Posts tagged ‘Television’

Maybe I’m a Loser

The past few weeks I’ve been feeling like there is something missing in my life. There’s a void. You’re probably thinking that what my life is missing is a meal with even a smidgen of nutritional value. You’re wrong, didn’t I tell you about the potato bundles? Potatoes and onions – both veggies. They count. No, that’s not what I’m missing. There is a two hour hole in my heart that can only be filled with quality television. The Biggest Loser.

Oh how I miss you Alison Sweeny. And how I miss the crazy challenges and giant scale. I do not miss Jillian, she has shown her face around Hurst Castle a few times to beat my body and make me feel guilty for phoning it in. Not really, I don’t feel guilty. I can’t keep up with her. She’s a freaking machine. But I do miss Bob. And the drama. And the glorious transformations. And the vomiting and crying. Come back to me Biggest Loser.

But, alas, I have to wait until September 15th for the next season to start.

I’m not one to fill my life with television shows. Not because I don’t enjoy them, but because I don’t like feeling like I have to be a slave to my television. I knew a girl in college that had about 8 shows that were “her shows.” You know what I mean? “Oh I’ve got to get home, my show is about to be on.” I don’t know how she had time to make friends or, you know, study. I can’t blame her for this. I would be the same way if I allowed myself to be. It all started with Friends. And for a while it was Survivor. (Back in the Colby days… can you blame me?) I used to be addicted to The Bachelor. For a few seasons I would park myself in front of the television every Monday night to see who got a rose. Not because it was an excellent show, but because I got sucked in.

A few nights ago we turned on the television and that new show “More to Love” was just starting. Know that show? Like The Bachelor, but with real life sized women. Ones that clearly don’t have any emotional baggage… I’m sure when that chick said “I am just ready to get married. Have a house and kids and all that” after sitting on a bench with this man for 5 seconds, what she really meant to say was “Hmm, I think I’d fancy a nice dinner date with you.” Stephen allowed me to watch for about 10 minutes and then I changed it after this conversation:

Girl 1: So if you make it all the way to the end, do you think you’d actually accept a ring from him?

Girl 2: Oh definitely. I could definitely see myself falling in love with him.

I’m sorry, what?! I thought this was the first episode and you’re on your first glass of champagne in your evening gown. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know how to tell you all apart at this point. You don’t even know him. He’s probably a creepy guy who lives in his parents’ basement with his Star Wars action figures and life sized Darth Vader cardboard cut out. Maybe not. Maybe his parents don’t have a basement. I shouldn’t assume.

Why did I watch? Because I need something to watch. I need one show each week to watch. I do love HGTV’s Design Star but that is on Sunday nights so that doesn’t help my mid-week desires.

Enter “I Survived a Japanese Game Show”… hello! This show is awesome. It’s hilarious and disgusting and I love it. It will never compare to my love for Loser, but it is a sufficient substitute for now.

So each Wednesday night, you know where to find me. Sitting in front of the television watching semi-respectable adults dress in cat costumes pouring sour milk over each other’s heads. Or seeing two grown men in leotards jumping off a trampoline and contorting their body into a shape on a sticky wall. It’s insane. It’s shocking. It’s brilliant. Give it a shot!

—–

After many requests, I will be posting the cheesecake recipe on my recipe blog sometime today. I have a few other things to post on there as well. So check back later!

July 30, 2009 at 9:17 am 21 comments

Dear Work Week,

I don’t think you and I got off to a good start. Quite honestly, I wasn’t very pleased with your arrival. I was having a great time with Weekend. You know him? Probably not… you two don’t have much in common. Anyways, we were getting along just fine. And then you showed up and kicked him out. I know you usually only stay around for 5 days but, really, I think that is too long. You’re overstaying your welcome. I think it would be more fair if Weekend could stay a little longer. Can we work on that?

Also, I’m a bit confused about the people you’ve put in my life this visit. Like that woman at the grocery store. We were in the Express Lane and even though she may have only had 5 items, there was nothing “express” about her behavior. In the future, can you make sure people have their cell phones off when they are checking out at the store? Or can you at least make sure that they are aware that they are checking out and help them find their credit cards? I think that would make your visits a little better.

And what’s up with the work experiences you’re providing?? Am I delusional or is everyone else drugged? I’m pulling out my hair here, give me a break! I can only take crazy in small doses. Not 8 times a day. Please, please have mercy on me in the future.

Sometimes you come and you bring fun things with you. Like good television, Bible Study, a dinner out, quality food, satisfying sleep, and an overall productive time. But it seems that you’re slacking lately. I realize I’ve cut your budget so the food and entertainment has been suffering, but get creative. It’s not like you’re new at this. You’ve been around forever and deal with all types of people. You should be able to make my time with you a bit more bearable. Please. And let me sleep! For the love of Pete, please let me sleep. Why do you insist on making me lay in bed for an hour before I can sleep? It’s not fair! You don’t make Stephen do that. Why me?

