 – 3.54% My fave.
Mike – 5 – 1.38% Not so bueno.
Ashley – 4 – 1.55% Ouchie! I hope it’s not Mike and Ashley…
Sam – 6 – 2.38% Well done.
Victoria – 1 – .37% And you’re going home.
O’Neal – 8 – 2.52% How in the WORLD??
Sunshine – 1 – .52% Well that’s not fun.

So it’s between Sunshine and Victoria, and it’s all up to Koli. Well OF COURSE it’s going to be Victoria going home. Koli is in love with O’Neal, he’d never do that to him. Plus, he just talked about how Victoria needs to step it up and work out like she really wants to be here. I only wonder what he’s going to say in his schpeal. Didn’t look like the girls said anything to Koli to fight for their spots. I wonder if they did but didn’t show it.

He voted Victoria off. He didn’t preface it with much of anything but he said that she needs to push. She needs to step it up. I agree, she does not.

Victoria is back in H-Town. (That means Houston.) Her momma is looking good! She went from 358 to 240, she looks great. Last week they didn’t show Andrea’s current weight… I wonder why. Ugh, really? A 24 Hour Fitness commercial! This Where She Is Now segment seems to be all about her mom. Weird. But I’m proud of her mom.

Next Week: The contestants are going to TEXAS. Yee Haw.

Otherwise, the last chance workout is uneventful.

April 21, 2010 at 8:00 am 9 comments

Loser 9.13: With A Big ‘Ol Afro On His Head

Hi, my name is Chelsea and I write Biggest Loser recaps. You may not know that about me because I’ve been MIA the past two Wednesdays, but I’m back. With my very own version of a recap… as Lauren calls it, my little episode of Chelsea Hurstly.

Off to a quick start. Alison immediately grabs the contestants from breakfast for a Change Themed pop challenge. The contestants will be holding a tray and balancing quarters. Each quarter is worth $10 and the winner keeps the money. This clearly has nothing to do with weight loss so we will have a very not-so-smooth transition to Suze Orman. By the end of this challenge, the contestants are seriously sweating and shaking. Mike and Sunshine are battling to the end. Mike ended up winning $1000 which they doubled because he gave 100%. They gave Sunshine $1000 because she also gave 100%.

They went to the living room and met Suze Orman , the original carrier of the Kate Gosslin hair-do. She talked about how… actually I don’t know… I was eating Easy Mac and forgot to listen. Last seasons’s Danny came to talk to them. Boy howdy, that man is good looking!! They chatted a bit and projected Sunshine to win the game.

Danny joined the group for a work out. I LOVED seeing Danny’s face in the background when Bob was giving Daris a pep talk. It looked like he was going to pass out. Koli and Sunshine worked out together and talked a bit of smack. “I didn’t know they did that for the at home winner.” Ha, Sunshine. You made me laugh. Victoria had a bit of a breakdown. She’s behind everyone else and is having a hard time adjusting. Jillian yelled at her a lot and then tried to have a shrink-session. It didn’t help. Victoria didn’t have any ah-ha moments. It’ll come eventually, it has to.

Sam and Victoria have a chat about figuring out the mental part of this. You cannot lose weight and keep it off without knowing why it was there in the first place. THIS IS A HUGE LESSON.

It’s raining and Ali looked so cute in her red jacket, cute hat, pigtails, and Burberry umbrella. ALI, how do you do that??? Granted you have hair and make up people… but I’m certain that no amount of hair and make up people could make me that cute all the time. Not all of us can be Alison Sweeney or Lauren From Texas (<– that’s a link).

There’s a challenge and two people will win a Mazda 3. They have to run out in the rain and mud and grab a key from the string of a giant balloon (can’t make this stuff up) and run back to test it. Repeat repeat. There are 150 keys out there, only 2 work. They are getting in the car while they are sweaty, muddy, rainy, and nasty. That’s gross. Although they aren’t actually wet when they get in the car from the view of the car camera. What is going on with this weird trickery??? Andrea won the first car! Yay for her! I’d be happy for anyone right now. Although I’m sort of tired of the “I love Sunshine more than life itself” crap. You love your daughter, I get it. But I don’t need to hear about it all the time. Anyways, maybe Daris will get the other, I love him. 40 keys left, 30 keys left…. and then O’Neal wins it…. naturally. So of course that means it belongs to Sunshine.


