Loser 9.18: The Marathon

Koli, Ashley, Daris, and Michael. We are down to the final four. We are starting off with some flashbacks of their time on campus. I’ll just pepper in my thoughts. Michael is really handsome. Ashley’s face has changed so much, she looks like a completely different person. Remember that week when Daris ripped up his arms on the floor? That was gross.

They are going home for 30 days to do it on their own. Then they’ll come back to campus to weigh in. Not sure if one person will immediately be eliminated or if we’re voting for the person to keep the final slot. We shall see!

These homecoming parties are amazing!! I wish I was at all of them and could run up and hug these people. They look fantastic! I’m so proud of them!!! UGH I LOVE THIS SHOW!

“I will do everything I can to make you proud.” AGAIN. That’s probably the fifteenth time they’ve used that sound clip. Enough! Daris has lost a total of 151 pounds. Amazing. Michael has lost a total of 204 pounds. TWO HUNDRED AND FOUR. Ashley has lost a total of 143. She still has a ways to go, she could very well win this season. And Koli has lost a total of 172 pounds.

Alison showed up on their screens to tell them that they’re going to be running a marathon while they are home. Yuck. No thank you!

More random thoughts: Koli is talking about how happy he is but his tone is depressing. He doesn’t sound happy. I hope he is. Michael’s interviews from the first week… wow. His voice is so different! OH MICHAEL. How much did they pay you for the Jennie O Turkey plug? (For the record, Jennie O, there’s a tab at the top of my blog. Feel free to contact me… I can do cheesy product plugs in exchange for cash.) I love Daris’ mom! What was her name? Cheryl? “You went from a boy to a man right in front of my eyes.” In front of our eyes too. OH listen to him! “If I want to impress anyone, it’s my mom.” Atta boy! I’m proud of Ashley for growing up a bit and knowing that she doesn’t need to live the party life in order to be happy. It’s so true girl, I became the happiest when I gave that life up too.

 Ashley has perfect skin. Ashley calls Michael to chat and it seems that they have an agenda. Michael mentions that he’s up weight, he must be the one that gains. I hope not. They decide to run the marathon together. Michael calls Ashley “shortcake” and Ashley calls him “babe.” Which, as you know, means several dozen people will Google “Are Ashley and Michael dating?” I still think that they aren’t, but they may have little crushes.

Curtis Stone showed up to Daris’ house and talked about going to his favorite restaurant. He says he can’t go because there aren’t any healthy options. So Curtis adds a Daris section to the menu with a few healthy options.

UGH OH! Daris is eating. He got stressed and ate. It made him feel like crap so he ate some more. And more. Not good man. Not good!

Koli went to Vegas to work out and focus. He wanted to get away from all the temptations at home. Pretty smart. I know the trainers won’t agree because they’ll want him to get used to life at home, but really, who cares? It’s still a game. He can get used to it after the game.

Bob and Jillian surprised the contestants at their houses. I don’t really have many comments right now…

Time for the marathon. It’s raining. Bummer. Daris is leading the pack, of course. Then Koli. Then Ashley and Michael. On mile 13, Daris is met by season 2’s winner, Matt. I have no idea who that is. I wonder if they make them study these people so they don’t have to ask who they are. Sione met Koli at mile 13. Sadly, Sione has gained some weight back. I hate seeing that. Ali greeted Ashley and Mike met Michael. I LOVE MIKE! He looks like maybe he’s gained a little weight but he still looks great.

Tara’s time was 4:55 and Daris not only wants to beat it but he wants to finish around 4 hours. He finished at 4:03. Wowza! That’s pretty amazing. Koli finished at 6:08 and had a bit of a physical, emotional breakdown. Michael and Ashley finished at 6:26. I didn’t see that coming, I thought they were quite a ways behind Koli.

Time for the weight in. I hate Alison’s top. Hate it. The two above the weight in are guaranteed in the finale. The two below are up to a vote. Our vote.

Michael – 23 – 7.14% Fantastic! He’s out of the 300’s and he’s lost 23 pounds at home by himself.
Koli – 13 – 5.63%
Ashley – 18 – 7.79% Well done girl! 
(I’m dreading this… the teaser last week showed us that someone gained 2 pounds.)
Daris – +2 – Sad to see him struggle. I don’t know what’s going on with him but it breaks my heart.

So Ashley and Michael are in the finale for sure! Daris and Koli are against each other to fight for the last spot.

(My husband and my dog are wrestling on the floor. I have the worst heartburn EVER. It’s 9:00pm and I’ve had heartburn a total of about 9 hours today. Your prayers would be appreciated. Seriously)

There really isn’t a bad vote here, either are a great choice. My vote is for Daris. I’ve loved him from the beginning. He’s struggling, yes. But I’d love to see him as a finalist. Anyways, CLICK HERE to go vote. And leave me a comment to tell me who you’re voting for.

Loser 9.17: I Will Do Everything to Make You Proud

What have you done today to make you feel proud? I’m watching the intro… remember Miggy and Migdalia? They were a fun bunch.

There’s talk about what just happened. (Remember Sam got voted off over Mike.) Mike, Daris, and Ashley are on one “team” and Koli and Sunshine are on another “team.” Sunshine said the word “processeses.”

(I bet that no less than 25 people will google “Are Sunshine and Koli dating?” and end up here. Your answer: I have no idea and I highly doubt it.)

Alison greets the contestants and announces that there will be no yellow line, only a red line. Which screws over the team of three. I think this is an NBC ploy to make sure precious Sunshine is in the finale.

VOMIT HELEN. In case you weren’t watching back then, let me brief you. All you need to know is this: she sent her daughter home instead of sacrificing herself. Wrong wrong wrong. Blech. She was not my favorite BL contestant. For the record, here are my top 5 least faves: Vicky, Heba, Helen, Joelle, and the Miggy/Migdalia combo.

Eric from season 3 came back. I didn’t watch back then. Apparently he’s gained most of his weight back. 

I almost want to mute the television so I don’t have to hear Helen talk. Oh good, on to Daris. He is learning that he loves himself. Atta boy! Daris, I don’t think  you’re going to have any problem meeting ladies. Just do something different with your hair. That dude in LA was an idiot.

How many times has Koli said that he’s “in” the finale. Yes, I think he’s a great competitor and he’s most likely going to make it. But hasn’t he ever seen this show? Crazier things have happened. At this stage, all of the competitors have the ability to drop good numbers… and they all have the ability to choke.

Michael just breaks my heart. I wish he could be proud of what he’s done without constantly facing what he’s got ahead of him. OH PLEASE HELEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She walked over to Mike as he was crying to hug him. She apologized for hugging him…”I’m a mom!!!” Ugh. Mom, go hug your daughter. No, I’m not still bitter… why do you ask?

Bob and Jillian meet the contestants in the gym with some bum-bum-bum music in the background. They talk about the tension in the room and the red line. Koli cussed. Don’t say there is no animosity and then drop the f-bomb. NOT CONVINCING. I don’t really like this angry side of him.

Michael is about to have his breakdown. Oh I just feel awful for him. I can sit here and say “Chin up! You’ve done a great job” all day but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s still overweight and he feels awful. Once again, he’s surrounded by skinny people. And what’s worse, he’s at a place where he shouldn’t have to feel those insecurities. So he storms off, throwing things and punching things and screaming. He says he’s not having fun and this is hard and awful. He went on makeover week and had to shop at a fat guy shop. OH I HURT FOR HIM. (Oh my gosh I love this show.) He had a good scream and they chatted a bit. I hope he sees what we see. He’s decided it’s time to go back in a give it another shot. ATTA BOY!

The only thing people are talking about is the finale. My guess is that someone stresses so much this week that their weight-loss suffers.

