Model Behavior

What does it mean to “have it all together”? Does anyone really have it all together??

I’m definitely not a model of a woman who has her stuff together. Those women are predictable and moral. They are well groomed, with great hair styles that are always perfectly done. They have clean homes, an organized planner, DVR for the few shows that they actually watch, they get enough sleep at night, they never drink too much or eat too much, they are in shape, and they have no problem making and keeping friends. Does she actually exist?

If she does, I imagine she’d be a lot like Jennifer Garner. Or Monica Geller.

But I don’t think she really exists. Like I said, I don’t think I have my life together, but it’s definitely not in shambles. But for as close as I am, here is a glimpse into my life to show you how far off I am.

Saturday morning I woke up at 10:00 am. It was glorious. I got out of bed and ate Nutella and strawberries on toast for breakfast. Also glorious. I decided it was time to work on the floors again. I grabbed a sports bra and the closest pair of shorts, they just happened to be baby blue cotton boxers that say “Wii” all over them. Since I was home alone and focusing on dirt specs on tile, I decided to wear my pirate patch. (A response to a question I will inevitably get: the patch is for vision therapy, not for fun.) After scrubbing tile, I began the giant task of cleaning out my closet. This is an exhausting task. At one point I came across a pair of heels that I’ve only worn a couple times. I couldn’t remember if they gave me blisters or were just generally uncomfortable. How do you figure it out? You wear them. So there I was, standing in my bedroom sorting through clothes… my hair in a messy ponytail, wearing a sports bra, boxers, a pirate patch, and high heels. Stephen walked in a very calmly asked, “Umm, what are you doing?”

My husband is a lucky man.

Later that night, Stephen and I came home from a wedding and settled into bed. He was dead tired from having too much to drink. So he went to bed. I was wide awake from having too much to drink. I turned on the television and giggled hysterically at old episodes of I Love Lucy. They just don’t make quality television like that anymore! I’ve got to say, I was proud of my choice to watch such a wholesome show. After a slight hiccup in my behavior that day, it seemed I could be well on my way to becoming an upstanding citizen.

Then I spent an hour last night watching two episodes of Chelsea Lately. And I’m back to square one.