On to the workout. Andrea and Bob have a chat. Lots of mention of being deserving love and touching and hugs… which means approximately 17,000 people will google things like “Is Andrea dating someone?” “Andrea and Koli” “Andrea and Daris” “Andrea and Mike” “Andrea and who the heck?” Victoria had to run sprints again. She had to run 5 springs with each contestant. She whined her way through it but man alive, she may have killed with weight loss this week! I love that Andrea said, “Pick your head up, finish with pride!” Jillian tried again to get her to break down. She’s started. There were a few tears and even a mention of being “not goo enough” – which is usually where it starts.

Work out in the mud. I remember seeing pictures of this on Bob and Jillian’s twitter. Lots and lots of mud. Rubbed in Jillian’s hair. Loved it.

Last chance workout. Jillian beat up on Sunshine, Koli, and Sam. They didn’t care or complain at all. That’s what makes them winners. “BOB! I just jogged a whole mile and didn’t slow down at all!! I’VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!” Mike is hilarious. Bob replies, “Good! Do it again.” So he does. With a smile on his face. And then he kept going to 3.1, he did a 5K. So Bob told him to keep going, he needed to get to 5 miles. Totally impressed y’all. I can’t run a mile. (Even pre-pregnancy, sadly.) Mike has really come a long way. HE is why I love this show! It just gives me happy feelings inside!

Weigh In Time! Alison is in a brown dress that is not my favorite.

Sunshine – 3  – 1.54% Not good, not good at all.
Koli – 6 – 2.17%
Daris – 7 – 3.00% Whoo hoo! Yay Daris!
Mike – 9 – 2.42% Fantabulous change! But EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Hair in a ponytail! EWWW.
Ashley – 6 – 2.27% Good for her, stop showing Sunshine.
Victoria – 5 – 1.84% Good, not great. Not enough to be safe.
O’Neal – 5 – 1.77% At some point, dude, you need to wish good things for yourself. You can’t always be your daughter’s hero.
Andrea – 3 – 1.33% Super suck. I feel awful for her. Awful.
Sam – 0 – GASP! Whoa whoa whoa. He had a great attitude, but whoa.

They say their pieces. Andrea needs to be here still. Sam has lost a ton of weight and he doesn’t need to stay. Of course neither want to leave, but if we talk about NEED instead WANT, Andrea should be there. “I have nothing bad to say about Drea. I will not choose that route. I will not choose that Melissa route.” HA. She’s gone and she’s still got a bad name in the house.

Elimination: Sunshine votes for Drea. Ashley votes for Sam. Victoria voted for Drea. Koli voted for Drea. Mike voted for Drea. Drea got voted off. Which is sad, I do like her.

She goes home in her NEW CAR. She’s so pretty. YAY Drea! She lost 76 pounds on the ranch. It didn’t say how much she’s lost up until this point- I suppose that’s because they are getting close to the finale.

Next week on Loser: O’Neal’s brother died (I remember reading that on Twitter too) and there is a serious temptation. Whoever eats the most calories casts the only vote at this week’s weigh in.

That’s all she wrote.

April 14, 2010 at 8:21 am 9 comments

Loser 9.12: Grab a mattress and jump in the tub!

Hey y’all, Lauren From Texas again. Chelsea asked me to fill in this week because she had a meeting. And since she’s growing a human & all, I complied. You don’t mess with the pregnant ladies.

Alright, we’re back. Victoria is all THAT WAS THE WORST THING EVER re: the elimination. Everyone else is cold-hearted, most of all Melissa. “These people are still not in gameplay!” She thinks they should’ve eliminated Sam because they had more of a chance to beat Stephanie. Good reasoning, I suppose, but Sam is a morale booster, which is also important. Who knows what these people are thinking. They have to deal with Jillian for hours a day & they haven’t had ice cream in weeks. It’s not like they’re thinking clearly.

Everyone meets in the gym. Ali says that the first person to lose 2% of their body weight wins immunity. There’s a button, and when you press the button, a siren goes off & you weigh in. You can weigh yourself at any time, but you can only weigh yourself once. If you haven’t met your goal, you don’t get to weigh in again, & you’ve lost your chance at immunity. Only one person can win.