CHALLENGE TIME! I’m so glad Daris is wearing that thing on his head, he looks so much better. It’s an old put-the-weight-back-on challenge. They have a bag with all of their weight, after climbing each hill, they’ll drop the weight for that corresponding week. Winner gets $10K.

“Man I was fat. I can’t believe how fat I was!” Koli said when he saw the giant picture of his old body. They begin the challege and Daris starts off ahead. I hope  he wins. He looks SO skinny in this challenge. What’s crazy is that the people can’t even pick up the bags that contain their old weight. Michael can’t even get the bag off the ground. Ashley has to grunt and groan her way up a hill. YAY DARIS WINS!!!!  “I got rid of a bag but maybe I got rid of a bit of baggage.” Ashley and Michael are working together to get their bags up the hill. Daris, Sunshine, and Koli came back to help. Michael and Ashley held hands… which probably means that people will also google “Are Michael and Ashley dating?” Once again, I don’t know. And I doubt it.

We learn that Daris beat Tara’s time by 10 minutes. TEN MINUTES. Tara was a robot. He is also presented with the option to give up the $10K in favor of a one pound advantage. Of course he went for the one pound. Which usually means that he won’t need it.

Jennie O Turkey. Ugh. Bob wants to take everyone somewhere. Shopping. I smell a product plug. Danskin, Starter, are they at Walmart? Tony Romo is there. Y’all, don’t hate me but I totally wouldn’t have recognized him. Oh yeah.. I was right. Danskin and Starter. They all go running up a mountain. That was short and quick and anticlimactic. Everyone gather for a pep talk from Tony.

And now it’s the look-where-you-came-from video time. This is always so cool to see. Again with the Daris “make you proud” speech. He’s crying!!! So cool Daris. He is seriously so skinny!! Sunshine is next. Crying from the get-go. She looks so different. It’s so amazing how much faces change when they lose so much weight. (Couldn’t the spring for a box of Kleenex for these people????)

Now Koli. He was so round when he started. Crying! 3 for 3. He gave himself a great pep talk. UGH, another Despicable Me commercial. This is seriously foolish. If I were rich, I would give a lot of money to Biggest Loser so that they’d never have another commercial or cheesy product placement segment again.

Ashley’s turn. She’s not crying, yet. Oh now she is. She has come so far. I always forget how big she was. She’s so beautiful. Her hair and her smile are awesome. And now Mike’s turn. He used to talk different, stand different, everything about him was different. Including his hair, thank God. Man, his clips are the best. He has had so many accomplishments these past 16 weeks. “You can see the pain in my eyes.” Y’all, I know I’ve said this before but he has grown up. He looks fantastic.

What better way to follow that up than with a trip to Subway. This time they’ll have breakfast. And they’ll get a sub to take back with them for lunch. “Go get your $5 footlong.” Blah.

Dr. H visits again. This episode seems long. Michael went from age 54 to 38 in 16 weeks. Know Your Number!

(I’m currently having THE WORST heartburn of my life.)

Last chance workout. They are killing it on the treadmill. To all of you Googlers, the song playing in the back ground is “Walk on the Water” by Britt Nicole. They played it in an earlier episode too, I think it was the one they went home for a week. This is the softest looking last chance workout because they aren’t showing us the nasty. Just the inspiring. Sunshine even started crying because she’s so happy. How could you not love this show??

(Alison is in a Zyrtec commercial… did y’all see that?)

Weigh In. Remember that there is only a red line so the person with the lowest percentage goes home. The person with the highest percentage this week gets to have Curtis Stone to their house for a lesson.

Mike – 12 – 3.59% Must’ve been because Bob was crossing his fingers.
Koli – 13 – 5.33% Didn’t see that coming. That’s a huge number.
Daris – 10 – 5.37% Below the 200 mark! And his % was huge because he also had the one pound advantage.
Ashley – 7 – 2.94% Most weight lost by a woman on campus!
(I’m sweating this out big time. TOO MUCH STRESS!)
Sunshine – 2 -1.12 % YES! Sorry Sunshine. Someone has to lose and I’m just realllly glad it’s not Ashley. You have confidence, Ashley needs this.

Sunshine goes home to a gym full of people. Cute little dress with a yellow sash. Nice team color representation. OH COOL! She gets to throw out the first pitch at a Twins game. Not that I like the Twins or anything, but how cool! I can appreciate the magnitude of something like that. They didn’t even give her a player to throw to? She had to throw to the mascot?? Come on Twins!

Two episodes left. Next week: The final 4 go home for 30 days and then have a weigh in to see how makes it. Someone gains 2 pounds. That’s not okay. TWO MORE WEEKS.

Loser 9.15: Cue “Everything Is Bigger In Texas” Puns

The Loser contestants are going to Texas… home of 5 of the 10 fattest cities in America. Awesome. Alison is wearing another red jacket, which means I’ll get another 60 million hits this week from people googling the jacket to figure out where it’s from. I really think NBC needs to start giving me this info so people can get some answers when they come here!

A bunch of clips of the contestants doing radio segments. Not too interesting. Maybe because I don’t want them to keep talking about fat Texas. I love me some Texas and I want you all to know that there is a lot more to this state than fat people. Like… we have good food. Oh wait…

Walgreens commercial. REALLY???

Radio listeners get to win a chance to run with the contestants. I remember when this was going on. I texted my SIL to try to go win. She was busy that morning, sadly. I’m seeing that the majority of the people who have won tickets are not obese. They are all teamed up with a contestant and they are wearing their colors. Daris told his team that he’s going to finish the race and then come back and finish it with them. Mike is taking a different approach. He said she isn’t going to leave anyone behind, he’s spent his whole life being left behind. Normally I’d say that he was being lazy, but I think that’s old Mike, not new Mike. I think new Mike is all about inspiring people.

I’m loving that guy in the yellow shirt. He’s lost 65 pounds in 9 months on his own… all because Mike from last season inspired him. Love Mike!

O’Neal cried with a girl. No surprise. O’Neal does that a lot.

I’m kind of bored with this. Anyone else? Seriously. I have nothing to report except “mobs of people are either running or walking. Some have never run before. Some cry. Some hug. All are excited and have Texas on their shirt. The end.”

I did love seeing that last lady finish. I don’t care who you are, you’ve gotta be proud of finishing a 5K. ESPECIALLY if you haven’t even jogged in decades. “I can’t even walk through Walmart, I have to take a cart. And I just walked a 5K!” Hopefully this means there’s one less slow-moving cart in the aisles of Walmart.

Inspiring, yes. Blog worthy. not so much.

Bob shows up at 24 Hour Fitness to train random people. (Just a thought, if you want to make Texas lose weight, grab the people from McDonald’s, not the gym. Yes?) He also teaches a spin class and then hosts a Q&A where he tells people to get the Biggest Loser app on their Verizon phone.

Mike, Ashley, and Daris are tres amigos. They’re buds. They decide to do stairs together to get a workout in. They are staying at the W Hotel but don’t have a gym? Not likely.

Challenge time. Of course they are wearing cowboy hats because they are in Texas. We always wear cowboy hats here in Texas. I immediately received a text from my SIL that said, “Oh hell no!” I laughed. Alison talks about how tough Texans are (thank you) and how we having a saying that sometimes you have to just grab the bull by the horns (yes, we do have that saying). This challenge involves grabbing the bull by the horns. “Ohhh hell no,” says Mike. We agree Mike. Actually no bulls, just calves. The contestant with the most calves in their pin wins immunity this week. Awesome. I LOVE calf scrambles. They make people look so awkward!

