Oh Dear

July 8, 2009 at 10:08 am 8 comments

To the Artist Formerly Known as Hootie,

I can’t take you seriously. Why didn’t you just stick with the Blowfish? You were a great team. But now you are Darius Rucker… what?! The big problem here is that I like your new song. But every time I realize that it is you, I want to change the station. And what’s up with that song “Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It”?? You are not a country boy. Don’t sing about whiskey and pain. You don’t come off as a reliable source.

I feel like this is all a joke. Like one day you are going to come out and say that you are Hootie and you’ve always been Hootie and you wanted to see if you could fool America. Is this a joke? Please say this is a joke. Please.

The Girl Formerly Known as Your Fan,



To the Man in the Car Next to Me,

I apologize for not letting you into my lane. You see, you drive a car. Your blinkers are on the front and back. If you drove an 18 wheeler, I would be able to see your indicator from the side. But you don’t… and that is not my fault. Please don’t angrily speed up and then cut me off. That doesn’t solve any problems. Next time, wait until you are in front of me. I will gladly slow down and let you in.

The Innocent Woman in the Merlot Murano,



To the Men at My Office,

Please don’t ask me to fill out your paperwork “because my handwriting is better.” You and I both know that that is a load of crap. Well, not entirely. My handwriting is better than yours. But you and I both know that the real reason you want me to fill out your paperwork is because you are lazy and I am a woman. I don’t mind doing it, it’s actually quite relaxing. But don’t lie. It makes you look like an idiot and it makes me feel inferior.

Also, why do you bring me a stack of papers and ask me to make 2 copies of them, staple them with this cover sheet, but make sure to staple them like this- not like that, and then put them in my office on the table next to those plans? You can’t put that stack on the copy machine, push “2” and “sort”? It took you longer to come explain your instructions to me than it would have for you to push those buttons. God gave you a brain, use it.

Oh, and the words “please” and “thank you” never hurt anyone.

The Girl in the Office by the Bathrooms with a Business Degree from The University of Texas McCombs School of Business,


Entry filed under: Chelsea, UT, Work. Tags: , , , , , .

Honest Scrap There’s No Place Like Home…

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Ashley  |  July 8, 2009 at 11:46 am

    I change the channel too when I realize who it is — it just ruins the song for me! I’ll even be singing it and then it dawns on me who it is and it just doesn’t work anymore.

  • 2. Jimbo  |  July 8, 2009 at 11:49 am

    To The Girl in the Office by the Bathrooms with a Business Degree from The University of Texas McCombs School of Business,

    We’re sorry Chelsea. You have to realize that we are very important and that our time is infinitely more valuable than yours is and, as such, don’t feel the need to use such bourgeois terms as “please” and “thank you.” You should thank us for the chance to work in our presence.

    You should also realize that while we act condescending and superior and full of ourselves, the real reason we ask you to do a lot of this is because we don’t know how to operate simple machinery.

    The Men at Your Office

  • 3. mom  |  July 8, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    you tell ’em girl – Hook ‘Em!

  • 4. Matt  |  July 8, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    I LOVE Hootie AND THE BLOWFISH. I don’t like this country stint he’s on. Go perform more HATB stuff! People would def buy tickets.

  • 5. Rachel  |  July 8, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    Please tell me your excusing the song “It Won’t be Like that for Long” from your beef with D.R… That song can bring a tear to my eye on days when I think about how quickly Caden’s growing up.

    PS- LOVED Jim’s response to your office complaints. Hopefully the men aren’t staring at your chest when they’re talking to you. 🙂

  • 6. osarah  |  July 9, 2009 at 2:27 am

    Ah yes, the office connundrum. The other day, a male type came into our office. There were 2 male employees I was in processing in the room with me. There were two other males in the room next ot me who were chit chatting but didn’t work in my office. Thus, if the new visitor had any questions, he needed to direct them to me.

    Visitor: I need to go grab something from the back.

    It was posed as a question…looks at the two men I’m in processing to see if they’ll give him the “ok.” Looks over at the two men in the other room. No one says anything. He doesn’t look at me. I ended up just blurting out “yeah, it’s fine. Go ahead,” but what I wanted to do was wave my hands in the air and say “HELLOOOOOOO? Ever think of asking me? Or do you think women can’t answer that question or can’t possibly work for an IT company?”


  • 7. Lyndsey  |  July 9, 2009 at 10:24 am

    dont think I dont think about it. dont think I dont have regrets. dont think you dont get to me. between the work and the hurt and the whiskey. dont think i dont wonder bout couldve been shoulve been all worked out. dont think I dont think about it.

    stuck in my head for two days!

  • 8. Lyndsey  |  July 9, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Ive only heard it once though 😉

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July 2009


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