“If you hear a siren like that in Oklahoma, you’ve gotta grab a mattress and jump in the tub because a tornado is comin’!” -Daris

Ali hands out cards that say how much weight they need to lose. Then Bob & Jillian walk in. I LOVE (and by love I mean am annoyed by) how Bob & Jillian act SO surprised when the players tell them what’s up.

Work out time. Jillian starts focusing in on Sunshine, and owwwww. Those jumps look painful. Kind of like the rockstar jumps I just finished (I’m on Day 29 of the Shred, by the way, & could not be happier that it’s almost over!). Bob & Melissa start talking, and Melissa makes it clear she’s all about the game. Bob basically tells her to play the game but also work her tail off. Whatever Bob. There’s no saving her.

Now they’re all gathered together in the living room & the weird doctor with the curly mullet comes in to talk to them about burning fat “the right way.” Now Jillian has everyone on bikes & Sam & Koli are talking about pushing the button. “Not yet, not yet!” Then Sam says he hates yellow lines & wants to rip the yellow line off his shirt. Um, dramatic much?

Now Ashley & Drea are conspiring/whispering. I DO NOT like the cattiness. Ashley, did you learn nothing last week?! Focus on yourself.Work your tail off & you won’t have to worry about immunity or “the game.” That’s my theory anyway. Everyone is debating about when they’re going to push the button.

Uh oh! Victoria pushed the button! Call me cynical, but I just don’t think she’s lost 6 lbs. yet. It’s a very dramatic weigh-in, complete with a commercial break right in the middle. She only lost 3 lbs. Poor thing. I don’t think she’s been there long enough to understand how this all works. Melissa is SO evil. Shut your mouth woman. No one wants to hear you talk.

Cut to Ali wearing the CUTEST dark pink coat & black headband. At the bottom of the swimming pool, there are 1 lb. weights, 100 for each player. They have to go to the bottom of the pool & bring up their weights, 2 at a time. The prize is the Biggest Loser vacation thing at the Biggest Loser resort or whatever. Also, the last person gets a 1 lb. disadvantage.

I love Sunshine. “Look at us. 12 weeks ago we couldn’t have done this. Now we’re athletes. We are swimming, & we look good doing it.”

Sunshine is ahead with Sam right behind. Sunshine wants to finish so she can help her dad. AWW. She finishes first & immediately starts helping her dad. Sam finishes, & asks Koli if he needs help, to which he replies “Help Unc” (meaning O’Neal). The friendships/relationships get me every time; it’s so touching when people are willing to help others instead of playing the game (COUGHMelissaCOUGH). Everyone starts helping everyone else as they finish, but no one helps Melissa. As Sam says, “That sends a clear message as to how the house feels.” Playing the game has its consequences. Learn it, woman.

Whoa, Ali has some serious roots. Get that taken care of, girl! It’s not like you don’t have people to do that for you.

Sam & Koli are talking about when they should push the button, & are determined to do it before Melissa. There’s a weird hidden camera & Melissa is reading a book or something & Sam & Koli are sneaking in a late night workout. Melissa plans to get up at 3am & 6am to work out. YUCKKKK. OK, everyone is eating breakfast… and someone hits the button. It’s Sam! Melissa is clearly pissed.

Here goes the scale. OMG. HE LOST NOT 6, NOT 7, BUT 10 POUNDS! Way to go Sam!

Melissa: “Should’ve been me.” Ooooof course it should have.

Jennie O commercial as Bob & Jillian play dumb again. They “fill them in” on Victoria & Sam’s button escapades & the pool game. Melissa is clearly pissed about her 1 lb. disadvantage. Bob: “This is what happens when you play the game.”

Bob corners Victoria & gives her a Fiber One commercial.

Last chance workout. I think I need a snack. Bob zeros in on Koli, Jillian on Daris. Speaking of Daris, when is makeover week? Because dude, I love ya, but the hair has GOT TO GO. Jillian takes Sunshine aside & starts doing her psychology voodoo on her. Jillian thinks Sunshine is overweight because she wants to be like her dad. “They can live a parallel life, they don’t have to be fused. She needs to stand on her own two feet.” I like that. Jillian, sometimes I really like you. And then, those other times, like every day for the last month, I kind of want to punch you. But that’s a different story.