Here we go. Oh lookie there, it’s not quite so easy. I forsee a lot of dirt in the teeth. Hey Mike, calves aren’t puppies…  you can’t lure them with high voices. O’Neal is seriously taking nose dives into the ground. Not so smart, my friend. Sam is putting calves into Koli’s pin since Koli helped Sam last week. That’s nice. Mike decides to help Daris since they are BFF and he’s hoping it’ll keep him safe. I am totally pulling for Daris!

Comes down to the last few seconds, Koli won.

YAY ABBY! Jillian went to some high school to chat with some kids and visit Abby. Abby is wearing a super cute necklace. And there is some major feedback on Jillian’s mic. My heart is breaking for this overweight girl. I want to hug her and tell her that teenagers are jerks. I hope she changes her life. Life is too short to be unhappy.

The yellow team left for O’Neal’s brother’s funeral so they weren’t around for the last chance workout. Doing sprints on a treadmill makes me nervous. Not that I’ve actually ever done it or anything…. I just mean that watching them do it makes me nervous. The workout was otherwise uneventful. Mike has a minor freakout in which he told Bob to leave him alone. Bob cussed at him and said he’ll never leave him alone and to never say that to him again. Never really seen Bob get mad before.

Weigh In. OUTSIDE in downtown Dallas. Keep in mind that this was filmed months ago so it was 34 degrees. Really Loser? Is it necessary to make these people stand outside just so you can have a nice camera shot? Cruel. They are hardly wearing any clothes!

Koli: 1
Sam: 6 – 2.44%
Sunshine: 4 – 2.09%
O’Neal: 5 – 1.85%
Mike: 15 – 4.19% WHOOO HOOO! Amazing! (Really hoping next week is makeover week, his hair needs some help!)
Daris: 5 – 2.28% Have I mentioned how much I love him?
Ashley: 6 – 2.36%

Oh no… the end of the world is upon us. Sunshine and O’Neal are both below the yellow line. Sunshine is crying like someone has told her that one of them has to die. SETTLE DOWN LADY. And now Alison is going to leave them here in the cold to chat about it for an hour. Does nobody give these people Kleenex? They are cold and crying. SNOT CITY.

Stephen and I are discussing how cohesive this group is. There’s no petty game play. These people care about each other and care about their well-being. We like that.

So now O’Neal is gone. I like him but I’m not torn up about it. I’m hoping this means we’ll have less sappy father/daughter tears. He went from 389 to 250. He’s continued to lose weight at home and can put on his own shoes. All of these before/after comparisons are amazing. He’s lost a ton of weight!!

Next week: MAKEOVER WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!! Tha best week EVER. I can’t wait!

Loser 9.14: Smells Like Fat

I’m watching in real time tonight which is something I haven’t done in about 11 years. And I just polished off a plate of homemade beef fajita nachos. I made sure to finish before the show started. For two reasons really: 1) I don’t want to get sour cream on my keyboard and 2) I think Jillian can see me through the television.

Let’s get started!

Beautiful Alison Sweeney shows up to announce the temptation. “Ohhhh no.” The kitchen is closed and all meals (only during that day, dumb) will be eaten in this room upstairs. There’s healthy food and not-so-healthy food (aka: Food Chelsea Eats). Whoever eats the most calories at the end of the day gets the only vote. Sam and Koli decide that Koli is going to go for it. Sam thinks he’ll fall below the yellow line and he wants Koli to save him. Selfish much? “Real bacon. None of that turkey bacon.” Think they lost their Jennie-O sponsorship?

So far the only one eating a lot is Koli. Mike seems to be trying to trick Victoria into thinking he ate a lot.

Koli is eating A LOT. He had over 2000 for lunch alone. He’s not going to be happy when two nice people go below the yellow line and he has to be the bad guy. Haven’t you ever watched The Biggest Loser, Koli??? Bob and Jillian are going to be so mad at you and then the rest of the house is going to be mad at you. You could have at least avoided the chili dogs. Gross.

 Koli had 4164 calories. Ummm ewww. Did you see how he measured his ketchup in a measuring spoon?

Okay y’all, Mike is like a completely different guy. He’s like a grown up. He’s mature and funny. I really like him now. I’m really proud of him.

Okay so I’m not so mad at Koli right now. I love that he and Sam are working out in the middle of the night. He’s not about evil game play, he’s just about staying in the game. And that’s okay. He’s not malicious and he doesn’t thrive on power. He’s just a good guy. (I think.) I just hope that Sam doesn’t throw the weigh-in. THAT is malicious.

Here come Bob and Jillian. $20 say that they aren’t going to be on board with this. Oh yes, I’m right. Jillian is disgusted. Disgusted. Disgusted. But that’s okay because it’s time to work out. HOLT COW! Bob is punching Daris in the stomach while he’s holding weights above his head. He’s a beast.

Ashley is having a breakdown because she’s all alone now that Andrea is gone. It’s not easy for girls to be alone. It makes us sad.

Dr. H is back. Time to revisit the Know Your Number age thingy. This is always really boring for me. It’s cool because it’s showing that their bodies are truly changing for the better… that the work actually pays off. Strider bike thingy.

Challenge time! I love challenges! Especially when they involve bizarre cranes and cables. They have building blocks that they have to stack in order to get high enough to reach . The winner gets a one pond advantage. The last one gets a 1 pound disadvantage. Mike decides to give Ashley some pointers… turns out, his pointers aren’t great. It was a nice thought though. Mike is being an engineer and making a permanent structure! It’s neck and neck between Daris and Sam. GO DARIS! I’d like Daris to get more screen time. This season is all about gray and yellow. And he made it! Whoo hoo! So Daris gets a one pound advantage.

Victoria knocked half of her structure over and thought she was going to die. Yeah, no. You have ropes attached to you and 16 millions crew members standing around. YOU’RE FINE. O’Neal fell as he was trying to get down his structure. Everyone freaked out like he was paralyzed. Sheesh people, settle down.

Ashley looks like she is about to have a commercial. Something NEW in the house! How convenient. Yoplait Greek Yogurt. 14 grams of protein!!

O’Neal is back, nothing is broken. But something about bones and calcium and nerve pain. And luckily he has a Walgreens ice pack for his knee.

To the beach!! Gabriel Reece is there to work out with them and to advertise Starter. UGH! ENOUGH WITH THE ADS! So they run a bit and then play in the water. Booooring.

Back from commercial break and we learn that this one of the worst week’s of O’Neal’s life. His brother died. We knew this was coming so I’m not shocked. Very very sad still. He’s crushed, which is totally understandable. Jillian is making his box. They always do that to the most emotional person. He had a bit of a meltdown and started punching a machine. Then he went for a walk and cried some more. It’s not an easy thing to watch, but it’s life.

Weigh in time. Oh Ali, you’re cute.

Koli- 10 – 3.7% WOWZA! Not bad!!
Daris- 7 – 3.54% My fave.
Mike – 5 – 1.38% Not so bueno.
Ashley – 4 – 1.55% Ouchie! I hope it’s not Mike and Ashley…
Sam – 6 – 2.38% Well done.
Victoria – 1 – .37% And you’re going home.
O’Neal – 8 – 2.52% How in the WORLD??
Sunshine – 1 – .52% Well that’s not fun.

So it’s between Sunshine and Victoria, and it’s all up to Koli. Well OF COURSE it’s going to be Victoria going home. Koli is in love with O’Neal, he’d never do that to him. Plus, he just talked about how Victoria needs to step it up and work out like she really wants to be here. I only wonder what he’s going to say in his schpeal. Didn’t look like the girls said anything to Koli to fight for their spots. I wonder if they did but didn’t show it.

He voted Victoria off. He didn’t preface it with much of anything but he said that she needs to push. She needs to step it up. I agree, she does not.

Victoria is back in H-Town. (That means Houston.) Her momma is looking good! She went from 358 to 240, she looks great. Last week they didn’t show Andrea’s current weight… I wonder why. Ugh, really? A 24 Hour Fitness commercial! This Where She Is Now segment seems to be all about her mom. Weird. But I’m proud of her mom.

