Settle Down Houston

It snowed in Houston on Friday. I’m sure you heard. If you don’t live in Houston you probably still knew about it because it was on national news. Stephen and I even saw it on Hannity as they were mocking global warming.

Last Monday we heard it might happen. Rumors spread through the city like mosquitoes after a rainy summer day. There was excitement, skepticism, butterflies in our tummies. If we’re going to be completely honest, I didn’t believe it. I’ve lived in Houston, Texas for 25 years and I’ve seen it snow 4 times. FOUR TIMES. So excuse me if I thought that people were getting a bit ahead of themselves. But I was wrong. It snowed and we set two records. It was the earliest date that it ever snowed in Houston. Additionally, this is the first time it’s snowed two years in a row in Houston. Fun facts, huh?

Something crazy is going on in Houston.

Saturday was a big day for the Space City. Ree Drummond came in town. If you don’t know who that is, leave my blog at once. Just kidding. Kind of.

Ree is most commonly known as the Pioneer Woman. She has this little blog in a tiny corner of the internet where she tells dumb stories and makes crappy food. Not so much. She’s definitely the most successful blogger out there and her food is fantastic. Her photography is great. Her stories are hilarious. Basically, if you aren’t reading her blog, you are really missing out.

So as I was saying, she came to Houston on Saturday for her book tour. I got her cookbook for my birthday and knew I needed to get it signed so that the food tasted right. I had been waiting for this day for a long time. As the day approached, the thought of meeting PW made me want to hurl. I considered sending my book with someone else because I was scared that as soon as I saw her, my IBS would act up or I’d faint. Fainting would be embarrassing but not too terrible. She’d definitely remember me. She’d probably write a blog about this crazy chick that fainted as she was signing her book. She say something clever about how far a 6 foot tall girl has to fall. It would be sad. But it would probably end my life if my body chose not to faint but, instead, chose to hurl or… worse. I wasn’t sure I was willing to take that risk.

I live on the wild side though. And I knew that if one of those things happened, at least it was be good blog material. I love y’all that much.

So I went. On Saturday morning I picked up my non-blogging friend Kelly and we met up with some of my blog friends at Georgia’s Market in Katy. We arrived at about 11:30 and ate a sub-par $9 lunch that consisted of a salad bar with no preservatives, the most tasteless chicken noodle soup I’ve ever had in my life, and some chocolate cake. For the record, I’m okay with some preservatives in my life.

We settled into our chairs and waited for PW to come talk. Besides the fact that the chairs were practically on top of each other, I didn’t mind the wait. I got to chat with Kathleen, Lauren, and Darla. (Their names are links – click to visit their blogs.) Then the time came. Some woman came to the front and talked to us about the bookstore and about the venue. None of us listened because we were all well aware that we were in the same building as PW. The woman called her name, everyone screamed. She didn’t come out. A few minutes went by and she called her name again, everyone screamed. Then she came out. This is what I saw.

She sat down and did some Q&A. When I raised my camera in the air, this is what I saw.

DUMB. Hi Ree, I’m sure it was great to see you. The people in the front row probably really enjoyed it. I enjoyed listening to you though… for what it’s worth. The Q&A only lasted about 10-20 minutes and then it was time for the lines to form.

As I was waiting in line I thought, “What the heck am I going to talk about??” I didn’t want to sound like everyone else. “Hi Ree. I love your blog. I’ve made a bunch of your recipes and they are really great. I think you’re funny.” She hears that all day.

First it was Darla’s turn. I don’t know what she said but I do know that she started to walk away without taking a photo or getting her camera from the lady in charge of pictures. Nerves do crazy things to a woman.

Then it was Lauren. She talked a lot. I know she mentioned something about Twitter. (Incase you haven’t heard, PW re-tweeted Lauren. Or whatever it’s called. Regardless, it was amazing.)

Then Kathleen. I think I blacked out during this time.

My turn. Oh my gosh. My turn. I walked up and didn’t hurl or faint or anything else. I just said (no lie), “I wish I had something cool to tell you but I don’t.” Smooth. Original. Hilarious. “That’s okay. Just say hi.” So I did. And she signed my books and I told her I was a blogger. Like she cared. And then we took this picture.

And it was all over. And honestly, I was disappointed. Not because of her. No. She’s great. She’s funny and friendly and so beautiful that it makes you want to touch her face. I was disappointed overall. Like I was after watching Twilight. I had built it up and then it was over. And we weren’t best friends. And she didn’t say, “OMG, I am so addicted to your blog! We should totally hang out tonight!” I had approximately 20 seconds with her and then it was over. And I looked like a fool.

Kelly’s turn was next. I have no idea what she said to PW either because I was too busy mourning the last 30 seconds of my life. I do know that Kelly turned bright red at some point. I think it was when Ree told her she liked her jewelry.

In sum, it was an oh-so-embarrassing day for all of us. But she did announce that she’s publishing her Tractor Wheels novel and I’m sure I’ll go to that book signing as well. I’ll probably walk up to her and say, “Once again I have nothing cool to say.” Or maybe I’ll have a baby by then so she will pay more attention to me and take my picture for her blog. And then my stomach will turn and I’ll tell her to hold my baby while I faint.

And that is precisely why I’m a blogger. I don’t do well with real, live people.  But leave me a comment and we can be best friends.

-Ten on Tuesday Questions are posted! Click the button on the right. I think I’m going to do without Mr Linky tomorrow. Just leave your link in the comments.

-If you haven’t entered the giveaway, there is still time. Go here by Wednesday night and enter. Can someone please answer me this: Why would someone come to my blog and NOT enter?? You do know that it’s free, right? And you won’t be spammed or added to a list? And it’s like real, delicious meat? Yeah. If you didn’t enter… you are weird. And that’s all I have to say about that!