Sunshine & her dad start talking. They’re crying, I’m crying, it’s sort of a waterworks. She’s basically telling him she can stand next to him instead of under him. She says “For the first time I see that I am beautiful. For the first time I can stand alone.” Her dad says “I wasn’t going to let you go until you knew that.”


::weeping intermission::

OK, that was very touching. On to the weigh-in.

Ali looks FABULOUS in a deep purple dress, ponytail, & dangling earrings. LOVE IT. Also her eye makeup is kind of to die for.

The weight loss is as follows:

Koli: -5 (Doesn’t look good for him, but we’ll see.)
Daris: -4 (Yikes! Whoa. Then he yells. I’d be worried too.)
Michael: -9 (Good for him! He also needs a haircut. Um. Then he flexes, asks Ali to touch his bicep, stops her, & says “didn’t your mom tell you not to play with guns?” CHEESE CITY.)
Ashley: -7 (Yeah girl! Pretty good. I hope this inspires her to cut the crap & work harder. She’s totally a cutie though.)
Sunshine: -7 (She looks SO good! I really like her.)
O’Neal: -8 (Wow! I’m glad he’s safe.)
Victoria: -11 (WHOA! Yeah girl! I’m proud of her. She really needs/wants to be there.)
Drea: -2 (She immediately gets panicked & starts crying. I do feel bad for her.)
Melissa: -3 (I LOVE Ali. “Just so you know the 1 lb. disadvantage didn’t matter, you still would’ve gone below the yellow line.”)

Drea asks Melissa to leave & gives a very touching “please don’t vote me off” speech. I’m betting they vote Melissa off. Just a hunch, but I think a lot of them like Drea, and oh, I don’t know, Melissa is PURE EVIL. Did she just say she’s a lawyer? She doesn’t mean literally, right? Now she is telling them she is their fairy godmother. She’s always going to be in the bottom 2 & week by week they can pick off whoever is down there with her. Uhh? I mean, I know that’s “playing the game,” but she just sounds like such a witch when she says it.

Elimination Room. Koli votes for Melissa. O’Neal votes for Melissa. Daris votes for Melissa. (I am loving what they are all saying, basically that they don’t want to play the game & they want to earn it by their own merit. Good for them!) Michael votes for Melissa. Victoria votes for Melissa. SHE GONE! No one stands up to hug her or tell her goodbye. Wow.

Then she & Lance run a half marathon on her 40th birthday (OK, that is pretty inspiring). Good for them. Now maybe she can quit being so evil.

Alright, that’s it! Hopefully Chelsea will be back next week because this is exhausting! I don’t know how she does it. Time for a popsicle.

April 7, 2010 at 8:04 am 10 comments

Loser 9.11: The one where people start making up words & stuff.

Hey y’all, Lauren here. You might know me from my blog, Lauren From Texas. Chelsea asked me to fill in for her tonight because she had technical difficulties with her DVR. I was more than happy to rise to the challenge, since I’ve always dreamed of writing a Biggest Loser post here at R&R!

I’m typing this as I’m watching, so this may will be a little scrambled.

Alison is live from the Ranch! And looking HOT in a black dress & tights. Some dude was inspired by BL so he lost a lot of weight at home. I guess we’ll see him later?

Dramatic montage of past players being voted off. In black & white for extra drama.

The 9 remaining players enter the gym where Ali is waiting with something under a blanket. What’s under the blanket? Their original team color shirts! Now they’re going to “singles,” which means no more teams.

Open the doors! All the eliminated contestants! With angry looks on their faces. Apparently they have a chance to get back in the game? Everyone is talking smack.

So… popularity vote? One of the eliminated players gets a chance to be voted back onto the show by the remaining players.

“I don’t know any of these people. We have not talked. We have not conversated.” -girl from blue team. Pray tell, what is “conversated?”

Now they weight in.