Next Week: The contestants are going to TEXAS. Yee Haw.

Otherwise, the last chance workout is uneventful.

Loser 9.12: Grab a mattress and jump in the tub!

Hey y’all, Lauren From Texas again. Chelsea asked me to fill in this week because she had a meeting. And since she’s growing a human & all, I complied. You don’t mess with the pregnant ladies.

Alright, we’re back. Victoria is all THAT WAS THE WORST THING EVER re: the elimination. Everyone else is cold-hearted, most of all Melissa. “These people are still not in gameplay!” She thinks they should’ve eliminated Sam because they had more of a chance to beat Stephanie. Good reasoning, I suppose, but Sam is a morale booster, which is also important. Who knows what these people are thinking. They have to deal with Jillian for hours a day & they haven’t had ice cream in weeks. It’s not like they’re thinking clearly.

Everyone meets in the gym. Ali says that the first person to lose 2% of their body weight wins immunity. There’s a button, and when you press the button, a siren goes off & you weigh in. You can weigh yourself at any time, but you can only weigh yourself once. If you haven’t met your goal, you don’t get to weigh in again, & you’ve lost your chance at immunity. Only one person can win.

“If you hear a siren like that in Oklahoma, you’ve gotta grab a mattress and jump in the tub because a tornado is comin’!” -Daris

Ali hands out cards that say how much weight they need to lose. Then Bob & Jillian walk in. I LOVE (and by love I mean am annoyed by) how Bob & Jillian act SO surprised when the players tell them what’s up.

Work out time. Jillian starts focusing in on Sunshine, and owwwww. Those jumps look painful. Kind of like the rockstar jumps I just finished (I’m on Day 29 of the Shred, by the way, & could not be happier that it’s almost over!). Bob & Melissa start talking, and Melissa makes it clear she’s all about the game. Bob basically tells her to play the game but also work her tail off. Whatever Bob. There’s no saving her.

Now they’re all gathered together in the living room & the weird doctor with the curly mullet comes in to talk to them about burning fat “the right way.” Now Jillian has everyone on bikes & Sam & Koli are talking about pushing the button. “Not yet, not yet!” Then Sam says he hates yellow lines & wants to rip the yellow line off his shirt. Um, dramatic much?

Now Ashley & Drea are conspiring/whispering. I DO NOT like the cattiness. Ashley, did you learn nothing last week?! Focus on yourself.Work your tail off & you won’t have to worry about immunity or “the game.” That’s my theory anyway. Everyone is debating about when they’re going to push the button.

Uh oh! Victoria pushed the button! Call me cynical, but I just don’t think she’s lost 6 lbs. yet. It’s a very dramatic weigh-in, complete with a commercial break right in the middle. She only lost 3 lbs. Poor thing. I don’t think she’s been there long enough to understand how this all works. Melissa is SO evil. Shut your mouth woman. No one wants to hear you talk.

Cut to Ali wearing the CUTEST dark pink coat & black headband. At the bottom of the swimming pool, there are 1 lb. weights, 100 for each player. They have to go to the bottom of the pool & bring up their weights, 2 at a time. The prize is the Biggest Loser vacation thing at the Biggest Loser resort or whatever. Also, the last person gets a 1 lb. disadvantage.

I love Sunshine. “Look at us. 12 weeks ago we couldn’t have done this. Now we’re athletes. We are swimming, & we look good doing it.”

Sunshine is ahead with Sam right behind. Sunshine wants to finish so she can help her dad. AWW. She finishes first & immediately starts helping her dad. Sam finishes, & asks Koli if he needs help, to which he replies “Help Unc” (meaning O’Neal). The friendships/relationships get me every time; it’s so touching when people are willing to help others instead of playing the game (COUGHMelissaCOUGH). Everyone starts helping everyone else as they finish, but no one helps Melissa. As Sam says, “That sends a clear message as to how the house feels.” Playing the game has its consequences. Learn it, woman.

Whoa, Ali has some serious roots. Get that taken care of, girl! It’s not like you don’t have people to do that for you.

Sam & Koli are talking about when they should push the button, & are determined to do it before Melissa. There’s a weird hidden camera & Melissa is reading a book or something & Sam & Koli are sneaking in a late night workout. Melissa plans to get up at 3am & 6am to work out. YUCKKKK. OK, everyone is eating breakfast… and someone hits the button. It’s Sam! Melissa is clearly pissed.

Here goes the scale. OMG. HE LOST NOT 6, NOT 7, BUT 10 POUNDS! Way to go Sam!

Melissa: “Should’ve been me.” Ooooof course it should have.

Jennie O commercial as Bob & Jillian play dumb again. They “fill them in” on Victoria & Sam’s button escapades & the pool game. Melissa is clearly pissed about her 1 lb. disadvantage. Bob: “This is what happens when you play the game.”

Bob corners Victoria & gives her a Fiber One commercial.

Last chance workout. I think I need a snack. Bob zeros in on Koli, Jillian on Daris. Speaking of Daris, when is makeover week? Because dude, I love ya, but the hair has GOT TO GO. Jillian takes Sunshine aside & starts doing her psychology voodoo on her. Jillian thinks Sunshine is overweight because she wants to be like her dad. “They can live a parallel life, they don’t have to be fused. She needs to stand on her own two feet.” I like that. Jillian, sometimes I really like you. And then, those other times, like every day for the last month, I kind of want to punch you. But that’s a different story.

Sunshine & her dad start talking. They’re crying, I’m crying, it’s sort of a waterworks. She’s basically telling him she can stand next to him instead of under him. She says “For the first time I see that I am beautiful. For the first time I can stand alone.” Her dad says “I wasn’t going to let you go until you knew that.”

EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.

::weeping intermission::

OK, that was very touching. On to the weigh-in.

Ali looks FABULOUS in a deep purple dress, ponytail, & dangling earrings. LOVE IT. Also her eye makeup is kind of to die for.

The weight loss is as follows:

Koli: -5 (Doesn’t look good for him, but we’ll see.)
Daris: -4 (Yikes! Whoa. Then he yells. I’d be worried too.)
Michael: -9 (Good for him! He also needs a haircut. Um. Then he flexes, asks Ali to touch his bicep, stops her, & says “didn’t your mom tell you not to play with guns?” CHEESE CITY.)
Ashley: -7 (Yeah girl! Pretty good. I hope this inspires her to cut the crap & work harder. She’s totally a cutie though.)
Sunshine: -7 (She looks SO good! I really like her.)
O’Neal: -8 (Wow! I’m glad he’s safe.)
Victoria: -11 (WHOA! Yeah girl! I’m proud of her. She really needs/wants to be there.)
Drea: -2 (She immediately gets panicked & starts crying. I do feel bad for her.)
Melissa: -3 (I LOVE Ali. “Just so you know the 1 lb. disadvantage didn’t matter, you still would’ve gone below the yellow line.”)

Drea asks Melissa to leave & gives a very touching “please don’t vote me off” speech. I’m betting they vote Melissa off. Just a hunch, but I think a lot of them like Drea, and oh, I don’t know, Melissa is PURE EVIL. Did she just say she’s a lawyer? She doesn’t mean literally, right? Now she is telling them she is their fairy godmother. She’s always going to be in the bottom 2 & week by week they can pick off whoever is down there with her. Uhh? I mean, I know that’s “playing the game,” but she just sounds like such a witch when she says it.

Elimination Room. Koli votes for Melissa. O’Neal votes for Melissa. Daris votes for Melissa. (I am loving what they are all saying, basically that they don’t want to play the game & they want to earn it by their own merit. Good for them!) Michael votes for Melissa. Victoria votes for Melissa. SHE GONE! No one stands up to hug her or tell her goodbye. Wow.

