Posts tagged ‘Newlyweds’

Opening Day

Today is Major League Baseball’s Opening Day. In my previous life (aka: life before Stephen) I would wear an Astros hat and Astros shirt. I would bake a round cake, frost it in white icing and put red stitches on it. I would walk around with a smile on my face and a hop in my step. I would read all the MLB websites. And I would most definitely go to the game tonight. But times change. Priorities change. Husbands happen.

 

Husbands change everything. I’ve heard the saying, “If you want to see a woman gain weight and stop shaving her legs, watch her get married.” Yeah yeah. Okay maybe that is partially true, but give us a chance to defend ourselves. Hear me out!

 

I don’t think it’s necessarily true that we don’t shave our legs anymore. Or that we quit wearing make up. Or that we “let ourselves go.” I think that there are just more eyes on us now. Back in college if I woke up and didn’t feel like getting ready, I could throw on some track pants, a t-shirt, throw my hair up and go. Nobody would think twice. There wouldn’t be any judgment. If I played my cards right and sat by that guy, I could even look dressed up compared to his torn flannel PJs and matted hair. But not now. Now I’m expected to dress like I care. Like I’m a mature adult who cares about what all of the other grocery store patrons think. But I am a grocery store patron myself. And I don’t notice. The only thing I care about when I’m at the grocery store is if the avocados are ripe and the yogurt is on sale. I don’t stop to notice what other customers are wearing. Unless of course they are dressed up… in which case I wonder who the heck they are trying to impress.

 

But stereotypes are out there for a reason. So obviously someone somewhere thinks that married women let themselves go. Yes we wear ponytails, yes we skip make up occasionally, of course we don’t shave as often in the winter… but we did all of this before marriage. It’s not our fault that you didn’t analyze our appearance back then. And to you, Stacy London, I love you… but it is okay to own sweatpants, it is okay to own t-shirts, it is okay to have multiple pairs of jeans and tennis shoes. I don’t live in LA. If I want to sit around my house with my husband, I don’t need to wear a wrap-around dress that flatters my shape. My husband knows my shape, I’m not going to fool him!

 

As far as gaining weight, okay, I’ll give you that. The second we get back from our honeymoon, we start swelling up. For this, I blame the husband. In my former life, it was acceptable to skip dinner. It was perfectly normal to have a bowl of Ramen and call it a night. Grilled cheese and tomato soup was my dinner of choice. Not anymore. Apparently, dinner is not dinner without some sort of meat. This was a big shock for me when we got married. My dad was never like this. Maybe it’s because of his frugality (is that a word? it is now…) and how he’d never waste a morsel of food. He puffs with pride when he can eat a meal and only spend $1.76. He would never assume that every dinner should have some sort of meat. My brother ate anything. His only request was that it be dead. And not fungus. Otherwise, he didn’t care if it was meat or not. But I have found that they are the exception, not the rule. So many men have this meat mentality. Consequently, us new wives have to please our men. We have to make actual meals each night. So we gain weight. This is not our fault.

 

I’ve copied my friend Sarah and created a little way to help out all of you newlyweds! (Or those practicing for newlywedism.) If we have to cook and gain weight, we may as well do it with great recipes! Today is the opening day of my new recipe blog. (<– click there) Don’t expect a new post everyday, that’s just ridiculous! But I’ll post as I cook new recipes that I feel are worth passing along.

 

In honor of Opening Day and the Astros taking on those pesky Cubs, maybe we’ll order a Chicago style pizza. The button on my jeans popped just thinking about that…

April 6, 2009 at 10:27 am 9 comments

Not So Good With the Listening

Stephen and I got married young. There is no arguing that. Whether or not you think that’s a good idea is a whole different story. I’ve heard both arguments. If you get married too old, you’re already set in your ways. You know how you like things done and it throws your whole world off if someone comes in there and tries to change it up. If you get married too young, you haven’t experienced enough life. You’ll end up getting bored or realizing what else is out there and you’ll be unhappy. Well I don’t know about the first one, but as for the second, I disagree. Stephen is anything but boring! And no, maybe we haven’t experienced much, but now we get to do it together. And in my opinion, there’s no better way!

 

But, yes, we knew we were getting married young. We knew pre-marital counseling was extremely important. And we knew we needed to discuss all the ‘deal-breakers’ right away. (Actually, we discussed that early on in the relationship… because, really, what’s the point in wasting time on someone with different goals?) Before Stephen and I got married, we read lots of books. Some were better than others. Our favortites were Five Love Languages, For Men Only, and For Women Only. I highly recommend these books, even if you aren’t getting married. After books, counseling, and discussions with older-wiser marrieds, we found that there are three main areas that bring on conflict.

 

1. Money

2. Sex

3. Communication

 

I don’t think that this strikes anyone as a big surprise. Money, I think we’re okay. We have the same goals, same desire to save save save, and are equally as excited about good deals. If I’d quit buying books and Stephen would order water when we go out to eat, we’d probably never argue about money at all! So, put a check in that box. Sex? Well that’s none of your business so we’ll just breeze past that one.

 

I would argue that communication is the biggest problem for most couples. How can it not be? Half of each relationship is female. In case you haven’t noticed, females are unstable (instable?). Words, tones, contexts, volume, gestures, and even pauses all have meanings to us. The simple question “What are you doing?” can be interpreted in so many different ways depending on how we may or may not interpret all of the other factors. And to rub salt in the wound, those other factors can be interpreted differently each day of the week… and, no, we won’t give you the schedule. So tread lightly, honey.

 

Let’s explain this further. Ladies, just think about it. We’ll put Stephen and I in this situation so that you can still appear innocent. If Stephen came home one day and said, “What’s for dinner?” There are many ways this could go down:

 

Scenario 1: Yesterday I took some chicken out of the freezer to defrost, I have recently been to the grocery store, and I don’t have a headache. I have a planned menu and life is good. So I respond, “Well I thought I’d give that chicken dish another shot. I know it’ll never really be like your mom’s but we can keep trying, right? Why don’t you go ahead and have a glass of wine, it’ll still be about 30 minutes until it’s ready.”

 

Scenario 2:I have a headache, I forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer yesterday, the fridge is empty, the pantry is empty, Rookie is hungry and keeps asking to go play with Molly because I’m boring. I’m feeling like a failure since I can’t feed my husband or entertain my dog. So I respond, (please adjust your reading tone of voice for this one), “I don’t know! Ugh! I work full time too, you know. We have no food in this stupid house and I didn’t have time to go to the grocery store on Sunday because I was too busy knitting and napping. The kitchen is a mess, I can’t even think straight. Why can’t you just like soup?” 

 

Poor men don’t stand a chance. And the honest truth is that he was only asking to make small talk. I could have said that I was frying pig feet and he wouldn’t have heard me. So, yeah, communication is a hard one. If you were sitting in our living room this past weekend, this is what you would have heard.

 

Stephen: They interviewed the Harlem Globetrotters on the radio the other day.

Chelsea: What radio?

Stephen: The Harlem Globetrotters.

Chelsea: (annoyed) That’s a good answer to the question I asked.

Stephen: (defensive) What?

 

So my marital advice? If your communication is lacking, at least make it funny.

February 10, 2009 at 9:52 am 5 comments


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