Daryl has lost 104 lbs. total. Amazing!
Sherry has lost 62 lbs. & looks great.
Miggy has lost 49 lbs. & still looks surly.
Victoria (Miss Conversated) has lost SEVENTY-THREE POUNDS. You go girl!
Melissa has lost 51 lbs & is still a WITCH. “No one is looking toward the quarter of a million dollars. Everyone wants to be friends. Now is not the time for friends.” Um, alright EVIL INCARNATE.
Lance lost 91 lbs. & is still married to Melissa, so in my mind, evil by association.
Cheryl has lost 51 & is cute as a button! I love her.
John has lost 85 lbs. Nice guy & still has a long way to go at 399 lbs.
Patty  has lost 46 lbs. I love when moms say “I’m doing this for me.” So important!
Maria has lost 57 lbs. & Michael seems excited about that.
James has lost 72 lbs. & has a very long way to go at 413 lbs. Wish both the brothers could come back on, they really need it.
Cherita has lost 47 lbs. & seems like the sweetest woman.

Weird montage where the current players are talking over each other. Black team girl: “Kind of feels like we’re playing God.” Um, last time I checked, God was in charge of more important things than Biggest Loser contestants. But OK.

It’s tied up between Victoria & John with one vote remaining. The vote belongs to Mike. Victoria wins! And Mike was kind of sweet about it. And oh my gosh I’m tearing up. BIGGEST LOSER WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MANAGE TO TUG AT MY HEARTSTRINGS. Victoria’s mom is hyperventilating & it’s all very touching. I agree with Mike’s decision. John already had his chance. Victoria deserves hers.

What the heck, Ali? Now she’s saying there’s another way back into the game. The winner of a challenge yet unknown will be back in the competition. Melissa: “It’s my destiny.” Let’s not be dramatic, Missy. Miggy firmly says she’s going to win. I’d advise the other players to watch out for knives.

They all go outside & Ali is wearing a hat that would look really really cute on a 5-year-old. All the competitors are standing in front of a step. Apparently whoever gets to 1000 steps first is back in the game.

James has knee problems so he’s out right away. Melissa & Miggy are neck & neck. Play back to how truly awful Melissa is & how embittered Miggy & Migdalia are when they’re together. I sure don’t miss that. Sherry is cute as can be. Her shoe is untied? KICK IT OFF! Oh, let’s just kick the other one off so we’re balanced! So now she’s doing it barefoot. She’s spunky too: “I want to beat Melissa!” I’ll drink to that!

Commentary from my husband (regarding Lance): “How is he not beating his wife?! Dude, YOUR WIFE IS BEATING YOU.” (By the way, he meant beating like winning, just to clarify.)

Melissa: “I have to pay attention to what Miggy is doing. I have to pay attention to what Sherry is doing.” Or you could just, you know, focus on YOURSELF. Whatever.

Miggy takes a breather somewhere & Melissa takes that chance to get ahead of Miggy. CRAP. Melissa won.

My husband: “Dude, your wife just smoked you. Again. On national television.”

Lance: “Words can’t describe how proud I am of her. I love her to death.” Well, I guess there really is a person for everyone.

Michael & Maria have a weird relationship. Dude, you’re 30. Time to cut the apron strings, Mama’s Boy.

Melissa & Victoria have immunity. DOUBLE CRAP. I have to see Melissa for at least 2 more weeks? Hold me.

OK, all players (minus the 2 that just got back on) are now in the gym. Bob & Jillian walk in. Considering Jillian just beat the crap out of me on Level 3 of the Shred, I’d rather not see her right now. I guess she doesn’t care though. They start talking to the players, then…

Melissa walks back in. Wait, Jillian, why are you clapping?! Y’all hate each other! Victoria walks in, “I’m HEEERRRREEE!” So cute.

Jillian: “It felt like suddenly, the world was right again.” Oh Jill, you never cease with the dramatics, do you?

And the working out begins. I don’t know why Jill wears jeans to the gym.

Jillian immediately starts picking on Victoria. She says, “I’m happy to be here, but this is going to be work.” Oh honey, what did you think this was, a day at the spa?

I kind of love Koli. “I don’t want [Melissa] here.” Then Sam starts being all tough-guy. Although him & Koli are cute together, all punching each other but you know they’re gonna cry & hug later.

Victoria is cooking & Bob comes in the kitchen. I smell a commercial coming. Oh! Ziplock bags! Double protection!? A modern phenomenon!