Then she & Lance run a half marathon on her 40th birthday (OK, that is pretty inspiring). Good for them. Now maybe she can quit being so evil.

Alright, that’s it! Hopefully Chelsea will be back next week because this is exhausting! I don’t know how she does it. Time for a popsicle.

Loser 9.11: The one where people start making up words & stuff.

Hey y’all, Lauren here. You might know me from my blog, Lauren From Texas. Chelsea asked me to fill in for her tonight because she had technical difficulties with her DVR. I was more than happy to rise to the challenge, since I’ve always dreamed of writing a Biggest Loser post here at R&R!

I’m typing this as I’m watching, so this may will be a little scrambled.

Alison is live from the Ranch! And looking HOT in a black dress & tights. Some dude was inspired by BL so he lost a lot of weight at home. I guess we’ll see him later?

Dramatic montage of past players being voted off. In black & white for extra drama.

The 9 remaining players enter the gym where Ali is waiting with something under a blanket. What’s under the blanket? Their original team color shirts! Now they’re going to “singles,” which means no more teams.

Open the doors! All the eliminated contestants! With angry looks on their faces. Apparently they have a chance to get back in the game? Everyone is talking smack.

So… popularity vote? One of the eliminated players gets a chance to be voted back onto the show by the remaining players.

“I don’t know any of these people. We have not talked. We have not conversated.” -girl from blue team. Pray tell, what is “conversated?”

Now they weight in.

Daryl has lost 104 lbs. total. Amazing!
Sherry has lost 62 lbs. & looks great.
Miggy has lost 49 lbs. & still looks surly.
Victoria (Miss Conversated) has lost SEVENTY-THREE POUNDS. You go girl!
Melissa has lost 51 lbs & is still a WITCH. “No one is looking toward the quarter of a million dollars. Everyone wants to be friends. Now is not the time for friends.” Um, alright EVIL INCARNATE.
Lance lost 91 lbs. & is still married to Melissa, so in my mind, evil by association.
Cheryl has lost 51 & is cute as a button! I love her.
John has lost 85 lbs. Nice guy & still has a long way to go at 399 lbs.
Patty  has lost 46 lbs. I love when moms say “I’m doing this for me.” So important!
Maria has lost 57 lbs. & Michael seems excited about that.
James has lost 72 lbs. & has a very long way to go at 413 lbs. Wish both the brothers could come back on, they really need it.
Cherita has lost 47 lbs. & seems like the sweetest woman.

Weird montage where the current players are talking over each other. Black team girl: “Kind of feels like we’re playing God.” Um, last time I checked, God was in charge of more important things than Biggest Loser contestants. But OK.

It’s tied up between Victoria & John with one vote remaining. The vote belongs to Mike. Victoria wins! And Mike was kind of sweet about it. And oh my gosh I’m tearing up. BIGGEST LOSER WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MANAGE TO TUG AT MY HEARTSTRINGS. Victoria’s mom is hyperventilating & it’s all very touching. I agree with Mike’s decision. John already had his chance. Victoria deserves hers.

What the heck, Ali? Now she’s saying there’s another way back into the game. The winner of a challenge yet unknown will be back in the competition. Melissa: “It’s my destiny.” Let’s not be dramatic, Missy. Miggy firmly says she’s going to win. I’d advise the other players to watch out for knives.

They all go outside & Ali is wearing a hat that would look really really cute on a 5-year-old. All the competitors are standing in front of a step. Apparently whoever gets to 1000 steps first is back in the game.

James has knee problems so he’s out right away. Melissa & Miggy are neck & neck. Play back to how truly awful Melissa is & how embittered Miggy & Migdalia are when they’re together. I sure don’t miss that. Sherry is cute as can be. Her shoe is untied? KICK IT OFF! Oh, let’s just kick the other one off so we’re balanced! So now she’s doing it barefoot. She’s spunky too: “I want to beat Melissa!” I’ll drink to that!

Commentary from my husband (regarding Lance): “How is he not beating his wife?! Dude, YOUR WIFE IS BEATING YOU.” (By the way, he meant beating like winning, just to clarify.)

Melissa: “I have to pay attention to what Miggy is doing. I have to pay attention to what Sherry is doing.” Or you could just, you know, focus on YOURSELF. Whatever.

Miggy takes a breather somewhere & Melissa takes that chance to get ahead of Miggy. CRAP. Melissa won.

My husband: “Dude, your wife just smoked you. Again. On national television.”

Lance: “Words can’t describe how proud I am of her. I love her to death.” Well, I guess there really is a person for everyone.

Michael & Maria have a weird relationship. Dude, you’re 30. Time to cut the apron strings, Mama’s Boy.

Melissa & Victoria have immunity. DOUBLE CRAP. I have to see Melissa for at least 2 more weeks? Hold me.

OK, all players (minus the 2 that just got back on) are now in the gym. Bob & Jillian walk in. Considering Jillian just beat the crap out of me on Level 3 of the Shred, I’d rather not see her right now. I guess she doesn’t care though. They start talking to the players, then…

Melissa walks back in. Wait, Jillian, why are you clapping?! Y’all hate each other! Victoria walks in, “I’m HEEERRRREEE!” So cute.

Jillian: “It felt like suddenly, the world was right again.” Oh Jill, you never cease with the dramatics, do you?

And the working out begins. I don’t know why Jill wears jeans to the gym.

Jillian immediately starts picking on Victoria. She says, “I’m happy to be here, but this is going to be work.” Oh honey, what did you think this was, a day at the spa?

I kind of love Koli. “I don’t want [Melissa] here.” Then Sam starts being all tough-guy. Although him & Koli are cute together, all punching each other but you know they’re gonna cry & hug later.

Victoria is cooking & Bob comes in the kitchen. I smell a commercial coming. Oh! Ziplock bags! Double protection!? A modern phenomenon!

Alright, now everyone is being all talky-behind-backy. Koli & Ashley are conspiring that Stephanie is not to be trusted. Koli says: “At the end of the day, it’s about you.” Great point. Now quit your whispering and go burn some calories. This isn’t summer camp. But then Koli says “I don’t trust Stephanie.” Wait – isn’t Stephanie dating Sam? Not trusting her might present problems later in life. But we’ll cross that awkward bridge when we get to it.

Now we’re back to Ali LIVE FROM THE RANCH. The dude in question was 674 lbs. And we’re going to see him? When?

OK, they’re back in the gym. Jill is picking on Victoria again. I think when you hit your head on the treadmill, you should get to stop for a second. Did Bob just call O’Neal “Uncle”? Then Jillian makes Stephanie cry & she walks out. So they go outside and talk. And it seems like Stephanie is just whining. Just a little bit. Not that I would know about whining when Jillian is pushing me to my limits. Jillian: “The more you try to control something, the more it’s going to be out of your control.” That’s kind of good advice, I think.

Apparently there’s some sort of drama with Ashley & Stephanie? Ohhhhh Ashley thinks Stephanie threw her weigh-in to send her (Ashley’s) mom home? What?! These women & their drama. “I would never. I would never. What we have is real.” OH BRRROOOOOOO. Now Stephanie is going around asking who started the drama. JUST STOP IT. This is not high school. Focus on what you came for and quit being catty. My theory is that Ashley & black team girl (still can’t remember her name) are jealous of Stephanie because she’s dating Sam, who by BL standards is hot stuff. So basically, Stephanie is the prom queen of BL & everyone is jealous of her. WHO THE HECK KNOWS.

I don’t even know what my word count must be at this point.

Time for the weigh in and I am IN LOVE with Ali’s gray ruffled dress, hoop earrings, & low ponytail. GIMME.