To be brutally honest, you annoy me. I don’t like your time here but I know you are a necessary evil. And I know you will continue to show up for years to come. So let’s work on our relationship. What do you say? Maybe we can try an exercise… I’ll tell you 5 things I like about you and you can tell me 5 things you like about me. And then maybe our relationship will heal. Here, I’ll go first:

1. You add structure to my life.
2. You keep our world organized (seems like you could do it in 4 days, but whatever…)
3. Occasionally you provide good television.
4. You encourage me to spend quality time with my husband and our dog.
5. You let me blog. When Weekend comes, he doesn’t let me.

So I guess you’re not all bad. I hear that next week you may allow me to go to an Astros game! And tonight you’re letting me go to the dog tracks. I really appreciate things like that. Especially when you can manage to fit those into the budget I give you. So thanks for that. I’d just really like to see more of an effort from you in other areas. Okay?

(Unfortunately) Yours,
Chelsea

PS- I’m not kidding about the work stuff. Fix that.

June 18, 2009 at 10:02 am 10 comments

Loser Week 5: Look How Sweaty He Is

I knew this episode was going to be good when Jillian yelled at Aubrey in the first 5 minutes of the show. Oh Jillian!

 

The episode began with the returning contestants weighing in. I wasn’t sure what to expect. They had been gone for 30 days. What is reasonable weight loss for this sort of competition? The range of numbers fell from 2-25 pounds. Aubrey was the sad contestant who only lost 2 pounds. She started making excuses and said that even though she hadn’t lost much weight, she was stronger and had more endurance. Jillian called her out and told her to stop sugar coating it… she had only lost 2 pounds… in 30 days. I don’t know about you but my weight fluctuates about 5 pounds regularly. So, Aubrey, losing 2 pounds does not prove that you worked out for 4 hours every day. It proves that you didn’t drink as much water today, or maybe you took a good trip to the restroom. No more excuses. (Side note, the blue team got immunity this week since Sione lost the most weight at home… these cousins are awesome.)

 

This was one of the more creative and entertaining challenges. Each contestant was roped to their partner. That  rope was attached to another long rope that was wrapped around a giant metal beam hundreds of times. (Imagine the way the rope and ball get wrapped around the pole in the game Tether Ball… only the pole is horizontal.) The teams had to unwrap themselves until they had enough slack to run to the finish line. There were quite a few people climbing on to the bar and then falling off. I’m not going to lie, I laughed at this. Shockingly, the yellow team (Aubrey and Amanda) won this challenge. I really thought it would be the blue team (Sione and Filipe). The prize for this challenge was either $5000 (which caused Joelle to almost poop her pants with excitement) or a 2 pound advantage at the next weigh in.

 

 The last chance workout was pretty enjoyable. Nobody threw up. I don’t think there were any tears. Carla worked her butt off, Joelle watched. The blue team continued to amaze everyone, Joelle watched. Shannon was told to carry Sione across the gym, at which she replied, “Look how sweaty he is…”, I laughed, Joelle watched.

 

Finally, the weigh in. I don’t think there were any that were incredibly shocking. I’m continually impressed with Team Black. Blaine lost another 9 pounds and Dane lost another 11. They consistently lose high numbers. We learned that in the 5 weeks on campus, they’ve lost 140 pounds. That’s impressive. Note that I said that none of the contestants were particularly shocking… so when I say the Joelle lost ZERO pounds, hear that I am not shocked. It ended with Team Silver (the Silver bullet, really? is that an appropriate name for their performance? maybe because they kill and wound everything in their path with their laser eyes and fire spit…) and Team Brown below the yellow line. I bet you can all guess how that went. Team Brown cried and gave another heartwarming plea. My favorite line: “100% of this team wants to be here.” Team Silver on the other hand… well… it didn’t go well. They obviously ended up getting voted off but lets address a few things here…

 

-Aubrey is not nice. She’s been back on the ranch for one week and she already thinks she is the Queen B. I don’t know why she thinks she can yell at Joelle for making excuses when she herself only lost TWO POUNDS IN THIRTY DAYS. This seems like a situation of the pot calling the kettle fat. I love her sister Amanda, so I’m not ready for them to go. Maybe Bob can organize a martial arts training for the whole house and someone can accidentally judo chop her in the vocal cords…

 

-Let’s discuss the Silver girls for a second. Yes, Joelle is lazy. And quite honestly, I think she has a few screws lose. She needs to see a doctor (and a financial planner). But there is no excuse for the way Carla talks to her. That’s not friendship. Rewind back to episode one… before we knew Joelle was a crazy lady. Carla was extremely condescending and patronizing to her. We now know that they haven’t spoken in months. Good for Joelle. Yes, she owes Carla an apology for her laziness (although I think she may not understand that she was lazy, she may honestly believe that she gave it her all) but Carla owes her a million apologizes for the way she treated her and attacked her character. I’m anxious to see how they look at the finale. However, I’m not looking forward to everyone yelling at her again. Hopefully the producers will try to focus on another story and understand that those sort of attacks will end up killing Joelle.

 

I hope you enjoyed last night’s episode. I sure did. Looking forward to next week, as usual.

February 4, 2009 at 9:43 am 6 comments


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