Alright, now everyone is being all talky-behind-backy. Koli & Ashley are conspiring that Stephanie is not to be trusted. Koli says: “At the end of the day, it’s about you.” Great point. Now quit your whispering and go burn some calories. This isn’t summer camp. But then Koli says “I don’t trust Stephanie.” Wait – isn’t Stephanie dating Sam? Not trusting her might present problems later in life. But we’ll cross that awkward bridge when we get to it.

Now we’re back to Ali LIVE FROM THE RANCH. The dude in question was 674 lbs. And we’re going to see him? When?

OK, they’re back in the gym. Jill is picking on Victoria again. I think when you hit your head on the treadmill, you should get to stop for a second. Did Bob just call O’Neal “Uncle”? Then Jillian makes Stephanie cry & she walks out. So they go outside and talk. And it seems like Stephanie is just whining. Just a little bit. Not that I would know about whining when Jillian is pushing me to my limits. Jillian: “The more you try to control something, the more it’s going to be out of your control.” That’s kind of good advice, I think.

Apparently there’s some sort of drama with Ashley & Stephanie? Ohhhhh Ashley thinks Stephanie threw her weigh-in to send her (Ashley’s) mom home? What?! These women & their drama. “I would never. I would never. What we have is real.” OH BRRROOOOOOO. Now Stephanie is going around asking who started the drama. JUST STOP IT. This is not high school. Focus on what you came for and quit being catty. My theory is that Ashley & black team girl (still can’t remember her name) are jealous of Stephanie because she’s dating Sam, who by BL standards is hot stuff. So basically, Stephanie is the prom queen of BL & everyone is jealous of her. WHO THE HECK KNOWS.

I don’t even know what my word count must be at this point.

Time for the weigh in and I am IN LOVE with Ali’s gray ruffled dress, hoop earrings, & low ponytail. GIMME.

Weight loss is as follows:

Victoria: -2 (She has immunity so it doesn’t matter, but still. Should’ve been a little higher in my opinion.)
Melissa: -4 (I’ve mentioned I don’t like her, right?)
O’Neal: -4 (He walked up the stairs without hobbling & that was a big deal. Good for him.)
Ashley: -5 (Good job! I am starting to see a huge difference. But enough with the “conspiracy theory” already.)
Michael: -8 (Did I just see a fist pump? It’s nice to see him dropping pounds though.)
Koli: -6 (Not bad. He says he wants bigger numbers. I definitely think he’s capable.)
Andrea (THAT’S her name!): -5 (You can really see a change with her from the beginning. She’s not my favorite, but good for her.)
Daris: -7 (I really like Daris. 109 lbs. total & leading the house percentage-wise! Yeah boy!)
Sam: -2 (He’s a good motivator for everyone. “That number does not determine me. I work hard.” He looks great. I just hope he’s not going home.)
Sunshine: -6 (Yeah! She is looking so good! What a sweetheart. Bob: “Sunshine is a soldier.”)
Uh-oh, Sam is below the yellow line.
Stephanie: -1 (And now she is giving a speech. These people need more things to do than talk about how people are throwing weigh-ins. Except Melissa. Melissa does throw weigh-ins. But I digress.)

So Sam & Stephanie are below the yellow line together! What an awkward place to be when you’re dating. It’s sure no dinner & a movie.

Wow, Koli really doesn’t like Stephanie! That’s so crazy to me. He’s convinced she plays games. She doesn’t seem like that to me at all, but I’ve been fooled before.

Koli voted for Stephanie (surprise). Melissa voted for Sam. Sunshine voted for Stephanie. Drea voted for Stephanie. Daris voted for Stephanie. Ashley voted for Stephanie.

So Stephanie is gone. Now she’s shopping at White House Black Market & is a size 12. She looks GREAT! “I fell in love.” Oooooohhhhhhh. With WHOOOO STEPHANIEEEEE? (Hello I’m in Jr. High.)

And now Ali is LIVE AGAIN (although I’m watching it about an hour behind). WOW. This dude weighed 674 & he looks significantly thinner!

Ali: “What inspired you?”
Wayne: “When Bob & Jillian said ‘You don’t need a gym to work out. Walking is free.'”

So true. Great point.

OH MY GOSH HE LOST 418 POUNDS. In 2 years!!!! At home!!!! Amazing!!!!! Truly proof that anyone can do this.

Well, that’s all I’ve got tonight. Thanks for having me!

March 31, 2010 at 8:09 am 12 comments

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