Weight loss is as follows:

Victoria: -2 (She has immunity so it doesn’t matter, but still. Should’ve been a little higher in my opinion.)
Melissa: -4 (I’ve mentioned I don’t like her, right?)
O’Neal: -4 (He walked up the stairs without hobbling & that was a big deal. Good for him.)
Ashley: -5 (Good job! I am starting to see a huge difference. But enough with the “conspiracy theory” already.)
Michael: -8 (Did I just see a fist pump? It’s nice to see him dropping pounds though.)
Koli: -6 (Not bad. He says he wants bigger numbers. I definitely think he’s capable.)
Andrea (THAT’S her name!): -5 (You can really see a change with her from the beginning. She’s not my favorite, but good for her.)
Daris: -7 (I really like Daris. 109 lbs. total & leading the house percentage-wise! Yeah boy!)
Sam: -2 (He’s a good motivator for everyone. “That number does not determine me. I work hard.” He looks great. I just hope he’s not going home.)
Sunshine: -6 (Yeah! She is looking so good! What a sweetheart. Bob: “Sunshine is a soldier.”)
Uh-oh, Sam is below the yellow line.
Stephanie: -1 (And now she is giving a speech. These people need more things to do than talk about how people are throwing weigh-ins. Except Melissa. Melissa does throw weigh-ins. But I digress.)

So Sam & Stephanie are below the yellow line together! What an awkward place to be when you’re dating. It’s sure no dinner & a movie.

Wow, Koli really doesn’t like Stephanie! That’s so crazy to me. He’s convinced she plays games. She doesn’t seem like that to me at all, but I’ve been fooled before.

Koli voted for Stephanie (surprise). Melissa voted for Sam. Sunshine voted for Stephanie. Drea voted for Stephanie. Daris voted for Stephanie. Ashley voted for Stephanie.

So Stephanie is gone. Now she’s shopping at White House Black Market & is a size 12. She looks GREAT! “I fell in love.” Oooooohhhhhhh. With WHOOOO STEPHANIEEEEE? (Hello I’m in Jr. High.)

And now Ali is LIVE AGAIN (although I’m watching it about an hour behind). WOW. This dude weighed 674 & he looks significantly thinner!

Ali: “What inspired you?”
Wayne: “When Bob & Jillian said ‘You don’t need a gym to work out. Walking is free.'”

So true. Great point.

OH MY GOSH HE LOST 418 POUNDS. In 2 years!!!! At home!!!! Amazing!!!!! Truly proof that anyone can do this.

Well, that’s all I’ve got tonight. Thanks for having me!

Loser 9.08: For Some Reason I’ve Always Wanted To Pull A Semi

We start with a review of last year and O’Neal’s reaction to Sunshine possibly going home. Sheesh, I thought he was going to have a fit. I like him but I’m getting an odd “Ron the Godfather” sense from him… like somehow someone crowned him and he’s the wise team leader. Hopefully that’s not true.

It’s Work Week. They will be working full time jobs this week. Intellesting! They will have to commute, bring healthy food, and fit workouts into their new schedule. I am confused because Alison said, “Just like in real life, the gym won’t be open 24 hours.” But wait, isn’t your MAIN sponsor 24 Hour Fitness?? Yes I think so.

The teams have a challenge- they have to pull a semi-truck. Along the way they have to pick up crates that are puzzle pieces that spell “Groceries for a Year.” I’m thinking this is a pretty unfair challenge. There is seriously no way the black team can win. Except somehow they pull ahead. Then the black team gets ahead again. It literally just comes down to the puzzle making. And… wait for it… the blue team wins.

Bob and Jillian meet with their teams to learn about the Work Week. And then Bob tells Sunshine and O’Neal about Biggest Loser Protein Powder. Blah. Then they all go work out. Is it just me or is Jillian wearing more makeup this season? Is it because she’s a much bigger deal now?

Time for work. A couple people had to work the phones to thanks people, a few people worked distribution, and a few people worked inventory. We all had a little chuckle when Michael said, “I don’t consider myself the most smartest person.” One of the workers came in to talk to the group. He was an overweight man and told a bit of his story. I hope he got a little something from this group. I know that this is all about promotion and advertising, but I really thought it was a great message and enjoyed seeing the GOOD side of these contestants.

Why would the gym close at 7:30??? No gym in this COUNTRY closes at 7:30. Oh wait, except the one I used to go to. But that was the size of a cracker box and was mainly for people over the age of 60.

Sam “forgot” his lunch but it looks very fishy from the beginning. I instantly said, “This is staged.” Sure enough, there was NOTHING in the vending machine that was nutritious but conveniently there was a Subway on the end of the street. Lookie there.

Cheryl + Sherry = BFF

Last chance workout. It was short because the gym was going to close. Atleast they had their Brita water filter. There was a lot of sweat. Not much cussing or weird activities… but lots of sweat. Sam was literally steaming. Icing on the cake, I’m a lion, Jillian is my prey, It’s an electric fence… So many metaphors.

There was a pretty extensive background on O’Neal and Sunshine. They seem like pretty great people. Although I wonder if he may be going home this week since they are spotlighting him.

Weigh In– I love Alison’s hair.

Blue Team
O’Neal – 5
Sunshine – 7
Michael – 9
Koli – 10
Daris – 9
Lance – 10
Great numbers for the blue team! Love seeing them do well!

Black Team
Andrea – 7
Ashley – 8
Cheryl – 5
Sherry – 5
Stephenie – 3
Sam – 4
Some good numbers but not great numbers.

Blue team won the weigh-in. I just love Sam and Koli’s relationship. They do cry a lot though. The black team is chatting a bit about their decision. My guess would be Stephanie. I think it would be RIDICULOUS to vote Sam off. Sherry has immunity. Ashley won’t go, Cheryl is bffs with Sherry. I think Andrea is still big enough to save her spot.

First two votes go to Cheryl, second to Stephanie, next to Sam, another to Cheryl. So Cheryl is out. Why exactly? I’m not sure why it wasn’t Stephanie. But whatever. Now I feel bad for Daris.

She started at 227 and now weighs 164. She’s quite the yeller now! She looks great and is so cute.

Loser 9.06: Olympic Week So We Reward The Weakest Players?

It’s an Olympic themed week and the contestants are going to Colorado to the Olympic training facilities. It’s cold there. Oh lookie, they all have beanies!

There will be two eliminations this week. The person with the lowest weight loss goes home automatically, then the next two lowest go to the elimination room. Not fun at all.

Alison Jones met the contestants to challenge them. I had never heard of her (I haven’t heard of most Olympians) but she was born with one leg and medaled in multiple events. Pretty cool! Then they lit the torch and people cheered.  Melissa, I hate when people say “undescribable.” Just so you know. That’s not even a word! And Lance, being fat didn’t get you to the Olympics… it got you to the building. I’m here to educate, people.

The contestants met with the nutritionists at the Olympian cafeteria. “They’ll be eating what the athletes eat”… well, not ALL of them. You’ve heard of Michael Phelps, right? Pretty sure Jillian Michaels would spaz if her contestants ate that stuff. Luckily the nutritionists are talking about this with them. Extra Sugarfree Gum. I’M SORRY, NO! Gum is not better than chocolate cake. It will never replace chocolate cake. It will never make me want chocolate cake less. The end.

The gray Koli is having a hard time with John being gone. He doesn’t think he should be there over him. He doesn’t feel like he’s worth it. He had himself a good cry and realized that he’s scared of growth and doing something for himself. I really like him.

The contestants gathered with Bob and Jillian and two attractive athletes that I don’t know. Sorry y’all, I don’t do the Winter Olympics. It just looks so… cold. So anyways, these athletes held a workout for them. They did ladders, balance balls, hula hooping (what?), and boxing. Speedy said, “You’re an inspiration to me, you better be an inspiration to yourselves. ” Yes sir! Agree.

Pop challenge. Olympic hopeful, J.R. Celcsi (I think) came to give them a pep talk and show them his nasty scar. The challenge is a slide board something (can I understand anything they say tonight??) and they have to go back and forth 500 times. Apparently it feels a lot like ice which makes them fall and the camera shake. Nice effect BL. There are three winners in this challenge. Sam and Melissa were neck and neck until Melissa fell with 10 to go. It’s hard not to smile at that.  Sunshine got third, beating Lance by about 4. It’s hard not to smile at that too. Sorry red team, but you’ve done pissed us all off. They stood on podiums and got medals and really cheesed it up in full Loser fashion.

And now, challenge time with Kelly Underkofler who only has one arm. I HATE THIS KIND OF CHALLENGE. They shoot at other team’s targets and whenever your target is full, you’re out. DUMB. What does this prove?? When will they get rid of these types of games. You should win a challenge because you’re good, not because people hate you less. Sunshine got one extra shot, Melissa got two, and Sam got three. Sunshine shot Sam’s (dumb), Melissa shot Sam’s (dumb), so then OBVIOUSLY Sam shot both of them. Smart move girls. Everyone immediately started shooting at Lance and Melissa because they’re Texans and we know how to use a gun! Y’all I hate this challenge. I can’t even express it properly. Or maybe I can. THIS CHALLENGE IS RIDICULOUS AND I HATE IT! So basically it comes down to all the weakest links. Ashley, O’Neal, and Darrell. Literally came down to O’Neal and Darrell shooting at the same time. O’Neal won immunity.

Back in California. Working out at 24 Hour Fitness (commercial) with some Olympic ice skater dude with great hair. They did a boot camp class and then headed back to the gym for a last chance workout. Lots of sweat this week. Bob got O’Neal to balance on one of those wobbly things and do a couple squats. Incase you forgot, he has terrible knees. So he accomplished it and rejoiced. Good stuff!

On to the weigh in!  We’re at individuals this week. Remember there was a red line and a yellow line. And remember that they were travelling which throws everyone off.

O’Neal (8) – Immunity (maybe you should had a few sips of water before that weigh in)
Michael (11) – 2.48% (Lost 94 pounds, didn’t break the 100  pound record)
Stephanie (4) – 1.78%
Sunshine (6) – 2.45%
Koli (9) – 2.69% Whoo hoo! Safe!
Andrea (7) – 2.67%
Darrell (5) – 1.46%
Sam (12) – 3.87% Wowza!
Sherry (3) – 1.67%
Ashley (6) – 1.89%
Daris (9) – 3.18%% I’m ready for this fella to start talking!
Cheryl (3) – 1.55%
Miggy with new hair and emotions (7) – 3.40%
Lance (9) – 2.87% Ugh.
Melissa (PLUS 1) – Gone. I just can’t figure her out. Anyone have any theories??

Cheryl and Darrell are now going head to head in a competition to see who will go home. No vote. (Which I really like because 1) it’s rewarding the stronger player and 2) they are both lovable and that’s a hard vote.) Whoever balances the torch on their head while squatting the longest stays. Darrell has bad knees so my money is on Cheryl. Up to 6 minutes. AND TO BE CONTINUED. UGH! Didn’t see that coming.

Melissa at home… She started at 233 and is now at 175. She’s taken up boxing and for some reason, that doesn’t surprise me. She’s pretty vicious. Her son said that “She looks hot” to which Stephen said, “He’ll regret that comment in about 2 years.” She looks good but I still can’t figure her out. HOW did she gain a pound. Did she do it on purpose? What do y’all think??

Next week: Blue vs. Black and it causes drama. Naturally.Can’t wait! Also, does anyone know if it’s on at the normal time next week? They said something about “after the Olympics” but I don’t know what that means.

Loser 9.05: We Almost Got Rid of Them

They started with a review of the phone calls from last week. Actually, not a review of them… they replayed them. Why? I’m sure we’ll see that some sort of emotional battle is about to happen. AHHHHH I SEE. It’s last week’s episode and for some reason it’s on an hour later. Did any of you know this?? If you knew and didn’t tell me, you’re in trouble.

(Excuse my while I let my laptop go to sleep and I watch Ace of Cakes. See you in an hour.)

And we’re back. (I thought you should know that I ate a piece of cheesecake during that break. We’re all about honesty here at Roots & Rings.) So now Miggy is there without her daughter which means she’s going to crash and burn, or she’s going to need to learn to make friends. At 2 in the morning 911 was called for Miggy. She was suffering severe abdominal pain so they took her to the hospital.

UGH, why does Alison get all the cute clothes? I love her black ruffley top! Everyone gathered around outside and the blue and yellow team arrived from home. They headed to the gym to weigh in but we’re surprised with Bob and Jillian there for a last chance workout. Fun times. Now on to the weigh in. The winning team not only gets immunity but they also get the only vote in this week’s elimination. Holy cow. That is bittersweet… and not a great way to make friends.

Blue: Cherita (24) & Victoria (39) – Total weight loss: 63 pounds – 9.92%
Yellow: Sunshine (25) & O’Neal (51) – Total weight loss: 76 pounds – 11.45%

Welcome to the ranch yellow team. It’s time to work out.

I really want to see Daris succeed. I like that kid. Melissa looked like she was going through childbirth when she was doing that leg thing. She was having a freaking cow. Not like, giving birth to a cow. No, having a cow. Like freaking out. And she was screaming at Bob. Melissa, please don’t scream at Bob. We like him.

Daris rocks. I want to hug him. (Why does Jillian always wear the same gray v-neck? To show off her guns?)

Commercial music is playing. JennieO Turkey. Let’s make some chili! Where’s the Fritos and the shredded cheese?? That’s just not chili!

Challenge time! Of course it’s football themed because it’s Superbowl week. Winner gets immunity and loser gets a 2 pound disadvantage. The players had to hit the fake lineman 1000 times. This wasn’t the most entertaining challenge, to say the least. Snoozer. But at least it was based on winning because you’re good, not winning because you eliminated the good people. You know how I hate those. It came down to white and gray. White won and he immediately started yelling, “I did it mom!” even though his mom isn’t actually there anymore. I love the gray team, but I think Mike needed it.

Miggy is back. She had surgery to remove her appendix, a cyst, and something else that I couldn’t understand. That’s rough. So we’re learning that Mike and Miggy are actually friends. Who knew?

Yoplait Smoothie. Bob, don’t act like this is like a new thing that you are learning. DUMB.

Dr. H met with Miggy to check out her scar. He also told her that during surgery they poured in a bunch of salt water and she now has 8-9 pounds of salt water in her system. Shocker of all shockers: Miggy cried. Like lots of tears. But then she said some crap about how she’s a failure. Yeah, not so much.

I love last chance workout. Do I say that every week? O’Neal is a tough man. Did you see his focus eyes? Pink team has no focus eyes. They have quit eyes. Ashley finally came out with the truth- she’s suffering because of her dad’s death. Yep, that’ll do it. Can’t say I blame her.

Love love love the interaction between purple girl and Sunshine! The joy on their faces! THIS is why I love this show! (Y’all, there have been so many typos. I need to cut my fingernails in a seriously bad way.) Bob had the contestants do yoga after their workout. Bob rocks at yoga. Get his DVD, for serious. (NBC, want to pay me for that endorsement?)

On to the weigh in. Everyone is nervous about this one.

Yellow: Sunshine (5) & O’Neal (5) – 1.7% Gameplay maybe? No shame.
White: Michael (13) – 2.85% Definitely no gameplay. Why not?
Pink: Ashley (9) & Sherry (6) – 2.54% Impressive Ashley!
Red: Melissa (5) & Lance (4) – 1.73% What the what?
Orange: Cheryl (3) & Daris (12) – 3.05% Yay Daris!!
Purple: Stephanie (5) – 2.17% Stephen just said, “Is she wearing a Bumpit?”
Gray: Sam (10) & Koli (6) – 2.42% Phew! My faves.
Black: Andrea (5) & Darrell (8) – 2.10%
Green: Miggy (5) – 2.37% This actually makes me happy because it puts the red team lower.
Brown: John (6) – % Crap crap crap!

No deliberation. John is the only one below the yellow line so he’s automatically sent home. Everyone cried. I love that guy. I wish him all the best at home and hope he kicks lots of butt! Started at 484, now at 380. He shaved. Whoo hoo! Dear goodness, his son is cute!

Next week: Individuals! And some drama, of course.

Loser 9.03:Alley-Oop

I haven’t made it to all of the ToTers. I’m working on it though! Thanks to all of you for participating!

Live blogging- which means my tenses are going to be going crazy. Sorry Charlie.

We checked in with the blue team and yellow team to see their progress at home. (If you remember, they were both sent home week one since they lost the bike challenge. They have 30 days at home and then they’ll weigh in. The team that has lost the most weight gets to come back to the ranch.)

Whoa nelly. New move this week. Student Teacher Week. One member of each team will be the student and one will be the teacher. The teacher will train with the trainers, the student will learn from the teacher. ONLY the student will weigh in at the weigh in. In order to choose the teachers, there is a temptation. Whoever eats the most “chocolate candies” wins. I don’t know why you’d want to win this. Don’t they watch this show?? NOTHING good comes from winning a temptation that allows you to make decisions for the rest of the group. Plus, this is DUMB. Who cares? There is no way of knowing who will lose more weight.

Pink team won by eating 10 calories- 2 candies. They “instantly regret” it. DUH.  

Green team is immediately peeved about their decision. Migdalia has flames coming out of her ears. It’s not flattering. Ladies, if there are ever flames coming out of your ears, FIX IT, they make you ugly. As they were explaining the situation to Bob and Jillian, she sat in a chair off to the side and kept telling Bob “everything is fine” between eye rolls.

Dear Reader,
I officially don’t like the green team.
Chelsea

Bob and Jill met with each teacher to discuss their student’s workout and meal plan. Then they worked out. I want to hit Migdalia. She was totally shut down. When she escaped to the restroom, Bob and Jillian got together to talk about how to handle hurt. I LOVED being in on that discussion. They decide that Jill needs to turn the mean on. BREAK HER DOWN GIRL. I am currently thinking that Migdalia might punch her in the face. Question after question, she avoided eye contact and answered with one syllabal answers. You could see the frustration in Jillians eyes. Did it get warm in your part of the country around 7:25? Because my blood was boiling something fierce and I’m sure it had an effect on the atmosphere. After pushing and pushing, she did just as they suspected. She walked out. And… Jillian followed. She decided she wants to go home.

Jillian found Miggy and told her not to allow her to go. Know what? I don’t like Miggy either. They both seem to have an oak tree sized stick up their hinies. So here’s the quick rundown of the rest of the drama. Miggy goes to the room and they talk in Spanish about crap Jillian said. “She insinuated that you were a bad mom.” I disagree… you inherited traits from your mother and now you two are enabling each other. That’s all she’s saying. Jillian and Bob have a freak out about the situation and Jillian instructs Bob to go finish it, make her stay. He goes and chats and she decides to stay. Miggy said, “Coming here is to change our ways, not to change our personalities.” Ummm I think we’re allll missing the point here. Nobody is challenging your personality because WE DON’T KNOW YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A STATUE. But, yes, there are probably a few traits about you that could stand to be changed. Like maybe you can have some thoughts and feelings. “You’re like your mother and your daughter is going to be like you” is not an unfair statement. It’s truth.

take a breath chelsea

Now it’s time for the teachers to teach. Looks like there might be some inner turmoil in Mr. Black Team’s head. We shall see where that goes.

Walgreens. Seriously??

California Health Longevity Institute. Hey Curtis Stone – I know who you are this year since I’m such a great Loser watcher. Today we’re discussing portion control since restaurants are out of control. Mur Glen Organic Tomatoes. Apparently they are low and sodium and blah blah blah. Ziplock.

Miggy called out Migdalia. She said that the reason she’s so angry is because she doesn’t know how to express herself. She actually cried. PRAISE THE LAWD! She encouraged her daughter to talk to Jillian more. Oh I hope she does!

(I want to see Valentine’s Day. Sorry, I don’t normally blog about the commercials but I just thought y’all should know. That’s the sort of thing I would tell you any other day.)

Wow, are we really just now on hour two?? So yeah, I’m already 790 words into it. Sorry y’all.

Challenge time. I don’t like Alison’s outfit. Turquoise shirt with a leopard print cami underneath. No thanks. Teacher has to take a 1000 foot string and wrapped all up into a playground. Then they’ll draw to see which string they have to unravel. And now I see that by “string” we really mean “really giant ribbon.” Note to Black Team Girl, you could just ROLL the spool under the jungle gym instead of crawling under there. I’m just sayin’…

OH SUCK. Alison just announced that they will actually be untangling their own ribbons (wait for it) blindfolded. Bahahahaha! Pink Mom is telling her daughter, “See that ribbon, put it through there.” She is blindfolded, lady! No she doesn’t see the ribbon. Looks like red team is going to dominate because he was a commercial diver and is used to being directed through areas that he can’t see through. The white team tied knots all over, which of course screws them over royally, and then it ended up screwing everyone else over because it got other ribbons stuck. Gray team won. I really wanted them to tonga dance like Sione and Filipe would have. Boo hiss.

So as the winners they get immunity and they get to switch one teacher student combo. Which means that one teacher who originally thought that he/she wouldn’t be weighing in (read: they slacked all week) will now be weighing in (read: they’ll suck on the scale). Protein2Go. And now the pink team is realizing that they’ve stacked the deck against themselves because Pink Daughter has to weigh in against all the big guys.

Weigh In –

Gray: Sam (11) & Koli (13)  – Immunity
Green: Migdalia (8) & Miggy (7) – 3.2%
Black: Andrea (7) & Darrel (12) – 3.22%
Orange: Cheryl (7) & Daris (9) – 2.9%
Brown/Purple: Stephanie (7) & John (14) – 3.10%
Red: Melissa (1) & Lance (12) – 3.57% – Miss Melissa is lying and pissing off Bob. Don’t piss off Bob. I like this team in general but this if just ridiculous. Tell the truth for crying out loud.
White: Maria (4) & Michael (10) – 2.08%
Pink: Ashley (12) & Sherry (6) – 3.48%

Which puts the white team below the yellow line. They were the team that the gray team chose to switch. Hopefully this will shock Michael into caring a bit about his time at the ranch.

(Also I think Parenthood is going to be a funny show.)

The contestants decided to vote Maria off. She started at 281 and is currently at 230. She’s conquering her fear of water! She surprised her family by learning to swim, her husband was beaming with pride. So sweet. So proud of her.

Next week: More drama with the red team. Someone who “holds a grudge forever” is not someone you want in your life, just a heads up on that. I appears that Melissa is going to lose a very large amount of weight and pretend to be shocked about it even thought she’s been adding water weight the past two weeks. Fun times!

Also, Lauren brought it to my attention that during the orange team’s weigh-in, Alison changed clothes. I totally missed that and I don’t have DVR to go back and see. But I trust my source. My source says that for a split second she had a green shirt on with her hair pulled back. WHAT’S THAT ABOUT BIGGEST LOSER???